“Shinwoo told me that he told you,” Jinyoung said. He and I were sitting on his hospital bed, but we sat inches away from one another. We were both probably afraid of getting too close, of being too close to one another. But the crying had subsided enough for Jinyoung and I to finally talk about it, to talk about what was clearly laid out in front of us, the elephant that was in the room. “I was waiting for you to come back. I was afraid that you wouldn’t.”

          I said nothing and turned to look at him. The entire situation still hadn’t registered in my brain yet, I wasn’t sure if it ever would. He probably noticed since he didn’t say anything. He didn’t push me to say something and he didn’t force his words onto me. He just let the silence play out between us, the silence that was held with so many words that we both wanted to say.

          “This wasn’t the way I wanted you to find out,” he finally sighed. “This wasn’t how anything was supposed to happen.”

          “Shinwoo…oppa,” I hesitantly began, “said that you just found out that you had it again.” I couldn’t say the word, it wouldn’t come out of my mouth.

          “I like to hide a couple of things from him,” Jinyoung said with his best attempt at a chuckle. “I knew for longer,” he quickly explained. “There’d be no way that I could get into the hospital this fast. They have to have rooms, the right doctors have to be around, there are a whole lot of factors that go into it. I just…sped up the timeline a bit.”

          There were so many things that I wanted to say, so many questions I wanted answers to, but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. How could I? Nothing I would say would be able to change anything anyway. One thing was sticking out in my mind, though. Just why in the world was I acting like that? It wasn’t like I was never faced with the possibility of someone I know dying. My mother was faced with that possibility every single day. Yet there I was, sitting there, upset and sad. All because of Jinyoung.

          “Minyoung, I never meant to hurt you,” Jinyoung continued. It seemed like the conversation between us was only going to be one-sided. “I just…I didn’t know what to say or how to say it and I know it was selfish of me to ask you out, to be my girlfriend, but I just…I just couldn’t let you get away from me. I wanted the chance to be with you.”

          “So you…you knew when you asked me out?” It took all I had to get that one simple question out. It probably wasn’t the greatest first question that could’ve come out of my mouth, but I wanted to say something, to somehow contribute to the conversation.

          “Not particularly,” Jinyoung said choosing his words carefully. “I had a blood test that day. Those bandages that you saw on my arm, it was because I gave blood for testing.” I nodded my head and sighed. “I understand if you’re upset with me, if you never want to see me again. I can live with that.”

          Jinyoung gave me a smile and it felt like my heart broke even more when his sad eyes looked into mine, if that were even possible. “I don’t, I couldn’t,” I began shaking my head. “I could never be upset with you. Sure maybe I’m a little confused right now and emotional about this whole thing, but it’s only because it’s coming at me all at once. I…I’m not going to leave you, oppa.”

          Jinyoung didn’t say anything, it wasn’t like he needed to anyway. He moved over on the bed, closing the distance between us, embracing me in a hug. I hugged him back and rested my head on his shoulder thinking about how he’s the one who’s comforting me.

          “I’m sorry,” I said wiping away the tears that had formed, “I’m normally not like this. I mean, I’m not like this at all with my mother.”

          “That’s because you weren’t in a good place with your mother when she got admitted to the hospital,” Jinyoung softly said wiping away the remaining tears on my cheeks.

          “What’s that supposed to mean?” I gently chuckled.

          “It means that you really care for me, that you may even…love me. When your mother came to the hospital, you didn’t really like her. Or at least I think that’s what I remember you saying. You guys were in a bad spot with one another so it probably didn’t really mean that much to you. Of course it meant something, but…it’s just…different, you know?”

          I stared at him for a moment before nodding my head. “I guess…”

          “I love you, Minyoung,” Jinyoung abruptly said. “I know it’s sudden, but it’s the truth. I’ve realized just how much I don’t ever want to let you go. You don’t have to answer me right now or even say anything,” he quickly added. “I just wanted you to know. I wanted you to know that I love you, that I really care for you, and I would never want to hurt you.”

          I could only stare at him, probably like a complete idiot. Did I love Jinyoung? That was the question that was circling in my head. Did I actually love him? I knew that I cared a lot for him, but did that mean that I loved him? I didn’t even know what love was, but if I was this upset about him being in the hospital, then that had to mean something I figured. What that something was, I didn’t know.

          Right when I was about to say something, a child burst into the room. “Hyung!” he happily yelled and ran up to Jinyoung. I saw that the young boy was also in a hospital gown with a gray beanie on top of his head. “The other kids want to know if you’re going to come out and play for us.”

          Jinyoung took what seemed to be an uneasy look at me. I nodded and Jinyoung turned back to the boy. “Of course, I’ll be right out in a minute. Go gather everyone around, alright?”

          “Yes!” the boy yelled and ran out of the room as quickly as he came in.

          “That’s Dongwan,” Jinyoung said with a faint chuckle. “He and the other kids love it when I play the guitar and sing for them.”

          “Go. I don’t want to deprive them of something that makes them happy.”

          “But you and I…we aren’t done talking yet.”

          “You told him that you’d be out in a minute,” I attempted to point out. “Go.”

          Jinyoung gently got up off the bed and reached for his guitar case that was standing up in the corner of the room. He stopped when he took his guitar out. His head hung low as he stared at the open case in front of him. His head gradually rose when he turned around to look at me and sighed. “I’m afraid. I’m afraid that you won’t be here when I get back.”

          “I promise I’ll be here,” I said going and standing next to him. I took a deep breath as I gave him a slight smile. “I told you before,” I said as I interlocked our fingers together, “I told you that I’m not going anywhere, that I’m not going to leave you.”

          “You just told me that you weren’t going to leave me,” he pointed out.

          I smiled wider and he laughed, each of us staring into the others eyes making it seem like everything was like what it once was before. “Let’s get out there, we don’t want those kids to wait,” he finally said.