It felt like an eternity before he and I made it to the hospital. My one concern was my mother. I wondered how the happened. She was in the hospital, she was working on getting clean. It made no sense to me why or how she would have a . The one thing I was thankful for, though, was that she was in the hospital already. I began to think about what would’ve happened if she weren’t and if I was working and she was home alone. Would she have died because of it? If no one noticed anything in time, would she have made it?

          “Stop worrying,” he said when we were on the subway. I felt his hands begin to rub my shoulders in an effort to calm me down. In normal circumstances, I would’ve pushed him away; his hands probably wouldn’t have been there or even close, actually, in normal circumstances. But I let them there. I didn’t move away or kick or punch him. I let him keep his hands there.

          As soon as we got there I rushed into my mother’s room. One of the nurses was in there. They were probably expecting my arrival. “She is getting a CT scan,” they told me. “The doctors will be out shortly. I’ll take you to his office.”

          I nodded my head and hesitantly turned to look at him. He put a protective arm around my shoulder and was solemnly looking at the nurse. “Thank you,” he said once we arrived.

          The nurse nodded and left, probably to resume her nightly duties, and I sat down in one of the empty chairs across from the desk and he sat in the other one right next to me. We didn’t talk. I could feel the questions radiating off of him, but he never said a word. I couldn’t say anything either. I didn’t know what to say. What would I tell him?

          The two of us were silent until the doctor entered the room. “Seo Minyoung,” the doctor said. I immediately stood up and shook his offered hand. “I’m sorry that we have to meet in such circumstances.”

          “Yes, it is regretful,” I softly said. What else could I have said?

          “Thankfully, since she was in the hospital, it seems as though we caught it early enough that there won’t be any severe damage. Your mother will be moved to a new room, though, so we can keep a closer eye on her. We need to know how this happened and we need to prevent this from ever happening again.”

          “Yes, I understand,” I said.

          “When we get any new information we will call you,” the doctor explained.

          “What is my mother doing now?” I wondered.

          “We are drawing blood for more tests and she is resting. You can see her tomorrow in her new room.”

          “Thank you,” I told him as he excited.

          The doctor abruptly left and the room fell silent again, but I could feel his eyes on me again. “Minyoung…are you alright?” he slowly asked. I could tell that he was choosing his words carefully. We slowly stood and walked out into the hallway, he besides me the entire time, waiting for my answer.

          But I didn’t know what to answer with. The truth was that I wasn’t really okay. My mind had been racing with so many ‘what ifs’ about what would’ve happened if she wasn’t in the hospital that I was emotionally drained. I also didn’t have any answers, but I wasn’t expecting those. I was just happy that there didn’t seem to be anything seriously wrong.

I had done all of my research before about the consequences of long term drinking and alcohol abuse and I had done my research on heart attacks, , and other diseases and cancers. I knew that it was serious and had the potential to have very severe long-term risks, even death. And no matter how many times I thought about her dying, I never wanted it to actually happen. But since a scare had happened, it shook me deep into my core. It scared me to think that I thought of her actually dying before. She was my mother, how could I think like that?

          “Stop thinking about it,” he said. His voice brought me back to reality. I turned to face him as I could feel the tears stinging at my eyes. “Stop thinking about what could’ve been. Your mother is fine, they’re just running some tests.”

          “I…I should stay here,” I whispered.

          “No, you’re not,” he objected. “The doctors said that she’s fine and that you can see her tomorrow. It’s starting to get late. Let me take you home.”

          “I…I have to check on her.”

          “You can’t right now. Minyoung, listen to me,” he said placing his hands on my shoulder again and forcing me to look at him. “Your mother is fine. The doctor said that she is fine. So let’s go home and get some rest. You can come back tomorrow.”

          “But what if she’s not?” I asked. “What if she’s not fine? What if something happens again?”

          “She’s in a hospital, they’ll know.”

          “But—,” I began, but I was cut off by sudden pressure surrounding me. I felt him put his hand on the back of my head and pull me closer to him. He was hugging me.

          “Shh,” he whispered in my ear. “It’s okay to cry.”

          And by that moment, I hadn’t even realized that the tears had already started to fall. It was the first time that I cried in a while, for a very long while, and it was in front of another person with another person hugging me.

          Jinyoung. Jung Jinyoung. Jinyoung-oppa. He was the one hugging me. I mentally said his name in my head. I thought that it was about time that I did. Even though I had only known him for about a month, he had spent more time in my life than anyone else had, even my mother. Despite it being only for a couple of hours here and there, I felt a connection with him. From our past conversations, it felt like he understood me to an extent and after that night, it felt like I could trust him a bit.

          It felt like I was finally ready for a friend.