2015.15.2015

Weight: Not sure, Weighing on Wed. or Tomorrow

SoJung

Breakfast: Small Apple & Small Plum

Lunch: Small Banana

Dinner: Planning on having One glass of water, 1/2 cup watermelon, 1/2 spoon avacado, 1/4 cup cantelope, one small tomato (Was going to have avacato and tomatoe on small corn tortilla, but the appointment is only two days away.)

[Listening to: TVXQ Get Away- {that high note tho}]

Tomorrow is the last day of school, so that means... not even HALF of the school will be here (it's full of losers) and the school is bloody ovepopulated. The hallways are like mosh pits. Not exaggerating. During assemblies, their is not enough room for the students on the bleachers, so hundreds of other students line against the walls. Yeah. It . And, the day is only an hour and a half long. 

[Listening to: BTS We Are Bulletproof]

But what will I do on Wednsday??? The appointment is on Wed. at 2:00. I am getting weighed!!! I cannot wait that long with out eating anything at all... maybe a glass of water and some watermelon. Wait, NO. What if there are other patients there this time? They would probably think 'What is she doing here? She's not even thin.' Ah, I hope I didn't grow any more...!

[Listening to: Exo Black Pearl Mandarin Version]

I forgot all of my song lyrics and pencils at home, so I do not have anything to practice at school. We were not allowed to brings backpacks or school bags- just small purses, so I brought my book, a small banana, and my magazine from China with SHINee on the cover. All in my green back with a panda on the front.

[Listening to: f(x) Nu Abo]

What is it like to be anorexic? You want to know what it's like to have Anorexia? It's cutting your stomach with sharp blades to teach yourself willpower. It's feeling bad after eating a grape. It's getting up to excersize when you can barely stand up straight. I can't walk normally without stopping because of my thighs being so soar. It's feeling your backbone when you sit down in a chair. It's feeling uncomfortable sitting down because you can feel the bones in your behind. It's measuring every night to see if you got smaller. It's weighing yourself everyday and thinking about that number constantely. It's comparing yourself to thin girls. It's throwing away food so you're not tempted to eat it. It's feeling cold and tired all the time. It's grades failing. It's taking boxes and boxes of laxatives a day to get the food out. It's sobbing throughout the night, cutting at your fat, wanting it to go away. It's faking having stomach aches and 'eating earlier.' It's wanting to be healthy, but you can't stop. You try to get better and tell yourself that you will, but then you turn back around and do it all over again.  

Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat.

Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat. Do not eat.

CAN. NOT. EAT.