I am so sorry to those of you I managed to miss off last time!  Happy belated birthdays to Miemela and Pixelsha!

Oh, and Oh Sehun, even though he isn't reading this (I hope).

For all that Xiumin joked that “we need to talk” sounded terribly ominous, once they’d left the police station, neither of them spoke a word until they had left the supermarket, Xiumin adjusting the shopping bags on his arms.

“It’s not far back to the apartment,” he said.  “If you want to talk away from cameras, we only have fifteen minutes or so.”  He glanced across at her.  “And I’m assuming the reason you wanted to walk with me was because you don’t want this conversation recorded.”

Semi grimaced.  He was right, but she was beginning to wonder how sensible it was to have the conversation away from the apartment, just in case unwanted people showed up like the previous day, and whether Xiumin was more likely to be truthful on or off camera.

“I want to ask you some questions,” she decided eventually, “and I want you to answer honestly.”

“Okay.  I can do—”

“Shush,” Semi told him, frowning.  “I don’t want you to say any more than absolutely necessary.  I know too many people who are good at obscuring things in a load of waffle.  It’s hard enough to trust you in any case.  I want to at least have a decent stab at whether or not you’re telling the truth.”

He opened his mouth, and for a moment Semi wondered if he was going to repeat what he’d said on past occasions, that he was a lot more truthful with her than she might have expected.  But then he closed his mouth again and nodded, as if to say I understand.

“First of all….”  Semi struggled, trying to work out how to frame the first question without giving the wrong impression and wondering if it was even appropriate to open with that as a question.  “Apparently you love me.”

“Not a question, but yes.  True statement.”

Semi pursed her lips.  She hadn’t expected him to respond so easily to that one.  But once she opened again, the questions came much more freely.

“Do you actually?  It’s not something you’re lying about again?  And are you serious about it, or is it fleeting?  What does it mean in terms of the Code?  Is Luhan happy with it?”

“Whoa, whoa!” he laughed, holding his hands up as best he was able with the shopping on his arms and turning to face her.  “What is this, a question broadside?”

“Can you actually answer the questions?” Semi demanded peevishly.  He abruptly seemed to remember her earlier request.

“Sorry.  Yes, I do.  This isn’t something I’d lie about – and Luhan wouldn’t have reacted the way he did with trying to scope you out, or freaking out over a potential pregnancy, if I wasn’t showing signs of taking it pretty seriously, and he knows me better than anybody else in the world.  I wouldn’t have made a move on you if it was fleeting – in the past, anything I’ve had that’s been fleeting has basically been a one-night stand, and you’re definitely not that.  In terms of the Code, it means we’re at an impasse, and no, Luhan’s not happy, but you don’t have to approve of everything somebody does to be friends with them.  He doesn’t understand what I find appealing about you and thinks I should just get rid of you, but he respects the fact that I’m emotionally invested and he’s trying to find a way to support me even though you pose a risk to his life.  He says it’s going to take a lot more than a girl to break over twenty years of trust and friendship.”

Semi avoided looking at his face as she delivered her next question.  “And what if I reject you?” she asked stiffly.  “Or can I not if I want to stay alive?”

“I’ll just take it on the chin like any responsible adult ought to.”  He gave a little shrug.  “Anybody who’ll go out of his way to ruin your life because you answer him less than favourably when he confesses isn’t in love with you.  He’s infatuated with the idea of having you as a romantic accessory and you want to kick him in the balls as hard as you can for insulting you so much.”

In spite of herself, Semi let out a snort of laughter.

“It would upset me, obviously,” Xiumin went on, more serious now, “but it doesn’t change the fact that I want to see you safe and protected, and that’s incompatible with you being dead.  There’s a reason I haven’t outright said to your face ‘I love you, Semi, answer my feelings’.  The situation we’re in is messy right now; it would be inappropriate; and I also don’t want to put such pressure on you and have you thinking that you have to respond favourably because you’re scared of any repercussions that may come with a refusal.”

“But wouldn’t it be pointless to put effort into loving somebody who’s clearly not interested?” Semi asked.

Xiumin’s expression became impassive and his tone clipped.  “Luhan thinks so.”

“And what would you be prepared to do if I reciprocated those feelings?”

Xiumin stopped walking.  It took Semi a couple of moments to realise this and she turned to look back at him.  His expression was troubled and he stared at the ground for several moments.

“I wasn’t really considering that as a possibility,” he admitted.  “I thought you’d be far too angry with me to even contemplate that.”

“What would you do?” Semi pressed.  After a moment or two, he shook himself and looked up, stepping forward to join her as she continued walking.

“I’m not sure.  I mean, I’m kind of… limited in what I can do.  A promise to keep you alive seems pretty pitiful compared to what I’d like to do for you and what I’d be able to give were our situations normal, but instead we’re both just stuck in this horrible kind of limbo and I have to watch everything I do to make sure I don’t harm the people I’m trying to protect.  Honestly, I wish my hands weren’t tied like this.”

“But you’re harming both me and Luhan by keeping us stuck in this limbo with you,” Semi pointed out.  “And sooner or later, you’re going to have to choose.”

Xiumin exhaled slowly and closed his eyes.  “No.  I don’t want to.  There are other ways around it.”

“There might not be.”

“There are—”

“What if somebody turns around tomorrow and says, Semi or Luhan, pick your side, you have three hours?”

“Frankly, I’d want that decision taken out of my hands.”

Semi raised her eyebrows.  “Then it’s sorted.  Take responsibility for the things you and Luhan have done and accept Lay’s offer.  Decision made for you.”

Xiumin sighed and came to a halt again.

“I don’t think you understand,” he said.  “There are a million and one people I could go to if I wanted advice on what to do and they’d all tell me different things.  I want the choice not to exist.  I’m not going to choose one of you over