Selfish

            Ryeowook’s arms are full as he carries two of the largest stuffed giraffes I had ever seen, aside from the one that’s taller than him, which I won’t let him keep at the apartment.  They’re bigger than my nephews and probably will be until they’re a couple years old, but he still insisted that we buy them anyway.  I’m holding flowers for my sister.  Mind you, I didn’t pick out the flowers.  I’m not allowed to do important things like pick out gifts for my own sister because I’ll inevitably do it wrong, despite the fact that I manage to buy Ryeowook gifts that he actually likes.  Then again, it might have taken a few years before I was much good at picking him out presents…or even remembering when I needed to buy him something, such as birthdays and anniversaries.  I feel a little offended that he still doesn’t trust me to buy anyone else’s.  And the bouquet he bought is so large, I can barely see over it while walking, but he insists that a woman who gives birth to two babies at once deserves twice as many flowers and I wasn’t willing to argue with his reasoning.  I just don’t understand why he gets to carry the stuffed giraffes and I have to carry the flowers when I didn’t pick them out.

            The elevator finally stops on the floor of my sister’s apartment and Ryeowook practically skips down the hallway to her door.  He has been talking about Ahra’s babies since he found out she was pregnant.  He must have bought them fifty outfits before the babies were born.  I really wish I were exaggerating, but you know that Ryeowook loves to shop for clothes.  You can only imagine him let loose in a children’s store.  (Actually, I tell people that’s where he shops for his own clothes, so he doesn’t find that very funny.)  Ever since the boys were born, he keeps asking when we can see our nephews.  He complains that they’ve probably grown since we saw them at the hospital and says I’m a negligent uncle for not seeing them for the last week and a half. 

            I indulge him because I know that he’s excited and that Ahra’s children will be the only children in our family.  He’s an only child and we certainly aren’t having any together.  My sister isn’t that young either.  I don’t know that she’ll have any more children after my nephews.  I would feel bad if we missed out on their early years just because we were too busy with our careers.  I mean, the boys aren’t going to understand that Uncle Kyu and Uncle Wook can’t come see them because they’re busy singing to thousands of fangirls overseas.  Not for the first five years or so.  They simply will not care what are excuses are.

            Ryeowook simply knocks and then enters, not bothering to wait for her to answer, which she’s used to.  His shoes are off and he’s out of sight before I even manage to close the door.  I slip off my shoes and carefully remove my coat, one sleeve at a time, trying not to tip the flowers over, before finally getting it off and hanging it up.  By the time I join Ryeowook and Ahra in the living room, Ryeowook is sitting on the couch with both of the babies in his arms. 

            “You need to share!” I tell him, handing the flowers off to my sister.

            Ahra laughs at us.  “I should have known you would still fight over them,” she says, taking the flowers from me and smelling them.  “These are gorgeous!  Thank you!”

            “Wook picked them out.”

            “I know,” she assures me.

            I walk over to my husband, looking down at him with narrowed eyes.  “Are you going to play nice?”

            Ryeowook smiles and motiones for me to take the one in his right arm.  I’m going to be honest with you, I have no clue which one is which.  Ahra takes one glance at them and knows which is Loy and which is Toy.  Ryeowook is always right as well.  I have no clue how they tell them apart.  I think they’re full of it and they just pick a name every time. 

            So, I take nephew number one and begin walking around with him, rocking him in my arms and trying to tickle his tummy to see if he will peek at me.  They almost never open their eyes for me.  They look at Ryeowook when he’s talking all the time and I keep telling him it’s because he’s funny looking.

            “How are you feeling?”

            Ahra sighs.  “Exhausted.  Toy woke up at about two this morning.  I fed him and I couldn’t get him back to bed until a little after three.  A few minutes later, Loy woke up with a dirty diaper.  Then he wanted to eat.  By the time he was finished, it was nearly four-thirty.  I couldn’t fall back to sleep right away, so I maybe got about an hour of rest before Toy woke up again.”

            Ryeowook face lights up, which frightens me a little.  “Why don’t you take a rest while we’re here.  We could watch them for a few hours.”

            I turn and give my husband a horrified look.  In my entire life, I have never watched over a baby before.  There’s been a handful of times I’ve been handed a baby on television shows—which is never more than a minute or two—and I’m inwardly screaming in terror the whole time, worried that the child will either vomit or start crying.  Or worse, both.

            “Are you sure?” she asks.

            I shake my head frantically at Ryeowook while she isn’t looking my direction, but Ryeowook just grins at me.  “I’m certain.  If we need anything, we can come get you.”

            Ahra quickly agrees and leaves the room, heading down the hall and closing the door to her bedroom.  I just stand there, staring at my husband, who smiles down at nephew number two, who is lying in his lap.  “Tell your Uncle Kyu to calm down.  You’re just babies, not monsters!  He will survive the afternoon.”

            Nephew number two coos at him in response and excitedly kicks his legs.  It is about as much of a response as they show anyone at this point. 

            “What if they dirty their diapers?”

            “Then we’ll change them,” Ryeowook answers.

            “You’ll change them!  I am not changing a diaper!”

            He laughs at me.  “Fine, I’ll change the diapers.”

            “What if they start crying?”

            “We’ll see if they’re hungry and give them a bottle,” Ryeowook explains.  “I think your sister keeps extra milk in the refrigerator.”

            “Do you actually think I’m going to touch my sister’s milk?” I question.

            He shakes his head.  “I’ll prep the bottles, if we need any.”

            “Fine.  As long as I don’t have to do anything, we can watch them,” I agree, walking over and sitting down beside him on the couch.   “Which one do I have?”

            “You have Loy,” Ryeowook tells me, reaching over to lightly poke him in the nose.

            Loy is sound asleep in my arms with his little face pressing against my chest.  I watch the slight movement of his upper body every time he takes a breath and feel the slightest hint of heat through my sweater as he exhales.  Toy looks up at Ryeowook, as if taking in his every word, and keeps kicking his little feet into Ryeowook’s stomach.  I think they’re mesmerized by his voice and I could hardly blame them.  No one is as mesmerized as I am, certainly.

            “I think my sister wanted at least one girl, but I’m glad they’re both boys.”

            He gives me a quizzical look.  “Why?”

            “Because I know how to handle little boys.  I will treat them like Eunhyuk and Donghae.”

            Ryeowook elbows me.  “I’m going to tell on you.”

            “Go ahead.  They’ll forgive me if I promise to take them out for ice cream.”

            He just laughs at this, but he knew it was true.  “These two will grow up knowing so many famous people and they won’t even understand what that means until they’re at least school aged.”

            “I wish they would never find out we are famous,” I say, sighing heavily.  “I wish they could grow up thinking we’re just normal people.”