The Early Days I

Something to Stare At

            “I look like a freak,” Ryeowook complained.

            I glanced over at him.  “Why do you say that?” I asked, pulling my camera out of my backpack.

            Ryeowook gave me a dumbfounded look and pointed to his head.  “Do you see what they’ve done to my hair?”

            “They’re just trying to be artistic with it and they know that you have the look to pull it off, unlike the rest of us,” I told him, holding up my camera.  “Let me take your picture.”

            “No,” he said, shaking his head, trying to ruin his hair in the process. 

            “Yes,” I insisted, grasping his arm and turning him to face me.

            “Why the hell would you want a picture of me like this?” he asked.

            “Because you look really good,” I said.  I realized that didn’t sound right the moment the words left my mouth.  My real interest in having picture of him when he looked stunning was still unknown to him.  He didn’t know I harbored any feelings for him besides friendship and I had no intention, at that time, of telling him about them.  “They never let us take pictures from these shoots home with us and my mother always likes to see them, you know.  She asks to see pictures of you as well.”

            Ryeowook nodded, posing for me so I could take his picture.  When I’d finished, he held out his hand for the camera.  “We should take one of you as well.”

            I smiled, having a far better idea.  “Why don’t we take one of the two of us?”

            “All right,” Ryeowook agreed, looking around for someone to snap our picture.

Hard to Say

            I remember the first time Kyuhyun said it to me.  I love you.  Not the romantic version—the I’m in love with you kind—but the one that all the members say to each other.  I said it all the time to everyone on a regular basis.  I think I told Kyuhyun I loved him by his third day at the dorm.  But Kyuhyun is weird about emotions and it took him a long time to feel comfortable saying those words so casually to the members.  But it didn’t take long for him to say them to me.  Maybe a month or two.  But that felt like forever since I already started to have some feelings for him, although I wouldn’t recognize them as romantic feelings for a little longer yet. 

            It was early in the morning.  I mean, it was before dawn.  I’d gotten up to begin cooking breakfast alone, even though I didn’t need to be up until much later, but a few of the members had an early schedule.  This included Kyuhyun. 

            Kyuhyun trudged into the kitchen and stopped short at seeing me at the stove, cooking.  Then he walked over and hugged me from behind, which made me start laughing.  “Good morning!”

            “Good morning.  What are you doing?”

            “What am I doing?  I’m making your breakfast.”

            “Ah, Ryeowook…I love you!”

            I froze in place and suddenly felt my heart beat more rapidly.  “You love me?  Why?”

            “I’m starving and I thought I was going to have to go to the studio without eating, but you’re making food for me!” Kyuhyun said, resting his head on my shoulder and squeezing me tight. 

            “Is that the only reason you love me?” I asked, a little disappointed.  “Because I feed you?”

            “No.”

            “This is the first time you’ve ever told me that you love me and I say it to you all the time, so what am I to think?” I shot back, becoming a little moody.

            “I’m just not good at saying stuff like that.”

            “You know, the more you say it, the easier it becomes.  I’m sure some of the other members would like to hear you say you love them, too.  Unless you don’t,” I teased, stirring the vegetables and meat in the pan.

            “Of course I do,” Kyuhyun said, leaning his head against mine.  “But I love you more.”

            At that point, I was thankful that I had my back to