Yixing had to hunt Jongdae down when the man actually vanished after saying he was going to get them coffee.  He knew Jongdae liked to talk to people, but he also knew that he valued his coffee being hot and wouldn’t spend too long over it, and half an hour was kind of pushing things.

Five minutes of wandering around all of Jongdae’s usual haunts led him to Kyungsoo and Jongin’s office, where he found Jongdae, Taemin and Song Qian crowding around Jongin to watch something he was showing them on his laptop.  Kyungsoo was at his own screens wearing a pair of expensive headphones as he ran a programme through a test of some kind.

“I need a copy of this,” Taemin was saying as Yixing popped his head around the door.  “This is absolute gold.”

“Chen,” said Yixing loudly to catch his co-worker’s attention, “I need coffee if we’re going to plan this raid.”

“Screw coffee,” Jongdae told him without looking up from the screen, a large grin plastered across his face.  “Come and watch this.”

“It’s really not funny enough to merit a sixty-seventh run through,” Kyungsoo grumbled from his side of the room.

“Yes, it is,” said Taemin firmly.  “It’s hilarious.”

Intrigued, Yixing joined the others to see what they were all so interested in.  Jongin was still snickering to himself as he set the video back to the beginning.

“Hyung,” whined Taeyong’s voice as Xiumin tucked the little boy back into bed.  “Why won’t you and Semi Noona make babies?”

Yixing raised an eyebrow.  “Is that the next door neighbours’ kid?”

“Yep,” said Jongin happily.  “I think I love him.”

“He’s bold, I’ll give him that.”

Xiumin sighed.  “It’s not as simple as that, Taeyong—”

“Why isn’t it as simple as that?  You’re married, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“And married people have .  Mummy said so.”

Taemin turned away from the computer screen, struggling to hold in his laughter.  A broad grin was also on Jongdae’s face.

“Wow,” observed Yixing, watching Xiumin’s frozen figure on screen.  “I think we’ve just discovered something that scares our little criminal more than I do: six-year-old neighbours asking about human reproduction.”

Jongin let out a very undignified snort.

“What is ?” Taeyong asked abruptly.

“That’s something you should ask your father—”

“But you know, don’t you?  Because you and noona are like Mummy and Daddy.”

Xiumin sighed again as he rearranged the duvet under Taeyong’s chin.

“Not really—”

“You’re like Mummy and Daddy except without me,” Taeyong amended.  “When are you going to make babies?”

“Taeyong, shush and go to sleep.”

“No!”  His hand shot out and grabbed Xiumin’s wrist as the man turned to leave.  “You’re not allowed to go until you tell me!”

“Taeyong, it’s late.”

“Then tell me what is.”

“No.”

“Then I’m not going to go to sleep!  I’ll scream until noona comes and tells me if you don’t.”

“God,” Xiumin muttered.  “Why are you doing this?”  He tried to tug his wrist free, but Taeyong threw back the covers and latched onto him with his other hand as well.

“You have to tell me first!” he insisted.

“No.  It’s not something you need to know at your age.”

“But I want to know!”  He tugged impatiently on Xiumin’s arm.  “Hyuuuung!  Please tell me?”

Xiumin cleared his throat, looking extremely uncomfortable.  “It’s something a man and a woman do when they love each other very much.  Now go to sleep.”

Everybody in the room except Kyungsoo exploded into laughter at the irony of Xiumin’s explanation, given the main reason behind his prosecution.

“Yes, but what do they do?” persisted Taeyong.

There was a long pause.  From the night vision cameras, it was possible to make out Xiumin’s completely lost expression.

“Well, y-you know how men and women are differ— I’m not answering this.  Go to sleep.”

“But hyung!”

Xiumin pretty much bolted.

“This is amazing,” chuckled Yixing.  “Whenever that little kid factors into anything, it’s amazing.”

“Kim Minseok really seems to like him,” Kyungsoo put in without taking his headphones off.  “He was refusing to tell Semi about his first kill because the kid was in the house.”

Jongdae shuddered.  “His testimony over Kangta really creeped me out.  Psychopath.”

“Not technically,” Yixing reminded him.  “Kyuhyun did say it was the most brutal murder he’d ever come across in the court room.”

“Kyuhyun?” Jongin asked.

“High ranking barrister for the prosecution when Xiumin went to trial,” Yixing explained.  “Got a tongue like a whip, and very cynical.  You might meet him at some point.  He’s a good friend of Siwon’s.”

“Yeah, didn’t they meet really drunk in a noraebang not long after they’d both got their jobs after graduating and then all they remember is waking up on a park bench with a bird making its morning ablutions in somebody’s hair?” asked Jongdae.

Taemin stifled a hysterical snort while Song Qian looked disgusted.

“Ew,” said Jongin, struggling to contort his face from a grin into something more disapproving.  “That’s kind of gross.”

“Pretty memorable way to begin a friendship, though,” said Yixing.  “Though I’m pretty sure the uncensored version of it runs that they were both half and some tramp had swindled them both out of all their belongings and half their clothes.”

“Classic,” decided Jongin after a moment or two’s careful thought.

“And Siwon’s patrol partner arrested both of them for indecent exposure,” Yixing added.

Jongin turned to him, holding up his hands.  “Whoa, now.  When you said half , did you mean from the bottom down or the top up?”

They all knocked off early for lunch, with the exception on Song Qian, who offered to relieve poor Kyungsoo of desk duty for a bit (Jongin looked a little peeved at her use of “poor”) and said they were clearly all in need of male bonding time, whatever she thought that might be.  Jongin, being Jongin, interpreted it as chicken-eating time, with a whole chicken to himself and the others sharing a second between them.  Yixing watched him in amazement as he wolfed the bird down.

“How do you do that?” he demanded, eyes starry.

“All the dishes in America are just sized up,” Jongin complained.  “I swear I’m losing weight here.  I either have to order enough for two or starve.”

“You’re not coming with us tomorrow, are you?” Jongdae asked him as he chewed on a chicken leg.

“Nope,” Jongin managed around an enormous mouthful.  “Camera watching.  S’my turn.”

“You mean it’s Song Qian’s turn,” Kyungsoo stated.  Jongin turned and flipped him off.

“Okay,” said Taemin.  “I was about say what a gentleman, but it’s clear something else is going on here, so spill.”

“Leave him be, it’s only their third date,” Kyungsoo told the table at large before hissing with pain, presumably because a now-fuming Jongin had kicked him.

“Now I know why you rejected me!  Oh, woe!  May your cow be forever cursed by your spurning of me!” Taemin cried theatrically.  Jongdae looked like he might choke on the chicken’s wishbone.

Jongin studied Taemin with a curious expression for a couple of moments before uttering: “I think you’ll find the correct expression is dishonour on your cow.”

“Dishonour on your cow, then, and on your cow’s cow!”

“I don’t have a cow, though, and my non-cow most definitely doesn’t have one either.”

“Dishonour on your imaginary cow!”