"EXO wins another award! Congratulations!" 

"Growl is number one again, come up EXO!" 

"EXO has sweeped the charts with Growl!"

"And, it's EXO! As expected!" 

"Growl~ EXO wins again!" 

"The results show... EXO!" 

~

It was a blur. When they came back with their comeback, EXO suddenly shot up in popularity. It was a shock to alomst everyone in the group, they hadn't dared to expect so many awards and prizes. Suddenly, EXO was being declared the hottest idol group with one of the biggest fanbases in K-Pop. After the initial shock, everyone had been overjoyed, after all, their hard work had paid off. They were finally being recognized for the hardworking group they were. 

However, with this came changes. They had been forbidden to go out anymore, they had to be accompanied with a manager if they left. There was no more relaxed trips, they had become even more busy. Xiumin although grateful for all the attention they were getting, couldn't help but miss the free time that they had sacrificed. Most of all, he missed the coffee trips with Luhan. If they ever wanted coffee, they would have to ask their manager to get it for them, and he would only agree if in a good mood. 

From one performance to another, they were shuttled along. They hadn't really slept in proper beds for a long time, only being able to take naps. All they knew was that once on stage or in a fan meeting, they would have to smile and wave. Once they came backstage, everyone would collapse, their faces emotionless and exhausted. Even Chanyeol wasn't able to smile anymore, his cheeks have been stretched to the maximum, according to the boy. 

As for his hopeless crush, there hadn't been any progress. Luhan and Xiumin were still best friends but nothing else, much to Xiumin's disappointment. It was for the best though and it wasn't as if they had time for a relationship anyway, Xiumin would reason.

After all, there was no other choice.

~

They were going for a signing event and everyone was in the car. They were all sleeping. Xiumin still hadn't gotten completely used to sleeping in a car and there were times that no matter how exhausted he was, he couldn't get himself to sleep. During these times, he would simply rest, closing his eyes, letting his mind go blank. Today was one of those days. 

Everyone in the car was asleep, or almost anyway. Tao, Kris and Lay were curled up together at the back. Chen was at the front, his head in his lap, soft snores coming from the boy. Luhan's head was drooping but he kept on fighting to stay awake. It was adorable. "Lu-ge, sleep." He said softly to the boy, the boy's hair. 

Luhan smiled sleepily. "How about you, hyung?" He asked sleepily. Okay, that was strange. Usually, Luhan wouldn't bother with the 'hyung'. "You must be really exhausted, sleep." Xiumin laughed but it turned into a yawn. "I need a pillow to sleep. My head needs to rest on something, you know that. But,  I forgot the pillow back at the dorm." Luhan explained quietly. Xiumin cleared his throat. "Well, you could use my shoulder as a rest.." He trailed off uncertainly. Luhan looked up, his eyes brighter. "Really?" He asked. Xiumin nodded. Luhan immediately rested his head on Xiumin's shoulder. 

Xiumin felt slightly dizzy as Luhan's scent filled the air. He loved it. He sniffed the air unconsiously and then blushed when he realized what he was doing. Stop it, Minseok. Don't be a creep.

The weight of Luhan's head was comforting on Xiumin's shoulder though and Xiumin felt more relaxed in this position than he had in days. He felt his eyes begin to droop and sleep welcomed him. 

~

Xiumin was woken up by a smack on the head. He immediately sat up. He turned to see a grumpy Kris. "Get up." The boy said before turning back to Tao. Xiumin glared at the boy's turned head. Stupid Kris. As he got up, he felt something fall into his lap. He looked down and his eyes widened. Because of Xiumin's movement, Luhan's head which had previously been on Xiumin's shoulder was now in his lap, his head turned so that it was directly in front of Xiumin's crotch. , Xiumin cursed silently. , . 

In a panic, Xiumin grabbed Luhan's head from both sides and pulled the boy up. The sudden movement caused Luhan's eyes to shoot open. The deer-like boy's eyes widened in confusion. "Minseok-ah, what...?" Luhan asked, his cheeks turning red. Xiumin quickly let go of Luhan's head. "Sorry! It's just-you nearly fell down and I panicked!" Xiumin lied quickly. Luhan's face lit up in understanding before being replaced with a sweet smile. "Thanks for catching me." The boy whispered, his voice a mixture of shyness and gratefulness. Now, Xiumin felt guilty. "Well, you weren't-" He began but was interrupted by Chen. "Hyungs! We're supposed to get out now." He announced. 

Xiumin sighed, opening the door. He was immediately overwhelmed by the sound of the fans cheering. "Oh god." Xiumin gasped. This was going to be difficult. The bodyguards seemed to be struggling a bit but nodded to Xiumin to get out. "Let's go." He felt Luhan's warm breath on his neck. He shivered at the contact. The things this boy could do to him. 

Xiumin stepped out of the car. 

~

Everyone was seated on a long rectangular table, markers in everyone's hands. Xiumin was seated at the very end next to Luhan. They were waiting for the next batch. Sehun and Luhan were currently taking part in an animated conversation. Xiumin felt at peace, looking at the excitement with which Luhan was talking about a game they were both currently addicted to. Sehun and Luhan had grown really close and Xiumin was happy for them. He really was. 

They had already done 330 signatures and Xiumin's hands and face hurt. Oh well. The next fans stepped up and went down the line. Everytime the first fan from a batch came, Xiumin would feel extremely nervous. He wasn't too sure why but he had a fear that they wouldn't like or him or not want his signature. It was irrational, he knew but it remained. Luhan and Sehun were still talking as they signed the CDs, though they would stop to communicate with the fans once in a while. As a girl came up to him, he put on a cheerful smile. "Hello!" He said waving cheerfully, a grin on his face. "Ohmygod! Xiumin oppa !!!" The girl said excitedly, jumping up and down. The fear instantly disappeared. 

Xiumin laughed. "Hey there!" He said, not sure what else to say. "Can I have a signature?" She asked putting her book down. Xiumin nodded. "Sure, your name?" He asked smiling at the girl. "Lee Gaewon." The girl introduced herself proudly. Xiumin nodded and signed quickly. "Here you go! Have a nice day and thank you for coming!" He said waving cheerfully. "It was nice to meet you! Fighting oppa!!" The girl cheered before being escorted down the stairs. "Nice to meet you! Fighting~!" Xiumin called after her before turning back to the next fan. And it continued. 

In total, every batch had 30 fans. They would sign 30 times before getting a minute break. Then, they would continue. Xiumin was on his second last one when he got a letter from the girl. "This is for you oppa!" The girl said cheerfully, a mischievous glint in her eye. "Make sure to read it!" She said. "I will." Xiumin said happily, placing it on his desk. As the last one passed, Luhan stretched his hands. "One more batch!" Luhan sighed. Xiumin patted the boy's back comfortingly before focusing his attention on the letter. He had enough time to read it! 

He opened the letter and saw the carefully typed letters printed out. 
 

"Minseok Oppa, 

You really are useless, you know. What is your role in the group? Rapping? Tao and Kris can do it. Dancing? Lay is better. Or is it screaming? Huh, how pathetic. Everyone knows that EXO would be much better off without you. You're ugly and fat, look at your disgusting cheeks for example. Fat. So let's see, you have no talent and are ugly, why do you stay in EXO? Leave. No one wants you anyway. 

A true and concerned fan.'

Xiumin stared at the piece of paper, feeling his chest tighten and his eyes fill with tears. The words of the girl replayed in his head as he read over them again and again. He knew he wasn't as pretty as Luhan or possess a great voice like Chen, but he tried. He tried so hard. He was brought back to reality when the call came for the next batch. He quickly shoved the paper into his pocket and blinked his tears away quickly. Keep it together, Minseok. Smile. Heads up. It's okay. Everything's fine. 

The last batch was a blur. He smiled and laughed, signing mechanically. Everything felt like a blur during the last batch. He didn't even feel anything as he and Luhan were asked to do a heart. Luhan was giggling at something Tao had said, oblivious to the sad and overwhelmed boy sitting next to him and the heart had been quick as a fan moved to him, asking for an autograph. Xiumin was torn between wanting Luhan to notice him and not wanting him to notice. He wanted Luhan's comfort and the boy to hug him. But he was also sick of being so reliant on the boy. Part of him even felt a bit ashamed of showing them the letter. 

Most of the time, hate mail was ignored. At signings, they usually didn't get it. However, Chanyeol had gotten one during the Wolf Era and had laughed it away after Baekhyun used a funny voice to impersonate the fan. When Kris had gotten one, he had simply thrown it away, not bothering with it. But Xiumin wasn't that strong. He couldn't laugh these things away or ignore them. He cared about what others thought. He cared what the fans thought. 

But there just wasn't enough time for that right now. They had an interview to go to. 

~

All throughout the day, the words from the letter rang in Xiumin's head. EXO would be much better without you. Fat. Disgusting cheeks. He sighed, they were on the car ride back. Luhan, D.O., Baekhyun, Chen, Lay and Suho had vocal practice. Tao had gone off to one of his special wushu lessons. Sehun and Kai went to practice a routine. Kris and Chanyeol wanted to try rapping something and had gone to the studio. The only one who was heading back to the dorm was Xiumin. It was true, he really didn't have a purpose. 

"So, I think you should get sleep since you have the chance." The manager said. Xiumin nodded. "Wait, do you want a cup of coffee?" the managers asked again. Xiumin shook his head. "You're lucky that you can get some rest, you know." The manager spoke softly. He feels bad for me, Xiumin realized. I'm the only one going home. That's why. Even the manager knew that he was useless. This angered Xiumin. "I know, alright? I get it. I get that I don't have a purpose. You don't have to rub it in my face." He said angrily before sulking back into silence. "I didn't mean it that way." The manager began. Xiumin sighed. "Forget it. I'm sorry. I'm just tired. You're right, I should sleep." Xiumin spoke emotionlessly. 

The rest of the car ride was in silence. 

~

Xiumin collapsed on the bed. The manager had left already, saying he had to pick the boys up. Xiumin sighed for what seemed like the millionth time that day. He reached inside his pocket and took out the letter. He looked at the words again and again. They were so emotionless, the words typed up in clear, easy-to-read font. Don't mind. Forget about it, his mind protested. Yet, the more he looked at the words, the worse he felt. Xiumin crumpled the paper up, throwing it at a trashcan nearby. He missed. Useless. 

Xiumin got up and looked at a mirror. He poked his cheeks. He was so happy that he had lost weight. He had worked so hard on it. But, the fan was right. He was still disgustingly fat. He didn't know when he began to cry, it just happened. Silent tears rolled down his cheeks as he fell to the floor. He was trying. He was trying so hard. What else could he do? What more could he do? How far would he have to go before he was good enough? 

He sobbed into his hands, letting out all the stress and pain. He wasn't sure if it was 5 or 50 minutes, but he stopped crying, his mind numb and his head heavy. He got up and staggered to the shower. He took of his clothes mechanically, stepping into the shower. He turned the water to the hottest it would go and let the scalding heat burn him. Why don't you leave? 

He dressed in his pajamas silently and walked downstairs. He sat down on the sofa. He was hungry but he knew he shouldn't eat. Fat. Disgusting cheeks, he reminded himself. And so he sat, waiting patiently. 

His eyes were just beginning to droop when he heard the noise of the door opening. Chatter filled the air and he recognized Luhan's cheerful laugh. Xiumin froze at the sound. Suddenly, he didn't feel well at all. He didn't want to greet s. No one wants you anyway. He ran up the stairs quickly, going to his room and diving under the covers, pretending to sleep. 

~

"Where's Minseok?" Luhan immediately asked, looking around like a lost puppy. D.O. smiled at the sight. Ah, young love he thought. "He usually waits up for us." Suho commented distractedly, getting a glass of water from the kitchen. "I'll check the bedroom!" Luhan said eagerly. "Whoa there, you promised you'd help me with the food today!" Chanyeol reminded. "Remember, D.O,'s on break." 

D.O. smiled evilly, damn right he was. "I'll go check up on him." D.O. said patting the deer-like boy. "It'll only take one minute Yeol!" Luhan pleaded. Baekhyun shook his head as an answer. "Just help him, hyung. We're all hungry." The boy whined. Luhan sighed, nodding his head. "Thanks Kyungsoo." He said sadly before walking to the kitchen. 

D.O. walked up the stairs before entering the room he shared with Xiumin. The boy was curled up in bed, already alseep. Well, he couldn't blame him. Everyone was exhausted these days and being the eldest, Xiumin had been taking care of everyone as well. He had even begun to cook, now knowing how to use a toaster and would wake up earlier than everyone else. Considering it was usually him who had to cook breakfast, D.O. felt incredibly thankful to the boy. He was just about to leave when he noticed a piece of crunched up paper on the floor. Hmm, what's that. He crouched down, picking the paper up. He was about to throw it in the bin but he got curious and opened the paper. 

After he finished reading the contents of the paper, he stood up. His eyes were darker than usual and his lips were set in a straight grim line. 

He pocketed the paper and turned to leave. Luhan must know about this. 

~~~
Dun dun dun. Satansoo. 

man, im not sure how i feel about the whole concept of this chapter.

hopefully, minseok doesn't come off as a mary lou. if he does, tell me in the comments. 

this was very uncomfortable to write, from the letter to writing from do's point of view. even though it was short, it was weird. Xiuhan all the way man. 

Huh. 

Anyway, thanks for comments and subs! Much appreciated!

Have a great day/night! Bye!