Sunjung was drifting between dreaming and being awake and it felt wonderful. Her eyes seemed to have swollen shut, but she didn’t intent to open them anytime time.
She felt like she was floating. She hadn’t slept so well in a long, long time. She burrowed herself deeper into the blankets and snuggled into her pillow. A soft, content groan left .
It was only then that she noticed the weight of an arm on her torso. She felt her heart plummet to the depth of the earth and rise back up, hammering in her chest loudly. Her eyes shot open, giving her a blurry view of her own bedroom.
She shifted uncomfortably, and then sat up in haste.

“You’re up,” a familiar voice said, but it gave her no comfort at all.

A few stray tears left her eyes, she wiped them away. She shifted so that there was a safe distance between her and the man who was still lying blissfully in her bed.
She remembered drinking with Gaeun the previous night, she remembered calling Lu Han to pick her up, and she remembered him bringing her home safely.
She didn’t remember what happened after that.
They couldn’t have, right. He shouldn’t have.
She didn’t want it.

“Sunjung?”
Slowly, Lu Han sat up and rubbed at his eyes groggily.
He noticed the frightened look on her face only after squinting at her for a long moment. As soon as he realized something was wrong, he reached out to touch her arm. He retracted his hand when she visibly flinched at the contact.
For some odd reason, he felt guilt seeping in.

The pair sat in silence for a while, Lu Han with his hands in his lap, Sunjung with her arms around herself.

Lu Han cleared his throat before speaking.
“We…we didn’t… have...”
He was looking down at his hands, his ears turning almost scarlet.
Slowly, hesitantly, he turned to look at Sunjung and was started to see her crying.
He didn’t understand why she was crying.
Was she crying because she was glad? Or worse, was she crying because she didn’t believe him?
“I mean...we did kiss and stuff but...You said you were cold and you wouldn’t let me go and you kept saying that your clothes were uncomfortable to sleep in. So...I changed your clothes. I couldn’t leave you like that.”

Without him knowing, Lu Han’s hand went to wipe her tears. The fact that she didn’t flinch calmed him. But she kept crying, no sound escaping her lips, only tears leaving her eyes.
Unable to resist, he engulfed her in a hug, and then proceeded to pull her onto his lap. He held her close, hoping she would calm down.

“I’m sorry,” he heard her whisper against his chest.
He held her tighter. He didn’t understand why she was apologising either.

Sunjung felt terrible.
She had not realised that she was in her nightwear, she had not realised that he was fully clothed and had not realised until now that she had woken up feeling good.
She felt horrible for assuming that he was the same. Lu Han was a wonderful person.
She felt like she didn’t deserve him.

Despite all her thoughts, she found herself clinging to him like a child.

I really don’t deserve you.

***

Lu Han was mildly surprised to find a pink-faced Sunjung sitting at one of the high stools in Minseok’s lounge. She was accompanied by the tall Im Gaeun who looked slightly more sober. By now Lu Han knew that Gaeun was the Baekhyun of JFC Publishing. She was the person who threw most parties and filmed everyone’s drunken antics. He considered Sunjung going out with her just a tiny bit dangerous but they were friends, and she was Sunjung’s only girl-friend.

“Han!” Sunjung greeted happily when she saw him.
She hopped off the stood and opened her arms, inviting him in for a hug.

Lu Han looked slightly taken aback, but he hugged her anyways. She was never so affectionate in public.
He turned to Gaeun, not knowing what he was supposed to say.
“Thanks for taking care of her,” he said with a bow.

The woman just brushed off his words.
“She’s a lightweight,” Gaeun said with a wave of her hand, “She hardly had three shots. Right, Minseok-ssi?”

Lu Han hadn’t noticed his best-friend standing nearby. Sometimes, when Sunjung was around, he could only focus on her. Right in that moment, he could only focus on how Sunjung had laced their fingers together and was leaning on him completely.

Minseok looked slightly intimidated and wholly intrigued by the tall woman who was sitting next to where he stood. Apparently at a loss for words, he turned to his best friend with small, nervous smile.
“Really, she didn’t drink that much,” he informed, “Gaeun-ssi drank more than she did.”

Lu Han let out a sigh.
“It’s okay,” he said and ran a hand through his hair, “We’ll be leaving then.”
He nodded at both Gaeun and Minseok, and then proceeded to slowly drag a surprisingly unwilling Sunjung out of the club.

Luckily, they caught a cab almost as soon as they set foot on the main road. Lu Han wanted to her home quickly. The hand that was entwined with his had turned incredibly cold.