Deep breaths.

Those two words had become something Sunjung had been forced to repeat to herself during the past few days. A lot of times she felt her eyes filling up with unwelcome tears and her breathing get uneven (too many times for her liking). She didn’t like tears, they made her feel so weak and so vulnerable; the very things she had promised herself she would never allow herself to be. But it hurt...when she unconsciously replayed Junyoung’s words in her head. How had she allowed things to get that bad? How had their mother allowed Junyoung to become the bitter young man he now was?

Deep breaths, Sunjung told herself as she resisted the urge to throw her phone at the nearby wall.

“He’s just being his usual self,” her mother’s voice said from the other side. Sunjung rolled her eyes. It wasn’t his usual self; their mother ought to know that. Her mother continued when Sunjung did not respond. “He’s just angry.”

“And I am supposed to be the one to fix that?”  Sunjung hadn’t meant to sound rude, but the words came out cold and sharp.

“You’re the only one he’ll actually respond to.”
Yes, he had responded to her. His response had been undeniable hatred. Sunjung sighed. She couldn’t express in words the coldness backed by darkness she had seen in his eyes when he’d said that she was the cause of his unhappiness.

“How did this even happen?” The question was asked more to herself than to her mother.

“Your father...” the answer came but it wasn’t complete.

“I’ll talk to you later, Mum,” Sunjung began to restore order to her desk that was already in order. After receiving a rather exasperated response from her mother, she ended the call.

Work was actually a refreshing break for Sunjung. She could take a break from her incessant contemplations and focus on something. It was work but it was relaxing. Walking into her decent-sized office was now starting to give her a rush of familiarity. She liked her job. But unlike she had thought a satisfactory career with a good pay cheque wasn’t the only essential of happiness. She often found herself thinking about her lack of a personal life.

Work took her mind off her outwardly perfect family that was almost broken on the inside. Yes...it did that for her. Work and...Lu Han.

Being around Lu Han was extremely easy and almost relaxing. He was friendly and easygoing. They talked, laughed and went out together; and when they did, she was happy. She had never thought she’d appreciate his presence...appreciate him.

When Sunjung exited the JFC Publishing building only with the thought of going home to Lu Han, she realised she did...appreciate him.

She didn’t know if she liked it.

***

Sunjung ran her eyes along the shelves that held all that she needed. She needed to buy a few things and for once she hadn’t had Lu Han tag along. Sometimes, a person needs time alone and Sunjung was giving herself exactly that. But her mind wandered into thoughts about how having Lu Han with her when shopping was always so convenient. She didn’t like the arguments they got into regarding the bill but besides that, it was nice.

Taking a packet of salmon off the shelf, Sunjung tossed it into the basket she carried. Walking towards the end of the aisle, she searched the corners of her mind for anything important she had forgotten. Satisfied that she had not left anything out, she turned and headed towards the cash counter.

Only a few steps and her feet almost screeched to a halt. Unconsciously, she shook her head at the sight of her brother.

Junyoung was standing with a tall boy she assumed was his friend, arguing almost animatedly about something that was in his hand. She wanted to turn and leave but the only counter with a relatively short line was the one a few feet away from where the two college boys stood. She had wanted to confront Junyoung again, but she didn’t want it to be so soon. Her mother had left her to fix something she hadn’t known was broken. Sunjung wanted to do it but...she didn’t have a plan of action. She usually had one. When she didn’t, she didn’t know how to function.

Trying to be as inconspicuous as poss