You would say that you felt nervous but that would be an understatement. This feeling in your stomach was more dread than anything.
Glancing at your husband, you noticed the difference between the two of you. His fingers tapped the steering wheel as his head slightly bobbed to he music and a small smile graced his face. He didn't have to say it but there was no denying it. He was excited.
You turned away and stared out the passenger window as you took a slow, deep breath. The couple of months planning this should have helped ease your anxiety but it didn't. Not even all the home-study meetings with social workers and the classes you had to take. As each hurdle was completed towards this moment, the more apprehensive you became.
The car turned in to a small driveway before stopping in one of the parking spots. You took one look at the building and felt your chest constricting.
"We're here." Yongguk stated with a bright smile. His smile faltered though as he looked at you. "You okay?" he questioned as he grabbed your hand.
"Yeah." you assured him in a shaky voice. "I'm just..." You took a deep breath and let it out.
"I know." he replied. He brought your hand up and gently kissed the back of it. "We can always postpone this.
You swallowed before you shook your head. "No. I'm okay."
"Alright." he said and squeezed your hand tightly.
Both of you got out of the car and he held your hand once more as you walked towards the building. You went inside and made your way to the office.
"And here you are!" the lady exclaimed as she saw you two. "Today is the day isn't it? Excited or nervous?"
You opened your mouth but no sound came out. Then you felt Yongguk squeeze your hand and you quickly glanced at him.
"Both I suppose." he shyly said as he offered you a small smile before turning back to the lady.
"That's usually how it goes." the lady agreed with a nod of her head. Then she stood up from her desk and indicated the doorway. "They're in the playroom."
You followed her through the door and down the hallway. With each step, you could hear the noise getting louder and louder as you approached. Then you stepped through another door and inhaled sharply.
There were children playing on the tiny slide that was attached to a small house. More sitting at a table while a worker helped them finger-paint. Even on the rug in the far corner another worker read a story to a group of children huddled around them. Then there were more children on another rug, playing with all sorts of toys.
You glanced everywhere around the large room, taking in all of the chaos. It was until two children ran past you, chasing each other, that you finally let out a shaky breath. A tiny smile tugged at your lips as you watched them in their little game. When they settled on the rug with some new found toys, you finally tore your gaze away from them.
Glancing at Yongguk, the smile faded from your face and your heart skipped a beat. He was intently watching the children too with an amused twinkle in his eyes and a bright smile on his face. Happy.
You quickly looked away from him as you felt your heart sink. Seeing the children playing, you knew he wanted this. How badly he wanted this. And you couldn't give it to him.
You swallowed as you placed a hand on your stomach. Then you couldn't take anymore and you turned around to hurry out the doorway. You quickly walked a few feet down the hallway before stopping. You gasped for air as your eyes watered and a few tears rolled down your cheeks.
"Honey."
You stiffened at the sound of his quiet, deep voice and then felt his hands on your shoulders.
"I'm sorry." he whispered as he kissed the back of your head. "We can wait. Let's just get you home."
He went to pull you away but you resisted and turned to face him. You watched as his eyes widened a little from the tears on your face. You merely reached up and wiped them away. "I just..." You swallowed and took a deep breath. You glanced at the door to the playroom before looking at him again. Then you shrugged your shoulders. "How do you even choose one?"
His mouth opened slightly before a small smile formed on his face. "I have no idea." he said with a little shake of his head. Then he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around you.
Closing your eyes, you let him hug you tightly as you got the tears to stop. When you felt better, you pulled back just enough to look at him. You offered him a small smile, causing him to smile back at you.
"Are you ready?"
Both of you turned towards the social worker. She was standing in the hallway a few feet from you and smiling.
You glanced at Yongguk and saw him looking at you. You nodded your head and his smile grew in to a huge grin. Then he turned his attention back to the lady, "Yes. We're ready."

"These children were selected as good matches based on your lifestyle." the lady stated as set a stack of folders on the table. Then she took a seat and smiled at the two of you. "I suppose the first question would be if you were leaning towards a boy or a girl."
You glanced at Yongguk who was sitting next to you and he shook his head. "We haven't given it that much thought." you confessed.
The woman nodded in understanding. "Well, let's just see what we have." She grabbed the first folder and opened it. "Now here is an older girl who is very much in to sports." She read before smiling at you. "We thought with you working at home, you would be able to be flexible with her schedule so she can participate in several sport activities."
You nodded in agreement before taking the file from her and skimming through the information in it.
"And then we have this little boy." the lady continued as she grabbed another folder. "He seems to have quite the liking for music. Nothing makes him happier then having music play all day."
You quickly looked at Yongguk and noticed how he perked up at that. A tiny giggle escaped you and he glanced at you while blushing slightly. Then he took the folder from the woman and you watched as he eagerly skimmed through it.
One by one, she went through the stack and soon all the folders were spread around the table. As you surveyed them, it was easy to feel a little overwhelmed. Making sure you took in the right child that matched best for your life.
Then the lady reached over to a folder that was set aside from the others. "And well... Hmm." she said as she eyed the folder.
You raised your eyebrow and noticed Yongguk looking at her curiously as well. "What?" he inquired.
The lady looked at both of you before sighing. "Normally, this isn't done yet I can't help but notice how stable and loving your relationship is." she said as she smiled at you. "So I thought maybe you could give an extra look at this young boy."
When she handed the folder over, Yongguk reached out and took it from her. He opened it and you leaned in to take a look. "Jaewoo." you read out loud.
"Yes. He's 5 years old and has been in several foster homes most of his life. He had three prospective parents willing to adopt him but each one didn't last." she informed you.
"Why is that?" your husband questioned.
The lady sighed once more and shook her head. "The first couple died in an accident. Then the second couple ended up going through a very nasty divorce. The judge decided that it was best to take Jaewoo away from them and put him in this orphanage. The third couple is a bit of a mystery." She shrugged her shoulders. "The day before they could appeal to legally adopt him, the mother dropped him off here and said they didn't want him."
Your mouth dropped open in surprise. "That's horrible!"
"Yes." the social worker agreed. Then a little alarm went off and she glanced at the clock. "It's lunch time. I need to go help them get the children settled." She stood up and smiled warmly at both of you. "Take as much time as you need to decide. I'll be back in a few minutes." Then she left the room.
Eyeing the folders covering the table, you picked one up and opened it. "This one loves to sing." you commented as you looked over the girl's information before glancing at Yongguk.
He lifted his head and gave you a puzzled look. "Huh?"
"She sings." you repeated and indicated the folder in your hand.
"Oh." he uttered and leaned over to look at the folder.
Considering how excited he had been about the previous child who liked music, this was not the reaction you expected. You also noticed the folder that was still in his hands. Sighing, you tossed the folder back on to the table. "You've already decided."
"What?" he blurted and blinked in surprise. Then he quickly shook his head. "No, no. It's okay. We can.."
You placed your hand on his arm, interrupting him. "You've decided." you firmly stated.
His mouth opened and closed a few times before he his lips. "It's just..." He set the folder down and grabbed your hand in both of his. "You heard what she said. He keeps getting shuffled around. He needs to be with a stable, loving family and I know we can give him that." He squeezed your hand tightly. "You're the love of my life and I can't ever imagine being without you. And I know you feel the same way about me. We can give him that."
You pressed your lips together and swallowed. The earnest look in his eyes told you how seriously he believed everything he said. You knew it was true as well. You would do anything for your husband. So you let out a sigh and held your free hand up.
Instantly he smiled and grabbed Jaewoo's folder before handing it to you. You opened it and scanned through the information about the boy. "Always has a stuff dinosaur that he carries with him." you read out loud. "Hmm... Dinosaurs." You nodded your head in approval. "Well he's good so far."
Yongguk chuckled and kissed your cheek. Then he wrapped an arm around your shoulder and leaned in so you could read through the folder together.