"What happened to him?" Junsu asked, as Changmin's head rested on his lap. 

The boy was still asleep, and his fever was still persisting. His sleep however, had turned peaceful.

"I don't know but I think he developed a fever from all that running around. He's worn out, so best to just put him in bed after this," Yunho explained, as he rounded a bend.

Jaejoong sighed beside him, riding shotgun. "I guess it can wait," he whispered to himself.

"What can wait?"

Jaejoong looked up, distracted. "Nothing."

Yunho shrugged, as they narrowly missed being hit by a bus. Yunho horned the offending driver long and hard, before swerving dangerously into the next lane. "Stupid bus," he seethed.

It wasn't that Yunho was that bad a driver. It was that his driving skills were highly dependant on his moods. As were most things in his life.

"Yunho watch out!" Yoochun yelled as Yunho swerved sharply to avoid a car driving from the opposite direction. The four in the car leaned to the left as Yunho hit the next lane. Jaejoong bumped his head on the window, while Junsu had to brace his arms against the car seat to avoid falling

"What kind of IDIOT drives on the wrong lane?!" Yunho practically spat out.

"You do!" yelled Yoochun in response.

Yunho stuck his head out the window. "Oh," was all he said as he switched back to the correct lane.

The ride home, other than the close brushes with death, which occured several times, was uneventful. The four of them sat in an increasingly uncomfortable silence. For some reason, no one dared to speak up, to start a conversation.

It had been three years since they had met. Three whole years. Time changed not only people, but relationships as well.

Yunho parked the car at their home so quickly that the engine stalled. He got out anyway, opening the door first for Jaejoong, then Junsu, who rode directly behind Jaejoong. He was about to scoop a sleeping Changmin in his arms when they were rudely swatted away.

"I'll do it," Yoochun said coldly, without even looking at the leader. He was still mad.

They made their way to the house. Once inside, Jaejoong went into the kitchen to keep the untouched spaghetti in the fridge, and instead started working on the fish and chips and pizza he promised to give Changmin for lunch. He needed to keep his mind of things and the other members were smart enough to leave him alone. No one entered the kitchen to ask for any food, even though they had skipped breakfast and dinner the night before. They simply had no appetite.

Yoochun entered Changmin's room to place him on the bed, and when he didn't come back out, no one thought anything of it.

So it was only Yoochun and Junsu in the living room. They sat opposite of each other, each on an armchair with the table between them, not knowing what to say.

"So, Yunho hyung..." he started.

Just like Changmin, Yunho thought to himself, a natural chatterbox.

"Junsu," he said, cutting him short.

Junsu looked up at him.

"Do you... hate me too?" The question sounded so childish coming from the leader's mouth, but he had no other proper way of asking. "I won't blame you if you do."

Junsu looked at Yunho, his head tilted slightly to the side. The words sounded immatue, but Yunho had a very serious face on. The leader wasn't staring at anything in particular, but his eyes shot out lasers anyway. He was hunched over, elbows resting on his knees, chin resting on his entwined fingers. He was rocking very very slightly. Junsu knew this look. This was the look Yunho gave when he was scared of knowing somthing. The three of them had left three years ago, and Yunho had that look on, though he had rocked more violently then.

Junsu shook his head. Hate. It was a very strong word, not to be used lightly. "You know I could never hate you, hyung." Junsu began, "People make mistakes. It happens. One mistake, no matter how big it is, won't define you."

Yunho looked up at his dongsaeng. Junsu was swinging his legs sideways, looking down. "Though I am mad at you for hurting Changmin, I could never hate you. You don't need to ask for my forgiveness, I'm going to give it to you one day anyway. But what I do want you to do is try to win back our trust in you. I know what you did to Changmin wasn't intentional. You would never hurt him, that i know for sure. But at the same time... What you did... It was wrong, and honestly it really scared me."

Junsu stopped for a while to take a deep breath, then he looked Yunho exactly in the eye. "You're U know Yunho. You're our leader. You've always been there for us, always been a supporting shoulder. Maybe this is too much for you. Let us be here for you too, hyung. We're here now. You don't need to wallow in guilt and anger. Rather, prove to yourself that you are worthy for us to look up to. We will always need a leader, hyung. A group without a leader is pointless."

Junsu stood up and came to pat Yunho on the shoulder. "Don't worry so much about it, hyung. Things will eventually fall back into place."

With that, he turned to leave.

"Thank you, Junsu," said Yunho voice barely above a whisper, but still clear as day for Junsu.

Junsu smiled softly to himself, before going into Changmin's room, wondering what took Yoochun so long. He entered the room, to see Yoochun sitting on Changmin's bed, staring at the sleeping boy.

"Yoochun?"

Yoochun suddenly looked up at him. "Oh. Junsu. Hey."

Junsu came to sit down in front of Changmin. The boy was having a fitful sleep, jerking every now and then, face scrunched up.

"Is he okay? He's having a nightmare?"

Yoochun shook his head. "It's probably the fever. He'll settle down soon."

The both of them stared at the sleeping boy, and waited. Soon enough, it stopped and Changmin was back in his peaceful sleep.

"Yoochun?" Junsu looked up at him.

Yoochun was playing with Changmin's hair. "Hmm?"

"Are you really not ever going to forgive Yunho hyung?"

Junsu saw him freeze and Yoochun's fists clenched. The silence that followed suit was awkward, and Junsu began to wish that he hadn't asked in the first place.

"Um... You don't have to answer if you don't wanna..."

Yoochun continued staring at Changmin's face, avoiding Junsu's gaze.

"Yoochun...? I'm sorry. I won't ask again." Junsu placed a hand on Yoochun's knee, gazing up at him and unintentionally making puppy dog eyes.

"I'm more mad at myself, I guess. I'm pissed that I wasn't there when he needed me. And when Changmin yelled at me just now, it made me realise the pain we've been inflicting on him was far greater than the pain Yunho gave him. He had a point Junsu. Even if he beat Changmin senseless, he was there. He stayed, even when we left him."

Junsu stayed quiet, not really getting it since he hadn't heard any of the conversation. He did however, get the gist of things.

"Do you regret it?"

"Regret what?"

"Do you regret leaving?"

Yoochun looked Junsu directly in the eye. Junsu saw the pain in them, and he almost flinched.

"I regret leaving him behind, Junsu. I regret it so much."

 

***********

Yunho sat alone. He was on the couch, unmoving. Not concentrating on anything, yet not really zoning out either. The house was quiet. Only the soft sounds from the kitchen signified another's presence; Jaejoong's.

The voices in his head took the oppurtunity and started again. Quietly, Yunho's tears rolled down his cheeks as he lay down and placed his hands over his ears, enduring the suffering in silence.

 

*******************

Jaejoong came out of the kitchen two hours later. The silence of the house surrounded him, and he appreciated it, so he decided to keep it that way. He walked around the unfamiliar house that Yunho and Changmin shared, just the two of them. He didn't like the feel of the house. It was too small and had the feeling of a 'house' rather than a 'home'. And he didn't like the fact that Yunho and Changmin's rooms were so far apart. Why couldn't they be put side by side or something?

Jaejoong entered Changmin's room and found all three of them asleep, with Yoochun lying beside Changmin and Junsu in a siting position on the floor, his head resting on Yoochun's chest.

Jaejoong smiled. It had been sometime since he had seen something so cute, so he let it be, and stepped out of the room, not wanting to wake them up. He walked towards the living room and saw Yunho asleep on the couch in an uncomfortabloe postion, as if he was having a nightmare, with his legs pulled to his chest and his hands on either side of his head.

Jaejoong came closer without really meaning to. He sat on the floor directly in front of Yunho's face and stared at it, feeling more like a creeper than a concerened person. He noticed the tear stains on the man's face. Unwitingly, he reached out to wipe them away,  when Yunho suddenly jolted awake. It seemed like he had been electrocuted or something since he woke up so violently. He stared at the face infront of him, seeing Jaejoong's surprised expression.

"Did you have a nightmare?" Jaejoong asked when he had recovered from the shock. He ran a hand through the leader's hair, trying to comfort him. It was wet with sweat.

Yunho nodded, as he closed his eyes and tried to relax his speeding heartbeat.

"What's wrong, Yunho? Why were you crying?" Jaejoong asked gently as he used his other hand to wipe the tearstains on his face.

Yunho opened his eyes and looked at Jaejoong again, before looking away. "Nothing," he answered, "It was nothing."

Jaejoong shook his head, knowing the lie in the words. "It's never nothing when you start crying, Yunho. Tell me, what's wrong?"

Yunho stayed quiet for a while, considering. "The voices in my head," he started, "Told me to kill him, Jae. They told me to kill Changmin. And they're always there, in my head. Telling me what to do."

Jaejoong looked at him with saucer-wide eyes. He didn't know what to say. "What do... the voices say? Did they tell you to hurt Changmin?"

Yunho shook his head. "I did those things. But the voices. They're always there, always telling me to do things I wouldn't dare to do. Putting me down. They said I would be better off without someone like him and then they told me to kill him, Jae. They told me to kill Changmin."

Tears rolled down Yunho's cheek as he made his painful confession. "I can't fight them, Jae. I can't."

Tears dropped from Jaejoong's eyes as he heard the aguish in Yunho's voice. He knew Yunho wasn't lying, he knew Yunho too well for him to make a joke like this.

"Are the voices here now? Telling you to do anything?"

Yunho shook his head. "Right now, they're quiet. I fell asleep and had a nightmare. Whe I woke up they were gone.

"What was your nightmare about?"

Yunho stayed quiet for a while. "You were leaving me again," he confessed softly.

Jaejoong softly chuckled and patted the leader's head affectionately. "I'm right here."

Yeah, said the voices, but for how long?

**********************