I think I stayed inside for a week after that. It was probably over a week. I went out after the first couple of days, after the funeral, to go to work or school, or try to do something to move on with my life. But it was all in vain. I couldn’t move past it. How could I? The man that I ended up falling in love with was no longer on this earth. What could I do? I was just not ready to move past it, not that I had wanted to accept it at that moment anyway.

          His funeral was something hard to experience, though. Seeing his picture there, seeing his family, relatives, and friends all there. Even though I was there it felt like I wasn’t. I just felt so disconnected with everything around me. His parents introduced me to some people as his girlfriend and I greeted them politely and made the usual small talk. The other guys were always by my side, though. Shinwoo almost never left my side and when he did, the others would come over to replace him, or they would just stay by my side. They also frequently came over to my apartment to check up on me, I guess, even though I told them that they didn’t have to. As much as I enjoyed their company and was appreciative of their kindness, I knew that this was just something that I would have to get over myself, something that I had to work through on my own.

          “Minyoung!” I heard Shinwoo’s voice outside of my apartment.

          “Oh, hi, how are you?” I asked appearing in the doorway. “Are you here to check up on me again?” I chuckled.

          “Maybe,” he playfully joked. “No, I have some things for you.”

          “Things? What things?” I wondered.

          “Some things,” he said with a smile that made me think he was up to no good. “One of the things his parents had, since it was in the hospital room. They asked me to give it to you. The other thing, meanwhile, I was entrusted to give to you.”

          “Things?” I asked again.

          Shinwoo held out a bag and I took it from his hands. “Think of it as Jinyoung’s last present. Actually, thinking about it, it is your last present, your present to remember him forever.”

          “Huh?” I asked but Shinwoo was already making his way toward the staircase.

          “You’ll find out for yourself.”

          I stood outside of my door until Shinwoo disappeared from my sight and made my way to the wooden platform to look at what could possibly be in the bag. It was an envelope, which contained a letter, and an mp3 player.

          I figured I should start with the envelope and opened the letter. I read my name and the first sentence of the letter and felt my tears already start to fall.

Seo Minyoung. Minyoung-ah. Minyoung. If you’re reading this…well then we already both know what that means, don’t we.

But let’s not dwell on the bad events, that’s not why I’m writing this letter. I guess you could say that I was inspired to after reading the letter you wrote for me. You’re really good at writing letters, Minyoung. You should write them more often. Write them whenever you’re sad, write them thinking about me. Even write some to me sometimes, I’m okay with that. I still want to know everything about you, about how your day has been, about the rough patches you have, about how well you’re getting through life even though I foolishly left first.

I hope you don’t regret me for that. You should know that I love you and I will always continue to love you. I’ll be making songs for you and when we meet again, I’ll definitely sing them to you, I’ll definitely let you hear them.

With this letter, you should find one other thing, an mp3 player. It contains a song that Shinwoo put together for me that I call ‘Road.’ It’s another song I wrote while thinking about you, that probably goes without being said. Listen to it whenever you feel lonely, listen to that other song, too.

I hope you’ll keep the necklaces that I gave you, the one with the heart on it that I had given to you the first day we started dating and then the necklace with the ring on it. I want them to be a token of what we had together and perhaps also what we missed out on together. I guess you could say that I’m kind of afraid about you forgetting me, Seo Minyoung. I guess I’m thinking that you’ll somehow forget all of the good memories we had together. I do want you to keep creating good memories, though. Don’t stop living your life. Keep living, keep going forward. Do it for the both of us, but most importantly, do it for yourself. Do the things that you want to do and don’t let anyone hold you back.

I’ll always be a shining star above you, Minyoung. I’m going to watch over you forever, don’t you worry. I’ll always be protecting you. I love you. I really, really love you. I hope you don’t feel any regrets about being together with me.

Even if I were reborn, even if I had the chance to redo it all again, I’d still pick the same path. Why? Because if it wasn’t for this unfortunate fate of mine, we would have never met. I’d pick you time and time again Seo Minyoung.

I love you.

Jung Jinyoung

I read the letter over and over again, my hand unconsciously holding onto the necklace with the ring that I still wore and will always continue to wear. As I kept reading, I remembered Jinyoung’s past words. Letters do really have some calming effect. I read it so many times that I was probably able to recite it by memory. It was a letter and an experience that I never wanted to forget.

          I had finally moved onto the mp3. I was slightly anticipating what I would hear yet I was also afraid. I was afraid about what it would contain, I was afraid about if it truly meant the end of my relationship with Jinyoung. Yet I knew deep down that there was no way that our relationship would ever truly end. I’d still be attempting to live as though he were living life right alongside of me. I wanted to stay true his words, to his wishes about me continuing to live life the way I wanted to. I wanted to be able to be strong for the both of us.

          I finally hit the play button to hear the final song that Jinyoung wrote for me and was greeted by the sound of a calm piano melody. The vocals started easing in and I found myself once again captivated by the creation that Jinyoung had made. I wondered how he could create such wonderful songs and was saddened at the thought that he’d no longer be around to make any more. I let myself be engrossed by the song for a little while and just took in the lyrics.

I wandered on this dark road

Every day was tiring and I didn’t have a dream

On that roadside you always gave me strength

Because you were there I can walk like this

We shared bread even when we were hungry

Without a reason there were many rebellions

You and I who match each other better than anyone else

Time was regretfully passing as we walked this road

Oh it remains as a black and white film

Our time back then, those days, that time, that wind, that road

I hope it will always remain a good story

The road we walked on every day as we laughed and cried

I hope you don’t forget the sworn promises we made together

We’ll be able to smile the day we meet again

I hope you and I don’t change

At the end of this road we walk together

As time passes, even as the years pass

You can always lean on me when things get hard

I’ll give you strength, I’ll be your road

I hope you can fly even higher, higher

          As the song ended I became a mess again. I was in love with the song so much, the lyrics and the meaning, yet a part of me was breaking down because it was Jinyoung’s voice, it was something that I’d cherish forever because I’d never be able to hear it again. I wondered when he had time to create such a song and for Shinwoo to put it together for him. It was incredible, but it also meant that Jinyoung knew his time was running out. He realized that he was slowly losing time and he wanted to write me one final gift. Although, it was probably the best gift that anyone had ever given me in my life. But it also made me want to be a better person, for everyone, for the world. And for what was perhaps the very first time in my life, in my existence, it felt like I actually knew what I wanted to do with my life, where I wanted to go.

          It was all thanks to one person. It was because of that person that I’d be standing where I am. It was all because of Jung Jinyoung.