I hated to admit it, but his words bothered me. They continued to bother me for the next month. I was curious and I wanted to ask him about what he meant. That day at the hospital there was a vulnerability about his words, like he truly did experience the same thing that I did before. Maybe not the exact same events, but it seemed like he knew what he was talking about, like he was actually looking out for my wellbeing.

          But the main question was why. I wondered what he was trying to say and what he was trying to do, but I didn’t get the chance to ask him. Even though he would randomly pop up around me more frequently, I always held back my words. Maybe even back then I was afraid of losing him.

          I wouldn’t have called him a friend, though. It would’ve been an overstatement to say that I looked forward to his meetings, but it would be an understatement to say that I didn’t enjoy them. I started to enjoy his company, I won’t lie. He was just someone who was there. His visits were never consistent and I never knew when I would see him, but they were nice. He always ended up surprising me. More than once he made his way to the rooftop and I found myself sitting there and talking to him.

          That night I went to the rooftop in order to clear my head a bit. I had been studying all day and I was feeling a headache coming on. I thought that spending some time outside of the cramp room would give me a nice break and a chance to do some thinking. Part of the reason I wasn’t studying well was because of his words.

          In my mind I always identified him as ‘him.’ I thought that if I put a name to him then he would become real, I would somehow expect something out of him. If I didn’t, then I wouldn’t lean on him and could still keep my independence. It was like me saying or thinking his name would somehow cause me to become somewhat dependent on him.  

          I was out there for a couple of minutes before he made his appearance. “It’s just the person I wanted to see,” he said with a smile. He sat down next to me and crossed his legs. “What are you doing out here?”

          “Taking a break,” I replied. I stared at the sky and laid on my back to get a better view of the stars. “I’ve been studying like crazy.”

          “Oh yeah, you’re in college, aren’t you?”

          “I am. What about you?” I asked. I had gotten more comfortable in asking him questions, not to mention that I slowly found myself becoming more curious about him as well.

          “No,” he simply replied. I turned my head to look at him and saw him staring right at me.

          “So you never went?”

          “Didn’t say that,” he chuckled. “I graduated already.”

          “Oh, really? How old are you?”

          “Twenty-four.”

          “Ah, then you’re my oppa,” I simply commented.

          “Oppa…I like that word,” he said as he lay down next to me. He put his hands behind his head and stared up at the stars with me.

          Neither one of us said anything for a while, just lying in the darkness and staring at the stars. It was a comfortable silence and for the very first time, I found that I was comfortable with someone else by my side.

          “Minyoung,” he said breaking the silence.

          “Yeah?” I turned my head to the right and saw him still staring straight ahead at the dark sky.

          “Do you think it’s alright to live as a star?”

          “What?” I asked slightly confused.

          “You know, a star,” he sighed and pointed at one in the sky. “I think it’d be really nice, to look at all of the people and the world and be something shining brightly and beautifully.”

          “I guess it would be,” I said. I wasn’t sure what he was getting at, but he didn’t go any further on that subject than asking that question. He fell silent again and I moved my head back to its original position.

          I wasn’t entirely sure how long I was out there and frankly, while I was out there, I wasn’t thinking of the studying that I was missing. I was beginning to enjoy myself out there and I found myself comfortable with him, more comfortable than I was with anyone, including my mother.

          It was probably because there was just something welcoming about him. He was friendly and welcoming and he didn’t seem to care about me having this wall built around myself. He still visited me and saw me. Was that what a friend was all about?

          “So why do you like being alone?” he asked. “You told me before that it’s a choice, but why? Why is it a choice?”

          I gently closed my eyes and tried to ignore his question. That didn’t last long, though, because when it felt as though someone was staring me down, I opened my eyes and saw him staring at me. He moved so that he was on his side and his left arm was holding up his head. He was looking at me expectantly, like I would give him the answer to that question. I didn’t know the answer myself.

          The simple answer would’ve been to say that it was because of my mother, but maybe it wasn’t. I never really saw my mother have friends, she only burned every relationship she ever had. At that point in time, I was considering the possibility that I was just afraid of having a friendship with someone. I didn’t want to cause hurt to someone and I didn’t want someone to hurt me. I saw how my mother ruined everything around us and I vowed never to be like her.

          I opened my mouth to answer him. Not to give him the full real answer, but to give him something based off the truth that would be believable, but I didn’t get the chance to because my cell phone rang.

          Immediately I took it out of my pocket because it could’ve only been one place, the hospital. No other person had my phone number besides my mother, but my mother almost never called me. I gave it to her just in case something happened and the doctors and nurses also had my number on file for emergencies. In that split second, I felt my heart speed up and my hands become clammy, but it wasn’t compared to what happened next.

          “Minyoung-ssi,” the male voice said over the phone, “we’d like it if you could come to the hospital as quickly as possible. Your mother had a .”

          “A what?” I asked unable to form words.

          “A ,” he repeated, “so if possible, we would like if you could come to the hospital as soon as you can.”

          “Yes, of course, I’ll be there in five minutes,” I quickly said.

         I quickly ended the call and dashed into my house to grab a proper coat, my backpack, and shoes. I heard his footsteps and his voice, but none of it registered until he grabbed my shoulders and forced me to stop and look at him.

          “Minyoung,” he said, but I assumed that it was probably his thousandth time saying my name in that time. “What’s going on? Why do you have to go to the hospital?” I figured that I had said that when I was muttering to myself.

          “I just…I need to go,” I said as I attempted to walk past him, but he grabbed my arm to stop me.

          “You’re not going anywhere like that alone; you’re a wreck right now. I’ll go with you.”

          “No-,” I began to object.

          “Minyoung,” he said in a much firmer voice. “I’m going with you. I’m not letting you go alone like this.” I looked at him before I slowly nodded my head in agreement. “Great,” he said taking my backpack from me. “Now tell me where we’re going.”