I don’t remember the first time I met him. He said that we officially first talked when I was working, but I worked a lot. I had to. There was school that needed to be paid for and there were also hospital bills that would surely be coming, whether my mother made it or not, and not to mention the rent or food bills.

          It would be cruel to say that I wished she died, but a part of me did. A part of me just wanted her to be put out of her misery, as horrible as that sounded. Why did she have to continue living in pain? She would apologize to me all of the time, telling me how sorry she was for putting me though such stress. I worked numerous part time jobs just to keep the small rooftop room that I was currently renting. Even then, most nights were spent at the hospital beside my mother.

          “You should go home and get some real rest,” she chided me one day when I entered her room. “You’re tired and sleeping here won’t do you any good.”

          “I’m alright,” I said doing my best to muster up a smile as I sat on the white covers of her hospital bed. “I want to be here for you, Mom, to be here with you.” And that was the truth. No matter even if I had wanted her to be put out of her misery, she was my mother and I loved her. I just only wanted her to stop hurting, that was all.

          My mother had hurt her entire life. My biological father hurt her, physically, before she was even pregnant with me. When she did find out that she was pregnant, he kicked her to the curb and probably found another woman that he could sleep around with. I don’t know the entire story from there, but I remember that when I was younger, probably around five or six, we would move around to different places, different relatives that would allow my mother and me to stay with them. I never asked about my mother’s parents, about what ever happened to them, and she never told me.

          Around the time when I was eight I heard my mother talk about putting me up for adoption. She was talking to someone over the phone, I wasn’t entirely sure to who though. And honestly, by then, my mother was so hopped up on drugs and drinking that I was afraid. I was afraid that my mother would die and I would be sent to an orphanage; I was afraid that I would just be sent and never see my mother again. I was afraid that I would end up all alone with no one, but at that point, I already was.

          My mother was never around enough back then as the years continued to go by. Time just kept passing and I grew up to be independent. I learned how to lean on no one and ask help from no one. I was afraid that if I were to grow too dependent on someone, or something, that I would end up just like my mother. And so everyone got kept at an arm’s length. That’s probably what triggered that behavior even in my adult life. It was just a habit that I acquired and never really let go of.

          “Minyoung, you’re here early,” Jun said when I entered the convenience store that I worked at. I worked there mostly at night when I was done my classes for four days out of the week.

          “Lecture let out early today,” I replied. I walked around the counter and put my backpack back there along with my coat and pulled out the vest that was part of the uniform. “I figured I’d just come straight here.”

          “Do you ever sleep?” he wondered leaning on the counter and looking at me.

          “What do you mean?”

          “Literally what I just said,” Jun chuckled. “It seems like you’re always doing this or that. Do you ever have a chance to sleep in?”

          I shook my head. I figured that was enough of an explanation and he probably wouldn’t ask anything else. I didn’t want to tell him my whole life story, not even a part of it. Jun probably only figured that I went to class, came straight to work, and studied all of the time. He didn’t even know the half of it.

          But out of all of the people from my simple everyday interactions, Jun was undoubtedly the closest thing I had to a friend. It probably did help that he was a manager at the store so he was always there whenever I worked, but he had a friendly vibe about him that would attract anyone. He had a big goofy smile and big brown eyes that looked inviting. While I knew that we would never be any closer than our small interactions during work, I couldn’t not answer him whenever he asked me a question. Thankfully, he always asked simple ones, mostly about how my classes went.

          As five o’clock rolled around, Jun left and I was the only one in the store until six thirty, when Sera came in. Jun would’ve normally stayed until six thirty, but he had to leave early because of some previous family engagement. I didn’t press too hard to find out the reason.

          I must’ve been lost in my thoughts, though. I didn’t hear the bell chime and I didn’t hear when he called out for me. “Excuse me!” he finally said, or somewhat yelled. That was what got my attention. “Lost in thoughts are we?” he asked, a smile creeping up on his face. He set a couple of bottles of soju on the counter and some snacks to go with it.

          “You could say,” I politely said as I began to scan the items.

          “I always find myself thinking too much, you know?” I nodded my head in an attempt to stop the conversation, but he just kept talking. It was strange. Normally customers just said a couple of polite things, if anything, and then quietly waited until I finished scanning their items before paying and then leaving. It was a simple process, but it seemed like the guy standing before he didn’t know that. “So what are you thinking about? School, a boyfriend?”

          “Yeah,” I said figuring that just agreeing to whatever he said would be the easiest way to get rid of him. He looked to be around my age, maybe a couple of years older. His face was very angular looking and his eyes were slightly small. He didn’t seem to be a bad person, just a bit curious. He kind of reminded me of Jun, actually.

          “Of course it would be about that,” he said with a nod of his head. “You seem pretty enough that you would have boy problems.” He really had no idea what he was talking about.

          “What about you?” I asked when I finished putting the snacks in the bag and placed the bag on the counter between us. “You have all of this soju, are you throwing a party or going to be lost in your thoughts?”

          “Lost in my thoughts,” he simply stated. “I have a lot of thinking to do.”

          “And you think that getting drunk is the answer?” I wondered.

          “No, but it helps to clear the mind a bit.” I told him the amount of his purchase and he pulled out his wallet and paid me. “Well, I hope you cheer up,” he said grabbing the plastic bag.

          “What?” I asked slightly taken aback by his statement. I had said nothing about feeling down or upset.

          “Every time I come in here you always look like something’s bothering you. I hope you cheer up.” And with that, he disappeared out the door leaving me there wondering what just happened.