21-11-12 (letter no:1)

Dear Kyuhyun,

You would be wondering now whether I’m crazy or something to do this. I don’t know whether you will see these letters. But still I’m gonna write them, there is so much that I have to tell you, don’t know why but there is this wish to know you more. That’s not wrong right? So let me start.

Let’s start with an introduction. My high school life was pretty boring, I was just the average girl who most of the people didn’t know existed. After that ended I was looking forward to college life, I felt an excitement, there were dreams I want to be fulfilled. And after coming to this college I was overjoyed. It was everything I wanted and more. My friends, who laughed, played, cried with me, those moments are so precious (you guys still are).

You know I’m an only child but after coming here I feel I have got so many elder sisters and brothers. So many loving seniors I feel so lucky to have them. I felt like Alice who had fallen into Wonderland. And to me my college felt like heaven.

With regards,

Sungmin

21-11-12 (letter no:2)

Dear Kyuhyun,

Read just one letter per day okay? This feeling to write doesn’t come often, that’s why I’m continuing for now. Anyway I’m continuing my story.

A few months passed. I’m a person with no particular skills. I’m not a good dancer not a great singer but after coming here I felt like that even I could do something. Do you remember that festival we had at your dorm? It was the first time I danced on stage. Well there was a lot of persuasion from Seohyun, Amber and Wookie, but in the end I really did it. It felt good doing programmes with you guys. Heck, me and Hae even sang a song with Key.

Then came the Inter College competition. I can even tell a lie to save my life, how was I supposed to act then? Me and Donghae were terrified when we were chosen to take part in that skit.

29-11-12

It’s the follow up of the previous letter. I have just written the dates so that I can know when I wrote them.  Me and Hae were teased a lot, saying our acting was terrible and we were gonna fail. But after months of practice, encouraging words from everyone we did that too. I couldn’t contain my happiness when we got third place for that. It felt like we had conquered Mt. Everest then.

I thought of ending this letter here, but there is something more I have to say here. Those interclass and inter college competitions were times when I enjoyed a lot. They were days filled with laughter and play. But I hadn’t noticed you much then. There were too many things then that I had to face. Things that drove me crazy and I want to tell you about them through these letters. You would be wondering why I’m telling you all this. To tell the truth, more than telling you all this I want to know more about you. My mind wishes to hear what you have to say. Somehow my heart wishes for you to be my close friend.

Let me dream about getting a reply letter from you someday.

With regards,

Sungmin

Letter no. 3

Dear Kyuhyun, 

Among the letters that I write, this one is most important. There is a chance this might be my last letter.

‘Love’ What do you have to say about it? Me, I have a story to tell about it.

My high school time, I was too much of a tomboy then (not that I’m much less now, but still). When my friends fanboyed over boy groups I was more interested in watching sports. But as time went I guess I began to change a little. Almost all girls in my class had some boy confess to her that he loved her. Funny thing to think now. But at that time it bugged me that nobody had confessed to me ever. And when it finally happened, one of my best friends at school did, the night before our final exam, I was too shocked that I blew him off without second thought.

(Sungmin then proceeds to explain about Siwon and Kangin and what happened with them, and the consequences, since it is already said in the previous chapters I thought it would be boring for you guys to read it again so)

Now all those problems have been somewhat. My class, which I thought I had lost, those friendships, I have gained them back to some extent. Fate have me that wound, it may have closed but the scars still remain. But I’m over all that and looking forward to a new beginning in my life. Those experiences made me realize the reality I live in. So ‘Love’, I still don’t know what it is because I haven’t truly fallen in love with someone.

I don’t know how much well I have described the above circumstances. I have done my best but I think the words carry more depth than it looks. I was exhausted from writing so much, it’s much easier for me to write in English. Anyway stopping here for now.

Yours,

Sungmin.

Lee Sungmin kept on writing those letters though she never showed them to Kyuhyun, only Donghae knew about it. They became a way to tell her story, a way to let her pent up feelings escape.

14-12-12

Sungmin’s dairy entry, but she keeps it along with the letters. This entry she wrote in English.

Words keep flowing out endlessly. They are crowding around in my head so much that I have to push them out. I’m drained. I feel thoroughly exhausted but I wanna write. It seems like the only thing that I can do without upsetting myself now. Writing those letters were draining. Korean, a language I’m not well versed in. It was an effort worth something. I did it because I wanted to. Only relief is the immense satisfaction I feel when I finish a letter.

But now I’m feeling sad. Why? I can’t explain. I don’t know why. Maybe because I have no reason to be happy. Those letters are addressed to a person. A person who feels special to me. But something feels wrong somewhere. Was it all worth it, I have begun to question myself. I wanted that person to be my friend, I wanted to know more about him and for him to know about me, to see me as a close friend. That was all I ever wanted, but it seems a distant dream. Sometimes it feels like he doesn’t even notice that I exist. Well that’s not all the reason for my really screwed up mood. My friends, I love them all so much. Whatever they asked me, I have always done for them. Spoiled little brats they are but I love them to the heart. Some like Donghae, I feel so protective of her. But what about me? I’m no fun I know, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have fun. Donghae and Tifffany, what would I do without these guys, I don’t know. But there are a lot of others too whom I care a lot about but they barely glance at me. I feel terrible. Maybe all this is a crack-up story I made up in my mind, but my heart moans there is a little truth in it. I wish there wasn’t. I wish I could tell I was fun, I had a lot of friends who laughed with me, not at me, spend time with me because they wanted to not because they needed my help. I can’t because that would rarely be the truth.

Author's note: So this chapter is like a sneak peek into Min's mind, how complicate it is and the way she thinks. Hope you guys give her time and support her. :)