A/N For the next few chapters, it will all be written in Andrea's POV. 

 Thank you!😊

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"I'm so sorry honey." My mom reached over to rub my back in an attempt to comfort me. To be honest, it did nothing to lift my mood. I looked back down to the freshly moved earth that covered Ryan's grave. By now I had no more tears, just the dull ache in my heart and the emptiness in my soul. 

"He was so stupid.. I was so stupid." I kneeled down, the headstone with my fingertips. My mom sighed.

"Do you blame yourself?" This made me look up. Did I blame myself? Everyone in my life had made sure to let me know that this was not my fault. I tried to help Ryan, he was just to stubborn. He wouldn't listen.

Did I actually believe that?

Hell no. When he came home early from rehab, I should've drove him straight back there. 

"No." I lied. I didn't need my parents concerned about me. I only barely convinced them not to send me to therapy. I reverted my attention back at Ryan. Don't get me wrong, I missed him. But a part of me foresaw this happening a long time ago. You don't carelessly use heroin and survive.

You carelessly use herion and end up dead next to an abandoned house. 

But I had told that to Ryan only 3 million times, and that got me nowhere. In one ear, out the next.

Damn you Ryan. 

I was scarred, torn in two. And he'd never have to answer fo himself, never have to explain. Would never have to see what he's done to me. It made me wish the tables were turned. I wish that Ryan was the one kneeling before my grave, barely holding on to the shattered remains of his life. Ryan had it easy. I hated him for that. 

I got up suddenly, turning my back to him.

"Let's go." I muttered, not even waiting for my mother to reply. Making my way up the cobblestone path, I reached my car. Digging through my purse for my keys I felt my phone vibrate.

It was a text from an unknown number.

I chose to ignore it. 

~~~~~~~~

Jr looked at me with warm eyes, gently beckoning me through the hospital doors.

I don't want to be here.

But Jr and the others kept saying how much it would lift Youngjae's spirits to see me. Not wanting to disappoint, I grudgingly agreed. My heart clenched as Jr turned and entered room 200B. 

Youngjae looked so pale and weak. The sound of our shuffling footsteps jolted him awake, but he struggled to keep his eyes open. I couldn't bear to look at him. 

It had been two weeks since Youngjae had been hospitalized, and although it seemed as if he would have a speedy recovery, that proved not to be the case. Complications arose, and he even had to go through surgery. The Asia Showcase was postponed, and at the moment the entirety of our energy was going towards the care and support of Youngjae.

"Annyeong, Youngjae hyung ," Yugyeom took his usual place on the edge of the hospital bed, Youngjae's cheek, "How are you feeling hyung?" Youngjae grumbled in response. I took a seat in between Jr and Mark on the small couch. Jr placed a hand on my knee, but I didn't have the energy to acknowledge it. I was smothered in guilt, had been ever since he got here. I should've known, should've tried harder to take care of him. It endlessly irritated me to know I could do nothing to help the situation. It didn't take long for Youngjae to slip off into sleep. We just sat around him in silence, morbidly gazing upon him.

We were there for what felt like hours, and I could not wait to leave. Finally a nurse came and told us that visiting hours were over. I wasn't the only person who looked glad that we finally got to leave. Jr reached put and laced his fingers with mine. Normally, I would never let thiscontine, but in my current state I just smiled. 

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Once home I rushed to my room. I closed the door behind me, flipping on the lights simultaneously. I was emotionally drained, but there was something I had to do. Padding lightly, I quickly crossed the room to my closet. Sliding the door open, I went to the back of the walk in. In the corner, on the right shelf, was an Addidas shoebox. I brought it down gently, falling to my knees. Once opened, the first thing I saw was Ryan. It was his sophmore yearbook photo. His mom had given it to me the first time I came over. After that was our homecoming pictures, then aimless "couple" photos. I placed every single picture around me until only one thing remained; the laminated copy of Ryan's obituary. His parents had chosen to use his football picture. You could see my arm intertwined with his, but the rest of me was cut out. 

I cried before the sadness came. That was always the case when I chose to go down memory lane and look through my pictures of Ryan. Rough sobs racked through my body. I knew I was being quite loud, but after visiting Youngjae at the hospital I didn't really care.

You said you were going to save him Andrea.

I quickly pushed that thought away. This was not the time to put me through a monumntal guilt trip.

"Who is that?" I practically had a heart attack when I felt Jr place a hand on the top of my head. Panicking, I tried to scoop the pictures back into the box.

"Oh, uhm, no one." I stuttered, trying to find my way out of having to explain, "What the hell where you doing sneaking up on me Jr?"

"I could hear you crying," He shrugged,reaching over to pick up the picture of me and Ryan laughing at Homecoming. I swatted away his hand, "Now, why don't you tell me the truth. Who is he?" I could hear the agitation growing in his voice.

"It's none of your business. If I wanted to tell you, I would." I said indignately. I continued putting the pictures back into the box,closing it and then getting up to put it back. I turned to see Jr staring at me whith narrowed eyes. I sighed.

"It is my business Andrea." I laughed.

"Oh really? And how is that? You're not even my boyfriend, yet you go around scaring everyone away from me in jealous rage. News flash, I can do whatever I want." I shouldered past him, walking into the bathroom to begin getting ready for bed. Jr trailed behind me.

"That is not true. You know I like you!" I stopped in my tracks. Jr, looking up trying to think of effective words to say, ran right into me.

"No you don't." I whispered. I turned around suddenly and began pushing Jr towards the door.

"Hey! What are you doing?"

"Get out! Now! How dare you lie to me about something like that?" I screeched.I opened the door and pushed himout into the hallway. He looked back at me blatantly confused.

"I'm not lying Andrea. I li-" I cut him off by slaming the door in his face.

I was tired, so very tired. Not even bothering to change clothes, I got underneath the covers and went to bed.