Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend. I have always thought that it's a crime so I will ask you once again try to see it my way.

The Year 2013

For the past two weeks, Junhyung had visited him every day. Since it was also the latter’s finals weeks, Junhyung can only squished in his hectic schedule to see Hyunseung at late afternoon until night time. As for Hyunseung who is taking online classes at home, it is not inconvenient for his part. What peeved him more is Junhyung’s persistence and rad behaviour to gain his trust. It is as if Junhyung is flashing him a sign with neon lights that we can work this out. No matter how many times he already clarified that he already forgave Junhyung as much as he doesn’t want to; Hyunseung would only be a hypocrite because he can’t even contain the idea of hating the other. This dilemma of being torn in between frustration and a little quirkiness is making him go insane sooner. At the first place, he is not supposed to feel agitated and nervous and anxious whenever Junhyung’s presence is there. He is supposed to be composed and relaxed because Junhyung’s actions doesn’t matter anymore—must not matter however the little part of him which is still very obvious to be so into Junhyung will always be smitten even by the little things that Junhyung did.

Like when every time Junhyung will appear at their doorstep, his genuine smile will immediately radiate the jittery feeling inside his chest and stomach and for a moment, his world will stay still with only the two of them. Whenever Junhyung bring him his favourite treats even though Hyunseung had no idea how the hell the other knew about them; it was the sincere effort which counts most. The thought that Junhyung will invest some of his precious time to fall in line behind Starbuck’s counter; Hyunseung wouldn’t deny that he feels a little special. No one did something like this for him. Sure his mom and Dujun care for him but Hyunseung already expects for those. Coming from the very reluctant Yong Junhyung is what making Hyunseung think about the possibility of change in heart. Maybe Junhyung did really care for him.

It will be hard to believe but Junhyung made it quite clear for the past two weeks that his intentions were genuine and nothing but pure regret on how he should have done this a long time ago.

And Hyunseung wants to know why. Why is Junhyung investing so much in him as if he is to keep him for a long run? Why did he have a sudden change of heart? Did he somehow know that he is dying thus Junhyung is so kind to him? That Junhyung is only sparing him his happiness because Hyunseung will be gone soon too?

That immediately sent a pang on his chest.

He doesn’t need Junhyung’s pity if that is what the other thinks.

So when dusk came, Hyunseung greeted the much taller one with a sour mood. For the past two weeks he tolerated being on a closed space with the person he wanted to avoid so much and he guessed he is reaching his limit now. He can’t always pretend that he is comfortable—that it isn’t awkward—that as if nothing had happened in the past—that he wasn’t hurt—and is still hurting—and is so much confused wherein he is not supposed to be; everything is just a mess now!

He immediately snapped even before Junhyung can greet him.

“I do not need your pity.” Hyunseung said sternly while looking directly at Junhyung’s eyes.

Junhyung on the other hand seemed baffled with the way how Hyunseung is reacting now.

“Please leave. I’m not in the mood now.”

Hyunseung retreated his gaze while he was about to close the door but Junhyung butted right on time before he is about to be greeted with the door on his face again.

“Hyunseung, wait.” Junhyung caught his wrist and Hyunseung immediately felt the jolt from within. He tried his best to ignore and not think about it.

“Tell me what is wrong. What is bothering you?” Junhyung’s face is filled with concern as he asked those things. He may be prying a little with Hyunseung’s personal life but he is already done with the other always running away from him. If something is bothering Hyunseung, Junhyung is always there to hear him out. All he needed was a little trust and a little bit of hope that Hyunseung will open up to him like from before.

Junhyung’s persistence is really not helping his frustration at all. Hyunseung wanted to be alone to clear his mind but the other man is not even flinching from his hold on his wrist.

“Why do you care?” Hyunseung asked in irritation. “It’s not like if I die tomorrow, you’re going to cry your heart out.”

“What made you think that I won’t?”

“Because that is how it is supposed to be!” Hyunseung is now raising his voice.

“You are not supposed to care. You are not supposed to be paying me a visit every single day. You are not supposed to be back in my life. You are not supposed to make me feel confused and frustrated and unsure. You are not supposed to make me feel that I need you—that I still ing love you no matter how many times you’ve hurt me!” Hyunseung is not aware that his tears are now already flowing heavily against his cheeks and that he is holding tightly Junhyung’s front shirt for support.

“I’m not supposed to be rambling everything out to you.” He continued while still sobbing.

“I’m supposed to be alone.”

Junhyung was honestly so taken aback with Hyunseung suddenly lashing out on him. He doesn’t know what to do but the moment he saw Hyunseung is already crying and hopeless, his hands that were staying still at his sides went to the other boy’s crying back and neck. He wrapped Hyunseung in his arms as if this little comfort his trying to send will help him remember that he has someone at his side. It is a surprised to hear that Hyunseung is thinking this low about his own self. Junhyung had no idea that the latter is feeling so much pain and misery. But the one thing that stood out most was that Hyunseung admitted that he still loves him after all these years. He felt bad of course but only at first. When Hyunseung confirmed that he still has his chance, Junhyung can only think about how ing happy he is at the moment.

That he didn’t even know he already had moved Hyunseung’s face from his chest and that he is now closing the gap between them by leaning in forward.

Hyunseung stood frozen the moment it registered in his mind what Junhyung is about to do. He bloody didn’t expect for this to happen. And so he remained still and waited until Junhyung let their lips touched.

He thought those fireworks are just pure bunch of s however all he