A / N; IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ Hi there! Oh my..... how long has it been? I don't even know! I'm so super sorry! I know it's a bunch of excuses but it's just, at the moment a lot of is happening, serious . And I dont know, I have my head full of it and never really got down to writing or focus on it. It's really hard for me and I hope you understand. As for the next chapter, I have half of it finished already in hand writing but I don't want to promise anything. I'll try to do my best though and I'll hope you'll be patient with me! I will not discontinue this or anything so don't worry! Now enjoying reading and I hope you can give me some feedback~ Come onnnnn don't be silent readers!

word count; 2585     date; 15/04/26

eleven

I Think I'm Sick

Tablo ft. Jinsil - Bad
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWHNBgxKJfM

I never knew how much my neck was involved in getting to rest painlessly, but turns out it does and I only fell asleep because my body collapsed into deep slumber, completely and utterly out of exhaustion.

Or at least it felt like collapsing.
First I lost my vision, cut off by my too heavy eyelids. And I could swear I felt pain even in them.
Next my mind was seeping slowly through what felt like a drain to sort out my consciousness. And then nothing.

I have no recollection of how I got here. Or where here is. I am just there in the ‘Here’. And it is weird. It does not feel natural.

I feel like gazing through a white veil. A veil that swivels, almost floats in the air. It forms shapes which dissolve so quickly, I can not figure out any of them.

Smoke, I think. But I quickly realize it was my mind, my vision that played a trick on me. They are slowly arranging themselves to function in unity again.

I am standing in a circle of light coming from above. Everything beyond that cone of light is pitch black as far as I can see. Or can’t see for that matter.

Somewhere in my gut I feel a trembling urge to run, or at least put one foot in front of the other. But the floor beneath me just won’t let go of my feet.

Then a guy. He steps into my circle of light.  

He is dressed in all black. His white skin and dyed blond hair are a big contrast to the rest of him, to the rest of what surrounded us.

It feels damp. I don’t touch anything, but it’s in the air?. Maybe it had rained before, I don’t remember. I don’t remember anything. Do I even know anything?

How I got here, why we are facing each other, where we are, or any other memory. I suddenly feel emptied like a vase being ridded of it's only purpose of holding flowers.

“Who?” I say. No, I don’t. It is nothing I have lying on the tip of my tongue, nothing in my head.  It is more like an echo. Something said, but not solid at all. Something like an intention, a feeling in my stomach

I feel too mesmerized, somehow, by his bold presence. His stare rests on me too comfortable.

And that, out of all things, is the only thing that feels familiar to me. His blunt way of letting his eyes travel over my features. I saw it before. We look at each other for at least what feels like a minute or two before I notice his signature features. More familiarity keeps coming to me, as he keeps closing in on me.

Eyes heavily burdened with dark brown eyeshadow, almost like tiredness pressing down his lids from above instead of the usual eye rings that just hang there. A big nose, so out of the normal, but not at all weird-looking in his face. Plump lips, is he pouting or are they usually like this? They look on the verge of spilling, spilling words, but before they do, everything’s gone.

I was back in my room. A dream. Though I was not too sure, I still felt like someone had drugged me, maybe Bobby? I quickly went over all the things that had happened from the club back to the street corner and...

That’s the level of exhaustion I had reached.

I felt so sluggish, I actually considered the possibility of someone I considered a friend having drugged me.
I shook off the thought and another one came popping in my mind, immediately filling the empty spot. More than that, reaching out to push all my other thoughts out of their respective residences, taking in all the space in my head.

The man in my dream was that guy that had leaned over me after consciousness came back to me this night in the fight club.

Now I really started to wonder. WHO was he?

I didn’t remember Bobby saying his name, but he had spoken to him. In a polite way. He must be older than my now real-life friend, Kim Jiwon.

Only then did I realise it was dark, but not utterly. I didn’t shut the blinds in my room completely and now a dim, gray light illuminated the particles of dust floating about in the stale air of my room.

I sat up in bed warily, putting my feet to the ground ever so hesitantly.

The stone floor sent a wave of coldness through my body and it made me shiver immediately.

The sensation made my body hurt more than only sitting still did already.

Even before looking in the mirror, I knew I had to come up with something.

It had only been a red line around my neck when I checked up on myself before I went to bed, but overnight the strangulation marks had turned a horrifying dark purple. I tried poking at it. Bad mistake. The pain made my knees weak for second.

I got a woolen scarf out of the depths of my closet, the only one I had as far as I knew, and wrapped it around my neck tightly. I knew I looked ridiculous. It was spring for one, and for the other, I never wore scarves. Not even in winter. So I guess this was also a small detail in the unveiling of things.

It made me remember that one time I did the same thing, only that I had to cover up a hickey some drunk gave me at a club.

Even if I was about to go down into the lions cave, I unlocked the door carefully, somehow hoping for nobody to hear me.

Drilling pain disallowed me to tiptoe down the wooden stairs, making it a much louder trudging which sure enough made everyone’s heads turn. Everyone’s. I faked a cough.

I saw their worried faces and I took in Seungyoon’s the most and it made me almost feel sorry. But I weighed my guilt to what I had to go through because of their worry.

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