Life went on as normal after that night and you tried not to think anything more of that little calendar. That is until one day you found yourself in the bathroom and glanced at it.
You hesitated for a moment before slowly reaching for that object that reminded you of all your stress and worries. You saw all the days that were marked with 'x's including the days that had been colored in green. Those were especially marked without a single day being missed.
Your eyes scanned the calendar and the day that was circled. It was past that day and you did some mental calculations to make sure you weren't wrong. You weren't though and you felt a sinking feeling in your stomach.
You quickly put the calendar back and shut the cabinet door. Then you walked out of the bathroom and made your way to the workroom.
You sat at your desk and shook your head as you started to work. Try as you might though, you just couldn't focus. A lingering thought in the back of your head kept distracting you.
With a heavy sigh, you put your elbows on your desk and you head in your hands. Why did you have to look at that stupid calendar? Now you won't be able to concentrate until you knew for sure.
You stood up and let your feet lead you back to the bathroom. You felt a bit numb as you opened the medicine cabinet again and reached up to the top shelf. You grabbed the new box and opened it up.
When you were finished, you set the test on the box and washed your hands. Then you left the bathroom and sat on the bed as you waited.
Each second that ticked by seemed to take forever as you nervously shifted. Your fingertips danced along the blanket and you bounced your leg a little. Not that this was the worst part. What always seemed to inevitable happen later was the part that killed you.
You checked the clock and saw that the time was up. You didn't quite move yet though as you stared at the clock and took a shaky breath. You weren't sure which outcome you were hoping for, as horrible as you knew that sounded. With how much both have you hoped for a miracle.
Swallowing, you stood up and finally made your way to the bathroom. You held your breath as you approached the counter and the test that was sitting there for you. Then you looked down at it. Positive.
You slowly let your breath out as you stared at the test. Instead of feeling happy, you only felt dread.
"I'm home!"
You jumped at Yongguk's voice, breaking you out of your dark thoughts. Then you threw the test in to the wastebasket before leaving the bathroom.
You went to the living room and saw your husband carrying some bags. "What are you doing?" you asked.
"You just seemed to be down lately so I though I'd make your favorite for dinner." he informed you with a pleased smile.
You blinked at him in surprise before a small smile formed on your face. Always thinking of you. Then your smile faded away though when you remembered what you had to do.
"What is it?" he questioned, noticing your change. He set the bags on the floor and reached for you, rubbing his hands on your arms. "Everything okay?"
You pressed your lips together and debated with yourself for a moment. What if you didn't tell him? Would he notice? But you knew you couldn't keep this from him, no matter how much you wanted to spare him later on.
"I... I'm... pregnant." you quietly confessed to him.
His eyes widened as he stared at you. Then he was smiling brightly as he quickly embraced you. He hugged you tightly and you brought your arms up to lightly hug him before he pulled back. Meeting his gaze, you saw a little bit of confusion in his eyes.
He slowly let his arms fall away as his shoulders slumped. "Why aren't you happy?"
Instantly you felt guilty but you couldn't help what you were feeling. You looked down at the floor and let out a tiny scoff. "You can't seriously be asking me that."
"Honey." he uttered and pulled you in to his embrace again. "Everything will be fine."
"This is number four." you reminded him while feeling a sharp pain in your chest. "You know the odds. There's a 60% chance that I... that it'll...."
"But that means there's also a 40% chance that it won't happen again." he countered. He pulled back and put his fingers under your chin, gently making you look at him. "And if there's a chance, no matter how small, that's worth holding on to."
Despite yourself, you found a tiny smile forming on your face. Then you were frowning.
"Come on. You can do better than that." Yongguk teased as he pinched your cheek.
You batted his hand away and loudly groaned before giggling.
"That's better" he stated and kissed your cheek. Then he picked up the grocery bags. "Now you sit down and relax while I make us a special dinner."
You followed him into the kitchen and sat at the dining table. As he busied with the dinner preparation, you couldn't help but notice the change in him. It was obvious how excited and happy he was. He talked animatedly about his day and smiled the entire time.
It was almost infectious as you found yourself feeling more at peace. You placed a hand on your stomach. "Please, please, please." you silently begged.

A couple of weeks later, you were sitting at your desk and just finished with your work. You stretched, feeling how tight your muscles were in your back. Sighing, you blamed it on a bad night's sleep and sitting in your chair for too long.
At that moment, your phone signaled a text message and you glanced at it. "Meet at the park for dinner?"
You smiled and checked the time. He still had a couple of hours of work so you had time to shower and relax. You sent him a reply that you would meet him and then shut your computer off.
You left the workroom and went to the bedroom. Grabbing a change of clothes, you entered the bathroom and set them on the counter. Then you stripped and stepped in to the bathtub.
The hot water felt good as it hit your skin and you sighed as you closed your eyes. You reached up with both hands and gave your shoulders a light massage. Then you moved your hands to your lower back and groaned at the pain you felt there. Maybe you should take a hot bath instead.
You opened your eyes and looked down for the drain plug. You froze though as you saw red. Staring in disbelief, you watched as the red water flowed along the floor of the tub before going down the drain. Then you felt a sharp pain in your lower stomach and you quickly wrapped your arms around your waist.
You closed your eyes as you felt your body begin to shake. You pressed your lips tightly together but then covered your mouth with one hand to help muffle the noise that tore from your throat. Tears spilled from your eyes to mix with the water as your pain-filled sobs came louder and louder.

You laid in bed and felt your body tearing itself apart. You had taken some pain killers but it only helped numb some of the pain. It couldn't get rid all of it, including the pain in your heart.
You shifted your head and looked at the clock. Yongguk would be off work by now and only then did you remember the plans the two of you had made.
Sighing, you threw the blanket off and carefully sat up. You slid off the bed and shuffled to the workroom where you had left your phone. You dialed Yongguk's number but it went straight to voicemail.
"You have to be kidding me." you groaned. The last thing you wanted right now was to leave the house. Yet you couldn't let him sit outside waiting on you.
Grabbing your purse, you slipped on your shoes and left the apartment. You set off down the sidewalk towards the park. It was a ten minute walk and the closer you got to the park, the more dread you felt.
When you reached the park, you glanced around the crowds of people as you searched for them. It was even busier by the roads with all the shops and restaurants that circled the park. So you went a little ways deeper in to the park, knowing he would be some place where you could easily see him. Yet you still couldn't find him.
You stopped walking and looked down at the sidewalk. You closed your eyes as you felt them watering. Then you blinked them rapidly, forcing the tears not to fall. You set off again to the spot you knew he would be at and as you got closer, the screams became louder and louder.
Several children ran around the playground, laughing and squealing as they played. You let your gaze linger on them for a little bit before looking away.
As you surveyed the area, you found your husband just like you knew you would. He was sitting on a bench and watching the children playing. A big grin on his face.
Your eyes watered again but this time, a couple of stray tears fell before you could stop them. You knew that as soon as you told him, he wouldn't be happy anymore. He wouldn't be smiling like he is now. You would ruin that.
Suddenly he turned his head and he was looking at you. You inhaled sharply as you watched the smile fade from his face before he stood up. Then you turned around and started walking at a fast pace.
You made it halfway out of the park before he caught up to you. You felt him grab your arm and stopped you. You avoided his gaze but he cupped your face and forced you to look at him.
"What is it? What's wrong?" he worriedly questioned.
You opened your mouth but nothing came out. Instead, you wrapped your arms around him and buried your face in his chest. He quickly wrapped his arms around you, holding you as you cried.
"Honey." he quietly murmured. "Please. Tell me."
Sniffling, you pulled away and looked at him. You swallowed thickly before taking a deep, shaky breath. "I... can't."
He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "You... can't?"
You your lips. "No. I... I can't. I..." You glanced away and back towards the playground before looking at him again. Then you shook your head. "I can't." you croaked as your eyes watered more.
It took a few moments but then you watched as his face fell. His shoulders slowly drooped and he looked away as his eyes filled with sadness.
You knew his heart was broken and felt yours break again.This was what you wanted to spare him from. This pain that you knew you were going to cause him, knowing that this would happen. This always happened.
He looked back up at you and gently brushed the tears on your cheek. "I'm so sorry."
This only brought more tears though. "Just take me home." you told him. "I want to go home."
"Alright." he hurriedly assured you. Then he wrapped an arm around your shoulders as he lead you out of the park.