Kyungsoo watched as his friends got into another one of their bickering sessions. His mind was occupied with his brief conversation with Chanyeol.

-

​"I know you already talked to Jongdae, so I won't ask you to repeat it for me, but I want to say something. You really need to find closure soon. And maybe open yourself to other possibilities. Maybe realize that there are others out there who are waiting for you to come around."

"Who would wait for me Chanyeol?" Kyungsoo scoffed. " What is there to wait for?"

Chanyeol kept quiet as he looked at him with disappointed eyes. "Everything"

Kyungsoo stared at Chanyeol with sadness, unable to believe him still but the conversation was ended since Jongdae came back.

-

He couldn't make heads and tails of what was going on in his head. After eating the ice cream, the three went to Chanyeol's house and decided to have a sleep over there that night. Chanyeol dragged Jongdae to play a video game with him, leaving Kyungsoo to his thoughts. It was funny, since it felt like the two knew that they shouldn't have left Kyungsoo alone to his thoughts even for a minute until they got home, and once they got home they knew that should leave him alone finally.

And so there was Kyungsoo sitting alone in Chanyeol's room, pretending to do his homework, and the other two were playing.

What did Chanyeol even mean by everything? He didn't have anything that anyone would want. He was lacking in so many things. He wasn't like Baekhyun, so that he could attract others to him easily. He didn't even have Baekhyun... He wan't Baekhyun! HE WASN'T BAEKHYUN NOR DID HE HAVE HIM!

Kyungsoo's head shot up from looking down at his notebook as a realization hit him like a 15000 pound truck moving at a fast speed runs into a wall. It knocked the breath out of him, making him loose his bearings. He didn't love Baekhyun like he had thought he did! He was obsessed with him because he wanted to be him. And since he couldn't change himself to be like him, he started trying to get his good qualities in another way... by getting Baekhyun himself. This explained the disappointment he had felt early on. He was disappointed in himself for not being what he wanted to be. Was this the reason he hung out with Baekhyun? Because he wanted to be like him? No, that wasn't it. He did appreciate and respect Baekhyun, for who the other was, but he had just added another feeling onto this basic one. It made him feel disgusted with himself. It was no wonder that Baekhyun was awkward around him, because he was not normal around him either Kyungsoo thought as he breathed in deep, trying to come to terms with his new understanding of himself. That is how Jongdae found him when he sneaked out to spy check up on Kyungsoo, in guise of needing to go use the washroom. Kyungsoo heard someone rushing towards him and looked to see Jongdae through blurry eyes.

"What happened Soo? Are you crying?" Jongdae asked fretting over the little boy.

Kyungsoo shook his head and after a moment's pause spoke up, "I have been thinking...about Baekhyun and myself." Kyungsoo noted the downward twitch of Jongdae's lips when he said that, and but wrote it off as his friend worrying about him. 

"Oh!" was all Jongdae said.

"Yeah. I realize why I wanted him, why I thought I was crushing on him-"

"Thought?" Jongda