Fear

When Chen went to dream land that night he hadn’t feel so calm i forever, which probably was what triggered the nightmare to start again. Usually he militated a bit before going to bed, but he had been so tired he had just fallen sleep immediately, and that resulting in the usual horrifying dream.

Chen was running, as fast as he could, towards something, the need to get there was so big he felt like he was going to throw up. He kept on running even though his bare feet had started bleeding from the pebbles he stepped on, he kept on running even though he was short of breath and he would keep on running. Keep on running until he reached Sungjae.

When he finally reached he saw Sungjae standing there, moving infront of Chen to protect him from the upcoming magma. And Chen ran, and tried to push Sungjae away. But it was to late, it was always to late, and he watched as the magma infront of him ripped his best friends to pieces, his head flying in one direction and the rest of his body in another. And then he watched as Sungjae’s body rebuilt and transformed into the same kind of monster which had just killed him, the need to kill evident in his eyes. And everything was Chen’s fault. He was to blame.

The scene changed once more, and Chen now found himself standing infront of a church, watching the funeral with the empty casket. because there was no Sungjae to bury. Because Sungjae was now a monster. 

”It’s all you fault!” someone screamed at him. Sungjae’s mother and father. ”If you hadn’t been so stupid and week this would never had happened. It’s your fault our son is dead, you are the one to blame! You should have died instead, YOU AND NOT HIM.” 

Sungjae’s mother kept screaming as Chen begged her to stop. ”I WISH YOU COULD JUST DIE, THAT YOU COULD JUST CHANGE PLACES WITH I´HIM, YOU DESERVE IT!!!! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU”

”No, Chen whimpered and shook his head. ”Please i am so sorry please no.”

But the voices just kept going.

”You are the one to blame… everything is on you.. we hate you… just die already.” 

Chen covered his ears with his hands but the voices were still just as clear, and he screamed. Screamed to cover there shouts, to cover his own pain, to ge everything out. he screamed and screamed and screamed.

And the screaming was what woke Xiumin up. He stirred in bed, throwing himself up, searching for any threat, only to fins Chen going back and forth in bed, clearly asleep, cry out no’s and pleads. 

He quickly went up to the screaming boy, and stared shaking him. ”Chen, Chen wake up. Come on, it’s not real.” But Chen didn’t react at all, it just got worse, and XIumin decided to go for a last resolve. 

He raised his hand, and let it fall down harshly on Chen’s cheek as he shouted ”WAKE UP!” and finally it worked. Chen shot up in bed, eyes wide but awake, with tears running down his face. 

Chen looked around the room, kind of searching for his mother who usually woke him up with a hard slap, but instead he found Xiumin’s concerned eyes above him. 

”You okay?” he asked, and Chen nodded the best he could. The voices was still ringing in his head, but he usually calmed down pretty quickly after he finally woke up. And the sooner someone woke him, the faster it went for him to cool down. This time he had been awaken pretty early. Usually he spent what feet like an eternity screaming away the voices in his head before someone woke him.

”Yeah” he answered, voice thick with tears, pretty rough from crying. ”I was just surprised. I haven’t had that dream in ages.”

Xiumin sat down carefully on Chen’s bed. ”Wanna talk about it?”

Chen looked at him. Normally he would have said no, but something made him feel like Xiumin would actually understad. ”Well, i dream of the night when Sungjae gets killed, and it’s one of those dreams which constantly are coming back. Usually i meditate before going to sleep, but i didn’t have the chance to do that tonight and because of the earlier incident the dream came back. I dream that i am trying to get to Sungjae before the magma takes him, but i never make it, and instead of the magma just feeding of him and Sungjae changing, he gets ripped apart before he changes. And then i am at the funeral and everyone is screaming at me it was my fault and that i should die and no matter what i do i can still hear them screaming. And those screams continues until the moment i wake up. And i never wake up from that by myself. It has to be an alarm clock or a person.” 

Che had’t noticed he was crying again until Xiumin was drying his tears of. ”I understand how terrible that must be to dream of, but you have to remember that it’s just a dream. It can’t really hurt you.”

Chen gave a bitter smile as response. ”But it already has hurt me. That they are screaming at me at the funeral is only partially a dream. Sungjae’s mother actually did scream those things at me, while the rest just stood quiet until her husband came and told her to stop. She apologized to me a while after, saying that she knew that it wasn’t my fault, but that she had been so sad. And i forgave her. But deep down i understood that a pretty big part of her still is blaming me. And i understand her. I blame myself everyday.”

Xiumin looked angry, and shocked from hearing what Chen said. ”I told you before and i am telling you again. What happened was not your fault. It was a horrible course of events which caused Sungjae to turn, it wasn’t because of you. The choice to protect you was made form him, and there was no way you could have stopped him. I have already told you this!”

Chen smiled a bit. ”I know… But it’s still hard. No matter what i do i can still remember her screaming, and even if i tell myself it wasn’t my fault a part of me just can’t realize that.”

Xiumin looked sad, and nodded a bit. ”I understand in a sense what you mean. I am like that myself. But i never had to experience a mother screaming at me like that, and it makes me so angry hearing. What she did wasn’t right, grieving or not.”

”I still can’t blame her for it though.”

Xiumin sighed. ”I know.”

It was quiet for a while, and then Xiumin opened his mouth once again. ”Perhaps we should go back to sleep.”

Chen blushed a bit. ”I would, but the dream tends to repeat itself if i go back to sleep when i just have had one. I think it’s just better if i stay up.”

Xiumin shook his head. ”No, you need to sleep. Perhaps it will be easier if someone sleeps together with you? Should i go wake up your brother?” 

Chen shook his head. ”No don’t do that. I have kind of told him the nightmares have stopped, since he worried so much when he heard about them. I don’t want another fight with him again tonight. I’ll tell him in the morning if i have to.”

”Yeah you really should tell him. So no getting him then?”

”No.”

”Will you try to sleep anyways?”

”..No.”

Xiumin sighed, and then he drew away the blankets from Chen’s body. 

”What are you doing?!” Chen squeaked out, horrified.

”Scoot over, dummy. I am sleeping together with you tonight. If you don’t want to sleep alone and i can’t get Lay i see no other option. Now stop looking so terrified and scoot over. I don’t have all night.”

Chen, red as a tomato in the face, silently did as he was told. He had never been this embarrassed in his entire life. 

Xiumin on the other hand seemed to calm and collected, as he lied down next to Chen. They lied quietly, and Chen felt his eyes dropping. But as soon as he started to drift off, the dream started to play again and he snapped his eyes open.

Xiumin, ho noticed the other tense up, sighed once more and then brought his strong arm around the fragile boy. Even if he didn’t show it, he was quiet embarrassed himself. But right now there was more important things to think about right now, he thought as he slowly petted Chen’s hair, and brought the boys head up to lie on his chest. ”It’s okay, Chen. I am right here. You are not alone. It was not your fault.”

Chen slowly relaxed against Xiumin, curling closer into the surprisingly warm body of the ice boy. He could feel the steady heartbeat of the other, and he slowly felt himself relax, enjoying the was Xiumin’s hand was moving in his hair. 

”Thank you” he mumbled out. ”For caring enough to share a bed with a compete stranger.”

Xiumin snorted. ”Yeah, sure, no problem kid. Anytime. No sleep.” 

And Chen, surprisingly, did. He closed his eyes and fell asleep just like that. His breathing slowing down and his face turning peaceful. Xiumin just layer there, and kept his hands running through the other’s hair. He looked so beautiful lying there. But also so fragile. He could understand why Sungjae had wanted to protect him, because that was just the feeling he gave. He looked like he needed to be protected, and Xiumin just like everyone else, felt the need to protect.

He sighed, once more, and closed his eyes. What are you doing to me, Chen? I haven’t felt like this since before that incident. 

I can’t be falling for him right? No way.

ing fantastic.

Author’s note:

Since you asked so nicely i thought i might just give you another update. I do hope you’ll enjoy. Thank you for all the comments, they make my heart swell with joy!!!! <3