Weight- There is no scale at my Grandma's house. 4/5/2015 SoJung

I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW MY CONSUMPTION. I lost track on purpose. I just want to calm down for a while.

  Easter is said to be a very difficult time for someone with an eating disorder.

  It is true.

  I ate too much today. I know I ate too much today. But, I refuse to force myself to get sick in someone elses home. I just feel so gross and inpolite.

  There are three things going on in my mind right now. First of all; I have to stay at my grandmother's house during spring break to get better. Second, my grandmother is watching a SouthCal tv show that most of the girls at my school watch. THE ACTRESSES ARE SO ANNOYING. The walls in this house are super thin. Third, across the hallway, either my aunt or my cousin is also watching tv. I heard a baby crying.

  I had to eat when my Omma and my Eonni dropped me off. For the rest off my stay, I am living off of fruit and protien bars. I can do anything when no one is watching. I am staying in my cousin's old room. It was stacked high with old 90's stuff and anime, but I cleaned it all up. Now it looks like a small room in a clinic nice apartment.

  My allergies usually get quite out of hand when I am around dust, but I only sneezed a few times.

  I am actually very happy to be in my grandmas neighborhood- the track in this school district is super nice, and the students hear are really good looking and fine cool and do not litter. That is one thing to chear me up, right? I will wake up very early in the morning to run for a few hours. Maybe I will practice choreography and visit the nearby dojo. Everyone needs a little Martial arts in their life. Wushu. Is. Life. (I also really hate it when people think they are super tough and can fight anyone, but they have never taken Martial Arts... that is the real deal.) I can also watch Roomate. My grandma has Korean stream!!

  I HEAR VOICES AND FOOTSTEPS IN THE HALLWAY AND THE DOG CALVIN BARKED I HATE MEETING PEOPLE OH MY GOD WHO IS THERE-

  Wait.

  Wut

  How is it so silent all of a sudden? Maybe my cousin just went outside to smoke. That .

  Who is outside???

  'Sings TTS Song' This is, my, adrenaline-'

  One of my aunts is shouting. Maybe she just woke up and that is why I heard loud noises.

  My cousin is outside. About an hour ago, I heard my grandma say to him "...and I don't know if you were smoking pot out there..." I was eating a pear and literally spit it all over the palce. I almost threw up right then and there and not on purpose.

  My aunt probably does not know that a packet of ciggarettes can LOOK LIKE A PHONE. He just asked me if I wanted to get a milk shake at the super market. I said "No, thank you..." That thing is 400+ CALORIES!!

  I need to go on a jog tomorrow... Five. More. Pounds.

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When I was sitting upstairs writing in my journal, I was having so much fun... I was so hyper. Yes, I am VERY socially awkward. Due to some very hard times a couple years back, I have had some people issues. I do not like being touched or really talked to. I do have a stange but VERY BIG PHOBIA of ciggarrettes and alchohol. Especially people that smoke. I will not touch or talk to them (I never would anyways haha...) When I go out, I frantically look at the ground and look out for ciggarretes. If I see a few of them all at once I will probably have a mental break down, jump back, and have this sick feeling in my stomach... the smell of the city...