broken!eunhae, yehae, angst, romance

***

I looked at DongHae carefully. I could see sadness, guilt, and regret drew in his face.

I know his expression mirrored mine. Because we both felt the same thing...

Eunhyuk, that name never heard for these two years since DongHae and I moved abroad. No one of us dared to mentioned his name. Because once we said his name, all regret and guilt that burried depth in our life would came out.

I never thought that my happiness would bring misery to other people. Never once in my life I thought that I would hurt people badly. But the reality told the different thing.

I snatched away another person’s happiness. I hurted Eunhyuk and make his life miserable. That was a regret that would always shadowed the rest of my life.

“Hae?”

“Hmm?”

“I always think, what if I am in Eunhyuk’s position. What if the one that you left is me,” I said as I looked at the ceiling.

“Yesungie...”

“Hae, I’m afraid that we would get a karma for making other people hurt.”

He reached my hand, grabbed it tightly.

“It wouldn’t happen, Sungie. Believe me,” he said reassured me.

“But, what if I lose you, or you lose me? What if it happened because we make Eunhyuk sad? I don’t want to that thing happen, Hae..”

He sighed but pulled me closer. Wrapped his arms around my waist.

“He is kind person, right? I could see that clearly, Hae. And he was so adorable. He doesn’t deserved the thing that we did to him,” I said.

I’ve seen Eunhyuk. The night when DongHae kissed him. From afar, I could see how adorable that man. How he has a beautiful gummy-smile. How he blushed slightly because of DongHae’s kiss.

I always felt bad that DongHae chose me instead of Eunhyuk. I always regret why did i have to meet DongHae’s when he was with Eunhyuk. If I didn’t, maybe Eunhyuk and DongHae would still happy together.

I always prayed everynight for Eunhyuk. I always prayed so that Eunhyuk got his happiness. I always prayed so that Eunhyuk got the new love. I always prayed so that he wouldn’t hurt anymore.

But I know that every single prayer that I said would never reduce my guilt and regret.

“Sungie, I’ve told you that didn’t regret my decision in choosing you,” he said, looked straight to my eyes, “so don’t think that things anymore.”

I sighed but nodded, “he must be really hate us, right? Because I would do the same if I were in his position.”

“Yeah, he is,” DongHae agreed, “and I admitted that that was our fault, but we can do nothing, Sungie. I love you so much. I can’t imagine to lose you.”

“So do I, Hae. I love you too. But Hae, he also love you so much.”

“Sungie, please..”

“Hae, if you want to get back with him.. “I took a deep breath, “I’m okay.”

“Sungie! Why do you say that?” DongHae asked in surprised.

“It’s just I could stand to look at you like this, Hae. I know that deep inside your heart, your love for him is still there.”

“No, don’t say anything like that.”

“But it’s the truth, Hae. I know you sometimes dreaming about him, I heard you mumbling his name in your sleep,” I said the truth that i never told him. The night when I woke up in the middle of the night to hear DongHae unconsciously mumbled Eunhyuk’s name.

“Did I?” he asked hesitantly.

“Yeah, you did.”

He kept silent for a while.

“Maybe you are right,” DongHae said, “Maybe I still love him deep inside my heart.”

I closed my eyes as  knive stabbed in my heart.

“But Yesungie,” he continued, “the one that I love the most is you. The name that is carved in my heart is yours.”

I stunned.

“Maybe, there was a part of my heart that still love him. However, Eunhyuk and I were a lover for the years. But the biggest part of my heart is for you,” he said.

And I smiled.

Yeah, I regret the thing that happened between me, Eunhyuk, and DongHae. I regret that I hurt Eunhyuk. I regret that I made his life miserable.

But now, is it wrong that I want to be selfish for a once more? That I want DongHae all for my self.

The things that happened couldn’t change. So the things that I have to do is keep my love as long as I can.