I can't believe I relapsed again. 

Yesterday I had some of my mum's almonds and I purged in the school stall bathroom. I self-harmed with her scissors when she was gone and I blead harder than I ever have. She saw my bandage on my wrist and ankle and of course HAD to ask about it.

At the time I purged and self-harmed, I just forgot about my friends, Center for Discovery, and all of the consequences. I don't know why, but that always happens. 

During my last week at CFD, I had to go to the hospital because of my germaphobia. I woke up in my dorm room with spider bites and I started to scream uncontrolably. I couldn't even imagine the bacteria that the spiders put inside of my skin and the bacteria that is getting into the open bites. I had an awful mental breakdown and they took me to the hospital. It was my fourth time being hospitalized. The first time, I was nine and it was because I had weak bones. 

I write 'stay strong' on my left wrist everyday so it doesn't fade, and my friends from the hospital and CFD do it too.

This Monday I am having an evening appointment at the Emily Program and I am having dinner there. I am so excited, I might see some of my friends there! And I might meet new people. :) 

Today I learned how to count to 59 in Korean.