"Are you sure you want to do this?"

 Immediately as the question left his mouth, he gave himself a mental smack on the head. Of course he would want to do this. Did he even realize who he was? Hell, there wasn't anyone who could stop him even if they wanted to.

He was talking to probably one of the most influential men in the South East Asian region, the man who had the power to bring down the entertainment industry in the blink of an eye, the man who produced success in bulks. Whose touch turned near everything to gold.

Who was he to even question?

"Yes," Soo Man answered anyway, his eyes locked on the one yellowing piece of paper he had on his desk. Without even meaning to, the small man was a dominating form. Against his office desk, his elbows propped against it, his fingers interlocked into a look of extreme concentration, he radiated nothing short of power.

"You do realize..."

"Yes. I do," Soo Man answered curtly.

Yong Hoon stayed quiet as he leaned against his chair across the desk, facing Soo Man. He looked away in a moment of deep-thinking. He was calculating the repercussions that could come out of this. He was not manager of TVXQ for nothing. As a manager of five years for a company that changed managers every two, he was beyond skilled in the art of prediction.

"I realize my position," he started, eyes meeting Soo Man's, "So it is not in my power to question." Hey, that rhymed, he thought distractedly, before he was back in serious mode again. "But are you sure this is what they want? Are you sure this is even a smart move? You know how this will affect your stocks, as well as your own worth."

Soo Man nodded. Of course he had thought of all this. He had gone through the possible outcomes nearly a million times in his head. He was confident he had gone through all possible scenarios and what would come after that. After all, he hadn't created a successful company from scratch with a head full of air.

"I believe this is for the best," Soo Man answered, as he picked up the yellowed piece of paper that was the contract Jaejoong, Yoochun, Junsu, Yunho and Changmin had signed more than ten years back. The signatures were fading with age, though the fine print stayed strong despite the years that went by. He read it again for the umpteenth time, making sure he had memorized every term and condition on the paper, before he slipped it into the file it had come with.

"So you're really doing this," Yong Hoon murmured, his expression blank as he stared at the file. He was of course, being rhetorical, but the CEO still nodded all the same.

"Do you really think he'd come back though," Yong Hoon asked as he looked up, though he quite knew the answer himself. Of course he would come back. The two were extremely important to him. Although Yong Hoon himself had never met him, from what he had heard, the love and care he showed them very much meant that they meant the world to him.

"It would be difficult for him to say no," Soo Man answered, "Knowing what's at stake."

The previous phone call from him had already been enough to confirm Soo Man’s suspicion of the other’s growing doubt. He would, undoubtedly, risk everything to come back to them.

"And the rest? The other two that he's always with?"

It was weird how it had grown to be an unspoken rule to never mention 'their' names in the SM Academy. People avoided it like the plague, rather choosing to curb around the names with simple terms such as 'Them', 'They' and 'Him'. But ever since He had visited the Academy a few days back, it seemed the situation had mellowed greatly. There was a sad sense of acceptance that the three of them had chosen to go their own way, and they had all chosen to respect that.

But now, with everything going on, it seemed that the rule was lost.

"Yoochun and Junsu, you mean?" Soo Man corrected. Yong Hoon flinched ever so slightly, unused to the rule breaking coming from the tongue of the person who first started it.

"Yes. Them," Yong Hoon answered curtly.

"It doesn't matter," Soo Man said with an air of ignorance.

"What do you mean?"

"The two of them look up to Jaejoong like a mother hen. Wherever he chooses to go, like it or not they will follow. It wouldn't be much effort to pull them along."

The manager raised an eyebrow in amused doubt.

"You planned this, didn't you? You knew that by extracting the dominant figure and influencing him to lean towards you, the others would follow. They'll come to him, whether they like it or not."

Soo Man let out a puff of air that sounded something like a laugh.

“What nonsense you're sprouting. I could never predict something of this scale to happen. I never asked for Yunho to beat Changmin, nor did I ask Jaejoong and the rest to come save them. I’m merely making the best of the situation. You could never know what will happen, you just hope for the best.”

Yong Hoon smiled, as he shook his head.

"Do you remember what happened the last time you did that? It was with H.O.T. You were so confident to get Kangta to renew his contract, thinking the other members would follow."

Soo Man stayed silent at this, his arms crossed.

"They didn't," finished Yong Hoon. "And you were left with a sole member of H.O.T, and a disbanded super group." Yong Hoon stared into his boss's eyes, as he stated the final blow. "Just like now."

If Soo Man had been affected by the cleverly layered insults, he showed no sign that he was. He leveled his gaze to his subordinate. "That was in the past. This is now. The situations are different."

Yong Hoon sighed as he dropped his shoulders and shrugged. "Mistakes of the past have a bad habit of reoccurring," he advised, the warning in his tone ominous. "Let's hope this doesn't."

"I'm sure it won't."

“You talk as if they’ve already accepted your offer,” Yong Hoon said, lips downcast in a questioning frown.

“Oh, but they will,” Soo Man beamed, “With the offer I’m making them, it would be foolish of them to even think of rejecting.”

Once again, Yong Hoon sighed and shook his head. There was no denying that the man before him was someone of extreme power, but whether he had the morality to rule was something Yong Hoon himself was unsure of.

 

*****************

 

Jaejoong looked between the two of them, slightly confused. This wasn't really how he had expected them to react.

"I talked with Lee Soo Man. He’s given me the chance to reconsider up till evening. If I choose to go with it...then I'll ring him up. But if not...then I'll stay."

"And what will you do?" Junsu asked.

"As I said, I had always wanted us to come back. All of us. Together. Wasn't it our main goal to stand as one on stage one day? I don't want to be a burden to one party and a liability to the next. I just thought that if we were to come back together... Things would be okay."

Junsu looked between the two of them, eyes darting from Yoochun to Jaejoong. He bit his lip uncertainly as he asked. "What did you tell Lee Soo Man?"

Jaejoong shook his head as he played with the rim of his cup. "I haven't given my definite answer yet. I just thought..." He gave a sigh, before shrugging. "I didn't know what I was thinking. I just thought that it would be what was best; for all of us."

"How would you know?" Yoochun suddenly asked. He had been silent for most of the conversation between Jaejoong and Junsu, but now, he spoke up. "How would you know what's best for us?

Jaejoong was suddenly silent, as he realized the gravity of what he had just done.

"Yoochun, I wasn't..."

"No," Yoochun interrupted him, the suppressed anger evident in his voice. "How do you know what's best for us? How do you know that your decision is going to work? I'm not a kid, Jaejoong. Neither is Junsu. Don't treat us like we are. You would never know what's best for me. Only I would."

It wasn't that Yoochun didn't want to come back. He had been in discussion about it with Junsu for some time. It wasn't that he didn't like the idea of returning to TVXQ, to SM either. It wasn't even that he was in a bad mood. No.

Jaejoong had made the simple, seemingly minute (but obviously not to Yoochun) mistake of making a decision for him. Going through the years of cage-like existence in SM, and the near wilderness of reality, freedom of choice was something Yoochun took extremely seriously, more so after the lawsuit, when times had been tough and options had been restricted to a near chokehold. Yoochun came to hate people making major decisions for him, thinking that they understood him, that they knew him.

They didn't. No one did.

"Yoochun," Jaejoong tried to quickly cover, "You're right. I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

"Why're you doing this to me?" Yoochun asked, his voice dripping with spite. "Why? Is it so you can do whatever you want with me? Or am I too young and too dumb to make my own decisions? Hell, you think you know every piece of my mind! How do you know I even want to come back to SM? What if I don't? And if I don't speak my mind, are you just going to drag me down back to that hellhole along with you, Junsu and the rest? You think this is the right decision? Stop and think, hyung. We've been fighting for half a decade, trying to get out of SM. And now you're practically begging on your knees to be allowed back. And you're trying to pull Junsu and me along with you? Why don't you stop and think for a while."

Blow after blow after blow, Yoochun kept shooting at every possible angle he could see. He didn't really mean all that he had said, hell he'd probably regret saying them. He was merely shooting any poisonous words coming out of his mouth, venting his understandably childish anger.

"You don't know me, Jaejoong. You don't!"

And with that, he upped and left, leaving a dazed Jaejoong and Junsu behind. The latter slowly sighed, exhaling loudly as he sunk into his seat.

"Jaejoong hyung, let's just let him calm down. It's Yoochun. You know how hard his emotions are to understand."

Jaejoong could only stare at Yoochun, as he walked away, before he completely disappeared from view. He was acting like a pubescent teenager, quite honestly.

"Jaejoong hyung," Junsu called, placing a hand on his shoulder. Jaejoong turned his head to look at him. "It's gonna be okay. Just give him some time. It's Yoochun after all."

Jaejoong sighed as well, running a hand through his hair. He was tired; mentally, physically and emotionally drained. The past few days were too much for one person to take alone. Running between Jaera, SM, Changmin and Yunho had taken its toll on his increasingly frail body, and he couldn't help but just feel tired, so tired.

Junsu quietly studied his hyung, gauging his reactions, watching out for him.

"And what about you, Junsu?" Jaejoong suddenly asked.

"Mm?"

"I want your honest opinion,” he said, eyes suddenly meeting Junsu, “What do you think?"

The younger stayed silent for several moments, not really understanding the question, before realization dawned on him. "Oh... You mean about coming back?"

At Jaejoong's nod, Junsu fell silent once more. "Like you said," he began, voice laced with caution. "Changmin and Yunho hyung are the main priority. I guess for them..."

"That's not what I meant, Junsu," Jaejoong said, interrupting just as Junsu began trailing off. "I meant you; you, not Changmin, nor Yunho. But you. What do you think of it of all this?"

Jaejoong saw Junsu's eyes widen, like a deer caught in headlights. It looked like Junsu had been pushed into a corner, as his hand flew up to his lips, childishly nibbling his nails from nervousness. He wanted to say something, Jaejoong knew, but was too scared of any repercussions.

"Junsu?" Jaejoong pushed on.

"I'm... I'm fine with it," Junsu answered hesitantly. "You know I'll always go along with you."

Jaejoong stared a hole into Junsu's head, making the younger shrink further and further into himself.

“Junsu, you know that whatever it is, you can say it. I won’t be mad. I’ll respect your decision. I always will.”

It seemed the words seemed to have the desired effect on Junsu as his hand dropped from around his lips to fall to his side and he sighed slightly. There was no running away now.

“I care for Changmin and Yunho hyung. I’m sure you know that. I also care for you and Yoochun. If this is what’s best for everyone, then of course I’ll come back. I just don’t want any discord happening between us. You know we left not in the best of conditions, Jaejoong hyung. I’m just afraid that what happened from before… will happen again. What if us coming back triggers an adverse effect? What if it only comes back to all the fighting and arguing? I’m just afraid of that.”

The elder held his steady gaze on Junsu, as he rested his chin against his propped up palm. Junsu had a point. There was always that risk. There was the threat that them coming back might even make things infinitely worse. But they had to try. They had to at least try.

“I understand,” Jaejoong answered, “But we don’t know for sure what will happen. We don’t know whether this will make things better or worse. But we have to try. I would rather risk it than leave Changmin and Yunho as how they are right now. I have to at least be there for them.”

Junsu lowered his gaze to stare at his interlinked fingers resting on the table.

“Just because I’ll do it, doesn’t mean you have to, too. Yoochun was right. I have no right to force any of you into anything. If you don’t wish to come back, then I’ll respect that. I will always respect your decision. But I want to go with mine, because I believe that it’s the best thing to do right now. And that would mean leaving behind you, Yoochun, JYJ and CJeS. It would be difficult, but you know I’ll do it.”

Junsu hid his wince at the unintentional blow of Jaejoong’s words. Jaejoong going back to SM alone meant that he was going to leave Yoochun and him. That would be like starting all over again.

Facing everything they had faced from the start to the point of where they were now, all over again.

Going through that hell again was beyond what Junsu could stand. He had barely made it through the first. Would he even make it through the second?

A certain fear started gnawing at Junsu’s chest. Surely… Surely that wouldn’t happen? One breakup was enough to last him a lifetime, but two?

For a moment, he hesitated. Would this fear be what would pull him back to square one? He didn’t want to make any decision from the basis of fear. He had gone through so much. Nothing was going to bully him into a corner again. Junsu had grown, he had changed. He didn’t need to lean on anyone for support anymore.

Right?

And then something flashed through his eyes. It was a face; Changmin’s face to be exact, in his memory. It was back at the house, the home that had been testament to their trials and tribunals as five. Nearly five years ago, when Changmin had been childishly pulling at his arm, screaming for him to stay. Junsu remembered every detail of that day. How tense everyone was, how he was stuck between leaving and staying, and how Changmin, who was always so strong and brave, was crying right before his eyes. Junsu had never heard a broken heart before, but he could hear five that day, when the realization that their separation was happening, when all that they had prepared for would never have been enough to give them the strength to face it. It was a lose-lose situation at almost every angle.

If they left, things would never be the same.

If they had stayed, nothing would ever be the same.

And so they left.

What no one knew, and what Junsu kept a secret till now, was that he had looked back, one final time as Yoochun drove away; to see the front door burst open and Changmin stumble out. Junsu would never forget the way Changmin’s eyes scanned the surroundings, before the Maknae dropped to his knees and cry, a picture of desolation. Junsu had turned around to face the front after that, choosing to stare out the window. He had felt the catch at his throat, and that was enough for him.

 “Maybe,” Junsu said, making Jaejoong look up in surprise. His eyes still had the faraway look that he was still swimming in his memories. “Maybe you’re right. It would be better to try and fail than to not try at all.”

Softly, Jaejoong broke out in a smile.

“Thank you, Junsu,” he said, voice dripping with sincerity.

Junsu gave a half smile in return.

“Don’t thank me yet,” he answered softly, almost afraid his words would ring true.

 

************************

 

The nightmare was all encompassing, a strong chokehold on his throat that seemed to affect his movement as well. He tried to move, tried to at least open his eyes and yell for help, but nothing, not a muscle moved in accordance to his brain's command. Slowly, the darkness filled him, seeping into his lungs, his veins, and nearly every part of his being. The numbness was growing, spreading, and killing him. He couldn't even do anything to stop it.

Wake up

A voice echoed in his mind, a soft and gentle whisper in his panicked state.

Calm down and wake up

I can't, he tried to say, to voice out. He tried, thinking the voice as loud as he could. He could feel the voice building somewhere in his core. But then... Nothing. His tongue was heavy, not even a whisper escaping his throat. Frustration, as his paralyzed body tried to thrash in anger, in panic and fear. But nothing moved, not the slightest bit. He couldn't feel, he couldn't see, he couldn't hear. Who was to say that his body even existed, that it was real?

There was nothing to do. There was nothing he could do. There was nothing. Merely nothing.

 

 

Yunho woke up with a violent jolt, so violent that it hurt his neck when he did so. Nightmares were getting to be a norm lately. Well, almost. He still wasn't used to the fear and terror his nightmares brought him, the way he would wake up with his heart in his throat and a scream on his lips.

Lying there, he breathed deeply, willing himself to calm down. His hand was hurting, where he had punched the walls a few hours back, and he could feel a headache building up. Not such a nice way to start the morning.

He rolled on his side, resting his cheek gently against his hand as he did so. He was tired. The sleep hadn't really done him any good but to perhaps act as a distraction to the real world, the world where everything was now messed up. He closed his eyes for a few moments, trying to grasp the last strands of his sleep, before successfully catching a few, only to wake up with the sun streaming into his eyes.

Sleep successfully ruined, he groaned and rested an arm over his still closed eyes, before rolling over and stretched.

“What time is it?” he asked, not realizing how sore his throat was until he had spoken. That episode from yesterday must’ve taken a greater toll than he had realized. And with that memory came the sudden embarrassment he felt at s seeing his moment of extreme weakness, his brief moment of insanity. An apology should be appropriate. He opened his eyes, fully expecting to see s around him. Only to be surprised when he saw…

No one.

The ward was silent and completely empty, save for a still slumbering Changmin. It looked like the drug had knocked him out longer than Yunho had predicted. Briefly, Yunho’s eyes wandered to the wall clock. It was nearing ten o’clock. Where was everyone?

He sat up, confused.

“Jaejoong? Yoochun? Junsu?” His throat really hurt, he realized. His voice sounded so raspy. Or perhaps that was a sign that he was coming down with something. Getting sick at a time like this? How wonderful. He childishly rubbed his eyes from sleep and let out a few unexpected coughs. Maybe he was coming down with something after all.

Gingerly, he got up, heading to the window that overlooked the car park, rubbing at his throat. Their cars weren’t there. Where were they? A quiet panic started developing in Yunho’s head. Where had they gone? Had they left him again? Why had they left him with Changmin, then? They knew it wasn’t safe for the two of them to be alone together. What if something happened? What if he accidentally did something to Changmin? What if he hurt Changmin even worse than before?

A million thoughts swirled in his clogged up mind, giving him a much unappreciated headache, before a voice broke him from his reverie.

“Yunho-shi?”

Yunho half turned to see Jaera standing by the door, a hand resting softly on the door knob.

“You’re awake,” she said, greeting him with a smile.

“Yeah,” Yunho answered, coughing slightly as he turned around fully to answer her.

 "How are you feeling?" she asked, cocking her head slightly to the side.

Yunho rubbed his throat with a grimace in answer.

"Oh, are you coming down with something?" The worry in her voice was evident as she came towards him, resting a hand on his forehead. "Hmm," she wondered, "No fever, but it might be that Changmin's cold is passing on to you. I'll get you some pills, alright?"

At Yunho's nod, she smiled once more and left the ward.

Yunho faltered for a while, unsure whether to follow her or wait for her to return. His eyes followed her until she rounded a corner and disappeared from his view. He was frozen. Should he? Shouldn't he?

His eyes scanned the ward, before they landed on Changmin's sleeping form.

Quickly, he turned and followed Jaera out.

 

 

***********************

 

“Say ‘ah…’” Jaera instructed gently, as she shone a handheld flashlight into Yunho’s face.

Yunho did as he was told, coughing once as soon as she was done examining his throat.

As soon as she had realized Yunho silently tailing her from behind, Jaera had nearly jumped at the opportunity to speak with him in private, especially since the three other members had appointed themselves unofficial guardian to him and had followed him near everywhere. It would be difficult for her to make a proper diagnosis of his condition when all she heard was second-hand accounts.

It was time for some one-on-one.

“You have a slight cold, nothing to fuss too much over,” Jaera said to him, making sure the reassuring smile was still on her face.

Yunho nodded in answer, still distracted by his thoughts.

“Yunho-shi?” Jaera called for his attention. “Are you okay?”

Yunho blinked in surprise.

“Ah… It’s nothing, Noona-nim. I was just thinking.”

Jaera tilted her head slightly, before she sat herself beside Yunho by the bed.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

In reply, Yunho gave a slight laugh. “My thoughts aren’t exactly the safest right now.”

“Try me,” Jaera answered, a quirky smile on her lips.

Yunho gave a small smile in amusement, before he shrugged and sighed.

“I don’t know. I’m just…” Yunho paused for a while to think of the right answer. “Confused.”

“What are you confused about?”

“I’m not really sure of that either. I don’t know where I stand. Where I am. Where I'm going. And the people around me are just like static.”

“Static?”

“I can’t see them. I can’t feel them. It’s like they're just a bunch of loud noises.”

“What makes you say that?” Jaera tried prodding further.

“I don’t know. I’m confused. I don’t know.”

Silence between them, as Jaera tried to not fall into the web of confusion herself.

“Do you think I’m okay?” Yunho asked out of the blue.

“What do you mean?”

“You think I’m in the right state of mind?”

Hesitantly, she tried to tread around the question.

“I’m sure everyone has their bad days, Yunho-shi. It’s just how you deal with them. You’ve been under a lot of stress lately. I’m sure you’ll be okay with sufficient rest and medication.”

Yunho shook his head in response.

“You're not answering my question. Do you think I’m crazy?”

Jaera took a backtrack as she gulped in nervousness. What was she supposed to say?

“Define crazy,” she said in a near whisper.

“Based from all I’ve done this past week.”

There was silence between them for a few moments.

“Insanity is not based on one’s actions. What you have is not insanity, Yunho. You’ve just been under heavy stress for far too long. A person can only take a certain amount of stress before he breaks.”

“Am I broken?”

Jaera hesitated once more, before she answered.

“Yes. Probably.”

Yunho nodded his response, as if he had been fully expecting the answer.

“That would mean I’m not okay, either.”

A hand reached out to rest against Yunho’s bandaged ones, and he looked up to see Jaera smiling gently at him.

“Who you are isn’t defined by whether you’re ‘okay’ or ‘not’. You’re a wonderful person, Yunho, and I’m sure you can get better. I’m always here to help, along with your four other members. Something broken is not always considered destroyed.”

Yunho gave her a smile in return, before a noise outside the building caught their attention. It was the sound of loud brakes screeching to a halt, although the car was nowhere in sight.

“I wonder who that may be…” Jaera wondered aloud, as the two of them turned to look out the window facing the stairs leading to the clinic.

Pretty soon, a figure with hands deep into his pockets appeared, disappearing from their view as he made a turn towards the entrance of the clinic.

“Yoochun,” Yunho said distractedly.

“Well he seems to be in the best of moods,” Jaera murmured as she got up, “Come on. Let’s go meet him. See what’s up.”

At Yunho’s slight widening of his eyes, Jaera hesitated.

“Or… You could just stay here while I go talk to him.

 

 

*****************************

 

Yoochun paced the halls, going wherever his feet would lead him, and that of course, would instinctively be wherever he was most familiar with. He found himself in the ward the five of them had slept in, though this time there was only one person in the room.

Yoochun still had the sensibility to wonder where Yunho had gone off to, but it didn’t really bother him. Yunho was a grown man, he didn’t need to be constantly watched 24/7. He could go wherever he wanted.

What surprised him was that Changmin was alone, unsupervised. Didn’t anyone know that he was currently very sick? How could anyone leave him alone like that?

Yoochun entered the ward in quiet strides, heading towards the still slumbering Changmin. He grabbed the nearest chair and pulled it to the side of the bed, before he sat down, facing the younger. It didn’t look like Changmin would be awake anytime soon.

Yoochun softly reached out, and placed a hand on the younger’s forehead. He had cooled down quite significantly. He would be okay. Slowly, Yoochun ran a hand through Changmin’s hair. The hair smelled of dried sweat but it didn’t really matter. All that mattered was that he was safe.

Yoochun distractedly realized that playing with Changmin’s hair had a weird calming effect on him, and he could feel himself relaxing.

How weird, he thought to himself.

Changmin started to stir suddenly, beneath his touch, and he immediately retracted his arm. A knock at the door made him turn around to see Jaera standing at the door, a smile on her face, before she dropped it, noticing Changmin’s stirring.

Changmin coughed once, making Yoochun turn to look at him once more.

“Is he alright?” Jaera’s voice sounded from behind him.

Yoochun didn’t answer but stood up to silently smooth Changmin’s hair, willing him back to sleep. He heard the footsteps as Jaera quietly came to stand beside him, and Changmin slowly opened his eyes.

“Yoochun hyung,” Changmin said, eyes heavily lidded in half sleep as he studied him.

“Hey,” Yoochun answered in a hushed whisper. “I’m right here.”

“Where…?”

“They’re somewhere around. They’ll be back soon. Go back to sleep, Changmin. It’s going to be okay. Go back to sleep.”

Changmin seemed to be confused at his words, but he did settle down and drift off to sleep. Yoochun let out a sigh of relief as he settled down once more.

Jaera smiled at him in acknowledgement as she carefully monitored Changmin and wrote notes in a chart by the bed.

“He’s going to be okay,” she answered. “That’s just his body trying to fight off the knock-out drugs. He’ll wake up a few more times but most probably fall right back to sleep.”

Yoochun answered with a nod, thankful that the doctor had been nearby.

“You okay, Yoochun-shi?” Jaera asked as soon as she was finished. “You seemed to be in a pretty bad mood when you came in.”

“Ah, it was nothing. I just needed some air to think. Being around Changmin helped to calm me down, surprisingly.”

“That’s good. A calm mind is always necessary to make the right decisions.”

“Yeah.” It was obvious Yoochun was distracted with whatever was on his mind, so Jaera avoided pushing.  She silently put the chart by the edge of the bed, and thought of leaving quietly when Yoochun suddenly spoke up.

“Where’s Yunho?”

“Ah… He’s in my office. He wasn’t feeling too well, so I did a check up on him.”

“Oh? How is he?”

“He’ll be okay. He’s just suffering from a bit of a cold.”

“Could you take me to him? I want to speak to him.”

At Jaera’s hesitation, Yoochun broke into a reassuring smile.

“It’s okay. I’m not going to do anything. I just want to speak to him. No yelling, I promise.”

Jaera returned the smile, albeit a bit forcefully.

“Well… I suppose it would be alright.”

 

************************

 

A knock on the door made Yunho look up, seeing Jaera’s head peeping in through the door.

“Hey,” she greeted. “How you doing?”

“I’m okay, I guess…?”

“Someone wants to see you, if that’s alright.”

At Yunho’s nod, Jaera opened the door further to reveal Yoochun standing beside her. The sour expression on his face was thankfully gone as he smiled softly at his leader.

Or his ex-leader, really.

 

“Jaera told me you had a slight cold. How are you feeling?”

Yunho smiled softly in return. “It’s nothing. Other than a sore throat, I feel fine.”

“That’s good.” Yoochun nodded.

Jaera had left them to allow some privacy, and Yoochun was thankful for that, though he had a feeling, she didn’t really trust him to be alone with Yunho for long.

“How’s your hand?”

Yunho nearly flinched at the memories the question brought him. It was embarrassing how he had reacted yesterday. Despite, he brought his hand up to study it, slowly flexing his fingers.

“It’s fine; doesn’t hurt so much anymore, just some superficial bruising.”

Yoochun smiled in answer, before carefully treading towards his next question.

“And… here?” He gently tapped his temple with his forefinger. Yunho got what he meant.

“I’m… Not sure,” Yunho answered truthfully. “Sometimes I think I’m okay. Sometimes… I don’t.”

Yoochun nodded, unsure how to react. Yunho suddenly laughed, a short, painful sound, making Yoochun look up in surprise. Yunho sighed and leaned heavily against the chair he was sitting on, an unsettling smile on his face.

“This is getting nowhere. I am getting nowhere.”

“What do you mean?”

Yunho was silent, the faux smile dropping from his face. Instead what replaced it were pools of tears collecting in his eyes. Yoochun stared, gauging his own reaction with caution. More out of fear of what would happen, he made no move. He waited for what Yunho would do, or say.

“I’m sorry, Yoochun,” he began. “I’m sorry for causing so much trouble. Because of me, all this… stuff happened. If I had just been more… careful, more okay, things wouldn’t have turned out this way. This is all my fault, isn’t it?”

For a while, Yoochun was silent. He wanted Yunho to listen to his own words, to think of what he had just said. Surely, there was some flawed logic somewhere.

“Is it?”

The question made Yunho look up at him in surprise. Yoochun swiftly sat himself on the leather bed, his feet dangling from its high height, a calculative look in his eyes.

“What makes you think it is?”

He saw Yunho blink several times in confusion. He knew he was twisting his words.

“I caused this. Everything. I caused it. If I hadn’t… did what I had done to Changmin, he would be okay. None of this would’ve happened. If I had just taken care of myself… Maybe I could’ve… Could’ve stopped myself.”

Yoochun was silent; he gulped uncomfortably and hugged himself around his waist. The words Yunho had just said were haunting. There was no doubt the terrible amount of blame he was putting on himself. Yunho in turn had a blank look on his face, a faraway look in his eyes. He looked dazed.

“I had always felt… empty after the split. I thought that because I wasn’t good enough, because I hadn’t tried hard enough, that everything happened. So I tried my best. I always tried to push myself. But it didn’t work. It never worked. Everything just fell back on me in the end. In the end, I was back to square one. I was always stuck on square one.”

Yoochun stayed quiet. There was a lot of raw emotion and power in those few words being said, and Yoochun dared not interrupt.

“Everything was just so difficult. I thought maybe it was because I was lacking, or I just wasn’t used to it. But no matter how hard I tried, it never pulled through. Everything I thought I could do because I was leader to five, everything I assumed would be easier since the number had been halved… It just became difficult. I couldn’t do anything. I was a failure.”

“You’re not a failure, Yunho,” Yoochun argued, after a considerable amount of silence.

Yunho was silent. He was already in a world of his own, Yoochun doubted whether any words would actually reach him. He sat there as well, unmoving.

Verily, the words Yunho said weren’t really to be messed around with.

If this was what Yunho was becoming after all these years, then Jaejoong’s words rang true. Letting him decline on his own would be pure cruelty. He realized Jaejoong was right.

There was no running away from this now.

 

 

************************

 

Jaejoong pulled his car into the open-air car park of the clinic, Junsu following him closely from behind. He was slightly surprised to see Yoochun’s car already parked in the near empty spaces, but made no noise to act surprised. As soon as he swerved into an empty space, Junsu’s car swerved along right beside him, the two of them exiting the car at the same time.

“Yoochun’s back?” Junsu asked rhetorically, a hand resting on his open car door.

“It would seem so,” Jaejoong answered.

“Told you he just needed the space to think.”

The elder amongst the two forced a smile in return, before the two of them proceeded with the journey of climbing the stairs leading to the clinic. Up towards the entrance sat an Adonis-like figure near the steps, his chin resting against his hands in deep contemplation.

“Yoochun,” Junsu breathed in relief, unable to hide the smile bursting through his lips.

Yoochun looked up at the sound of his name, before he gave a small smile.

“Hey,” he greeted, as Jaejoong and Junsu walked towards him. “I need to talk to you, Jaejoong. In private, if that’s okay.”

Jaejoong and Junsu exchanged a look, before Junsu nodded and went on ahead.

“It’s fine. I’ll be inside with Yunho and Changmin,” Junsu explained as he walked away, an understanding smile on his lips.

“Thanks, Junsu,” Yoochun murmured in reply.

Jaejoong waited patiently as he stared at the disappearing Junsu, before he turned to look at Yoochun.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing. I just needed to speak to you in private.”

“Well, we’re in private right now. What do you need to speak to me about?” Jaejoong asked, crossing his arms. He didn’t mean it, but his tone hinted that he didn’t really want to be here with Yoochun. He didn’t mean to be angry.

Yoochun felt a vein throb in annoyance at Jaejoong’s tone. He understood that Jaejoong would be mad at him, but was hoping that they could put it behind them. After all, it wasn't as if they were going to get anywhere fighting.

“Do you mind?” Yoochun said with a sigh, “I’m trying to speak to you in the best way I can. Your attitude isn’t really helping now, is it?”

Jaejoong made a scoffing sound. “My attitude’s giving you a problem? Oh please, Yoochun. I’m not the one who stalked off, nor am I the one who explodes at a wrong choice of words. I don’t go around yelling bloody murder in a fit of anger. Think whether what you say properly reflects you.”

Yoochun looked up at him, coolly holding his gaze, before he dropped the bomb on him.

“Is that all you think of me; an emotional wreck that can’t even hold himself together? Well that’s funny. Last time I checked, the suicidal one amongst the three of us was you.”

It took a mere number of strides, before Jaejoong was upon him, grabbing Yoochun’s collar in a chokehold and forcing him to stand, putting them nearly nose to nose.

“Watch what you say, Yoochun,” Jaejoong seethed, “Or I’ll rip off that tongue of yours.”

He let go just as quickly, pushing Yoochun away and making him stumble to regain his balance.

“Is that all you have to say to me? Because if you’re just gonna stand there and insult me, you’re just wasting your time. I have better things to do.”

Jaejoong walked away, moving past Yoochun, only to be held back by a strong hand on his wrist.

“Wait.” The one word held heavy on Yoochun’s tongue. He wasn't used to throwing away his pride for the sake of others, but knew that in this situation, pride should be the last thing on his mind.

“I’m sorry.”

At those two words, Jaejoong turned his head to look at him, surprise in his eyes. It wasn't everyday that Yoochun would actually say that.

“Please,” Yoochun begged, eyes fixed on the ground. “Could you just sit down and listen to what I have to say for a while?”

Jaejoong’s already wide eyes seemed to get wider. Was Yoochun really saying all this? The younger finally looked up at him, and Jaejoong, more out of reflex than anything else, nodded.

Yoochun dropped his hold on him, turning his head to the front. Jaejoong caught something that sounded close to a ‘thanks’ being murmured out of his mouth.

 

“Alright, you got me. What's up?” Jaejoong asked. The two of them were sitting on the top of the steps once more, overlooking the majestic view of the mountains.

“I wanted to speak to you. About your decision.”

“My decision?”

“On coming back.”

“To SM.”

“Yeah. That.”

Jaejoong gave a sigh as he nodded his understanding. He knew what he was supposed to say.

“I understand your anger, Yoochun. It’s my fault, at least to some degree. I know your resentment of people controlling your life. I swear that wasn’t my original intention, so I’m sorry it came out that way.”

Yoochun shook his head. “That’s not the point. It’s not why I wanted to talk to you.”

Jaejoong turned his head to look at him, confused.

“Then why…?”

“I wanted to see you because…” Yoochun suddenly sighed loudly and thumped his head against his kneecaps. It didn’t seem like this was something easy for him to say.

Jaejoong patiently waited for him to continue, as Yoochun suddenly looked up, stretching out his long legs before him.

“You were right.”

Jaejoong continued staring, not really getting it.

“Excuse me…?” he said, asking for some clarification. Was Yoochun seriously saying what he thought he was saying?

“I said you were right. About everything. And about coming back being the best move to make.”

Jaejoong was silent, imploring him to continue.

“And with that being the best decision to make… I’ll come back too. I’ll come back with you. Back to SM. For Changmin and Yunho.”

 

 

 

==========================

This is about the longest update I've ever created. Gah.

Hello and sorry for not updating since 4000BC! I'm sorry, guys. Life has been hard. I've been kept really busy and inspiration is just one of the hardest things to find nowadays. I do hope you're satisfied with the long update. It's so long that I got bored BETA-ing it. So I kinda stopped halfway.

TROLOLOL

My major exams are coming. Wish me luck! :)