I remember when there were just me and you. You knew everything about me as well as i knew all about you.

But now everything was changed along the time that passed. No more you that laugh with me. No more you that listen to me. No more you by my side....

***

“Where are you?” I asked the man in the other line.

“I’m sorry, Sungie, but I’m with Sungmin right now, so I can’t come for our lunch,” he answered.

“But, Kyu...”

“Sungie, please understand. He need me now, we can hang out next time, right? I promise I’ll bring you to the beach tomorrow, okay?” he said.

I just kept silent. He thought my silence was a yes.

“Good then that you agree. It’s been long time since we go to the beach together,” he said excitedly.

“No, Kyuhyun,” I said.

“Eh, what do you mean by no?” Kyuhyun asked confusedly.

I gripped my phone tightly, “What I mean is I can’t go to the beach with you.”

“Are you busy tomorrow? We can change to another day, right?”

“No. I’m not busy. And no, I can’t go with you tomorrow or the other day.”

“Then, why don’t you agree to go with me to the beach?” he asked confusedly.

“I’m just tired,” I answered. I looked around the cafe where I sat by myself. Felt an envy that evryone have company.

“Tired?”

“ Yeah, I’m tired, Kyu. Please don’t promise me anything if you have no intention to fulfil that,” I looked at the sky that now coloured grey from the window. It would rain soon, I thought.

“Sungie, I don’t understand..”

“Kyuhyun, I thought we should stop here. Our friendship isn’t same anymore. I’m tired about you, Kyu. I’m tired that you always dumped me for other people.”

“But...”

“Kyu, you are my bestfriend. You are the most important person in my life. But I’m tired. It’s hurt, Kyu. It’s hurt that you always thought that I would be okay everytime you broke your promises. You always think that I will understand because I’m your bestfriend,” the tears started streamed down my cheeks.

“Sungie, are you crying?” he asked worriedly.

“Yeah, I am. I always cried everytime you broke your promises. Just like now.”

“Yesung...”

“Kyu..”I took a  break, “Iknow you so well. I really know everything about you. But do you know anything about me?”

“Of course I know everything about you, I know that you...”

“Do you know that I loved you?” I cut his line.

“What do you mean?” I could picture his frown that he must got right now.

“I love you, Kyu. More than my bestfriend. I’m fallin in love with you since years ago!” I was sobbing hard.

“You love me...?” I could heard disbelief in his voice.

“Yeah, I always love you. But you never realized that even for once, don’t you? And now you tell me that you know everything about me...” I sighed,” You know nothing about me, Kyu.”

He said nothing. I looked around and realized that the drizzle started falling down. people started run to avoid the waters that poured down.

“Kyu... it’s tiring, you know, everytime you came to me just when you need me. Yeah, I’m happy that I can help you, I’m happy that you believe me to give you an advice. But it hurts me when you talk to me just to talk about your problems with you boyfriends. It hurts me that you always acted so rude to me just because you mad at your boyfriend. It hurts me that you never for once asked me how I feel...”

“I-I..”

“I also have a problem, Kyu. Everytime I need your support, you always unavailable. Everytime I need you by my side, you always ignored me. I can’t do that anymore, Kyu.”

There was a silence for a minute before he broke it.

“Yesungie, please, forgive me. I admit that it is all my fault, but I didn’t mean to do that. And about you that fallin in love with me....I don’t know what should I do.. I have Sungmin as you know,” he said carefully.

“I don’t need you to love me back, Kyu. I’m used to the fact that you never feeling the same as me. I told you just to relieve a burden in my heart,” my heart was hurt, I placed my palm in my mouth to suppress my cries,” and I would stop loving you,” I couldn’t stop crying.

“Yesungie, please don’t cry..”

“It’s hurt Kyu, it’s hurt till I can’t breath,” I clenched my fist tightly.

“Yesung, I can’t stand you crying... please stop...”

I took a deep breath, tried to calm myself down.

“I’d be okay, I’d be okay,” I said repeatedly, more to my self.

“Kyu, please stop this okay. I can’t stand it anymore if you just come to me whenever you need me but you never there for me.”

“You are my bestfriend, Yesung.”

“But you never treat me like ones,” i said simply.

“I-I’ll try to change, please Yesung,” he pleaded.

“I can’t, Kyu. I need a time for myself alone, Kyu. A time for my self to stop loving you, a time for my self to recover my heart.”

“But, will you still be my bestfriend?” he asked hesitantly.

“I don’t know, Kyu, I don’t know,” I answered honestly.

“We’ve been friend for the years, Sungie. Please give me second change, I’d try my best to change my behaviour. I wouldn’t hurt you anymore. I promise.”

I smiled bitterly. You always broke your promises, what was the guaranty that you wouldn’t broke this one?

“Yesungie?”

“Kyu,I...”

“Kyunnie, what’s taking you so long?” another voice could be heard in the other line.

“Sorry, Minnie. But I’m talking to Yesung right now. please wait for a second, okay?” Kyuhyun said to Sungmin.

“But, Kyunnie,” Sungmin whined, “the movie will start soon, let’s go.”

“Minnie...”

“Just go, Kyu,” I said to him,”don’t make him wait longer.” Like you always did to me, I continued in my head.

“Yesung, please, you haven’t answered me yet.”

“I think I can’t be the same as before, Kyu. I think I can’t be your bestfriend like it was used to be, but I’ll try. I’ll try to be a good friend for you when I’ve set my mind and my heart. But it would need a long time before I can do that,” I said as I stood up, ”bye Kyu,” I hung up the call.

I left the bill in the table and walked outside the door. It was raining hard but I don’t care that I was soaked. Because the important thing was that no one would notice that I was crying under the rain.