Jongin woke up from his nightmare, panting and drench in cold sweat. He looked around. He was still in his shorts, on his bed in his bedroom. Everything was in place, maybe except for his heart. It wasn’t the first time he had had this dream. They disturbed him almost every night. He could not forget the worried look on his brother’s face. It always flashes before his eyes, like it was haunting him. He wanted to tell him not to worry, and that he was alright.

But he wasn’t. He couldn’t stop the anger and rage that he felt for Chanyeol. He still blamed him for his injury. Chanyeol had left him in the car without trying to save him. Nobody could have saved him. Jongin knew that but he was stubborn too. Above all, he looked down on himself. He felt useless, and helpless. No matter how many times Jongdae told him to have faith in himself, he just couldn’t do it. He felt that he had no reasons to be positive or happy at all.

Stay strong, Jongin, Jongdae’s voice echoed in the back of his mind, At least do it for me.

Jongin shut his eyes in frustration and threw off his blankets. He turned to his alarm clock standing on the nightstand. 7 o’clock in the morning. He yawned and stretched. He sat up and reached for the crutches leaning against the wall next to him. Pushing himself off the bed, he took slow steps as he partly limped towards to the bathroom.

There was already a chair inside in which Jongin used to sit in it for washing up and brushing his teeth. He got so used to it that it had become like a daily routine for him. The chair had been there for the last 1 month and 2 weeks ever since he came out of the hospital. He had stayed in that ward for more than a year. And Jongin just felt thankful that he no longer had to face those bright lights and white walls.

Flattening his hair against the top his head, he pushed a few strands off his face and tucked them behind his ears. Inhale, exhale. Jongin breathed in and out slowly. It’s just another day today. He told himself and went downstairs with the help of the crutches and the stair rails. Jongdae wasn’t home. He had left for a business trip about a week ago. It was so important that Jongdae had no choice but to leave Jongin alone. But Jongin had assured him that he can take care of himself.

Jongin pulled the heavy curtains aside, letting the morning sun rays shone into the living room. He pushed open the fr