Weight- 117lbs 3/27/2015 SoJung

BREAKFAST

Steamed Rice- 180

Celery Salt- 1

Garlic Salt- 0

LUNCH

Pear- 70

Three baby corn pieces- 12

DINNER

Steamed Rice- 180

Soy Sauce- 40

Excersize- Dance Workout for 30min.- 200

Dance Choreography for 5hrs.- 800

Walking Around School All Day- 600

Running On Tredmill for 4hrs.- 865.7

  I want to stop. I can't stop. Maybe I will have lunch today. Maybe dinner. I will eat normally again soon.

  I talked to one of my school nurses after I took two boxes of laxatives. My mum took them, but before I gave them to her, I hid two other boxes. The other day I bought gozz from the store and wrapped it around my leg, but it did not work as well as an actual slimmer.

  As soon as I get help I can try. But not yet- I am not ready.

  I AM SO HUNGRY. I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE.I want pizza. I want ice cream. I want to eat donuts, cookies, noodles, sandwiches, cake, cinammon rolls. The purging really affects my singing. My money goes down the drain after buying so many laxatives. This is effecting my grades. Everything that I think about. Nearly everything is based off of food for me. Empty is not strong. Empty is sad. Empty is nothing. Empty is alone.

  Now I look a bit smaller than most idols, since I just gained muscle and now I am very slim, but I am not at my goal yet. I have always strided to look like them. They are beautiful. A lot of them look happy and healthy. Compared to them, I guess I just look sick. Wow... how could I have only started keeping a diary after three years? I keep on thinking about that quote from 'Winter Girls...'

You are not dead, but you are not alive, either...