CHAPTER 53: An Idiot’s Pride And Complete Infatuation

Kris is trembling. But it’s not because he’s scared, rather nervous, but not bad nervous. Good nervous. Like when you know something is going great but you’re still feeling fluttery on the tummy and your hands are sweating because you can’t believe that something that great is actually happening. He’s happy nervous.

Kris clutches the bouquet of roses in his left hand as he stands in front of your bedroom door. He wonders if you’ll like them. It’s winter and so he could not get actual real roses, and so he opted for artificial ones. Well, look in the bright side, he thinks, the flowers will never die.

He knows you’re inside your room because he saw you enter from his room as he was searching for a jacket for not only himself but also for you. He hopes you’re wearing comfortable and warm bottoms and not shorts.

      “Hana?” He knocks twice and then slowly opens the door. You’re sitting cross-legged, eating what seems like a chocolate bar on your bed, with one of the new books that Kris gave you on your lap. You look up at him with a blank expression that soon turns into a smirk. “Well, Yifan. Are you back in my room for more ?”

Kris immediately blushes. He clears his throat, “You’re a .” Then after you snort, he continues, “But that’s not why I’m here. I actually have some serious business I need to talk to you about.”

You immediately know what he’s talking about, which immediately makes your stomach drop. Is he going to ask you out? No, you don’t think so. You thought he would be scared and nervous when he did it but he looks pretty comfortable. Though he is acting oddly suspicious…However, the signs indicate that he might ask you out.  Not to mention, Kris is hiding something under the jacket in his hand. Which by the way, is ridiculous because he’s already wearing a jacket? Which arises yet another question, why is he wearing a jacket? You guys have heaters. The house is warm and cozy. You’re currently wearing sweatpants, but if you wanted to, you could easily wear shorts. There’s no reason for Kris to be dressed in such huge attire. Looks like he’s about to go and explore Antarctica.

      “I’m reading right now,” you mumble, your heart hammering in your chest. You’re not ready. He was supposed to ask you out when the environment was right not when it’s almost midnight and you’re wearing old sweatpants and a white tee that might have some coffee stains on it.

Kris catches onto your nervous demeanor quickly and so he figures he should ease you into the situation. You probably figured out already that he’s about to ask you out. You’re way too intelligent not to. “You could read another time.”

You bite your lip, folding the edge of the page you’re reading on your book, and then closing your book gently. “Fine, talk then.”

Kris shakes his head. You frown. “No,” he says, “Not in your room. Outside.” The jacket in his hand slips a little and you’re sure that you see a bit of red peek out from under it. What is he hiding?

      “Outside? Yifan, It’s freaking cold outside. You want us both to die?” you chuckle, feeling your nerves ease down just a little. Kris pursues his lips.

      “You’re making this all a lot harder than I imagined.”

You pretend not to know what he’s talking about. All you want is time to get ready. You don’t want to be asked out immediately and all of a sudden, too. He should have given you a heads up. “Hana,” Kris says, “Can you just put on some shoes and follow me downstairs?”

You gape for a second. Downstairs? In front of everybody?

      “The only one awake is Lucy and your mom and they’re about to fall asleep on the couch,” Kris adds, sensing your worry. You almost want to squeal at how well he knows you.

Kris sighs when you don’t move for what seems like two minutes, chocolate bar now forgotten along with the book. “Hana, last time I tell you to come with me before I carry you like a bag of potatoes.”

You frown, whining, “But it is cold outside! You can’t just force me to go outside like that. I mean, you look ready- you look like you’re ready to explore Alaska but I-”

      “I’ll give you 30 bucks.”

      “Coming.”

***********

You two gently tiptoe against the wall and towards the kitchen so you could leave through the backdoor and go to the backyard. You figure then that is the reason Luhan cleaned it. You had put on a hoody and some shoes but you already knew that you would still freeze to death. Luckily for you, Kris stopped you as you both stood in front of the backdoor. Your heart was pounding and your cheeks were warm when he handed you the jacket, at the same time revealing a pretty bouquet of red roses tied together by a golden ribbon.

You put on his jacket quietly, eyeing the roses on his hands with a red face. You feel like you are floating on air. There is no surprise element to him asking you out. It is all expected, yet it makes it all even better. "Thanks," you whisper when you finish putting on the jacket. 

Kris smiles, "I just don't want you to be cold when we go outside." He looks around to make sure you're the only ones present, before he stands straight and hands you the roses. You take the bouquet. 

Kris doesn't overlook the way your hands are shaking. He grins, "Nervous?" 

You clear your throat. You can tell he’s also nervous, it’s obvious in his eyes, and so, why is he teasing you? “Just as nervous as you, Yifan. Actually, I think less, because you seem a lot more anxious than I do.”

Kris’ smiles, though it’s quite forced. He ignores your words. “Anyway,” he begins to open the door, “Lets go before I change my mind and decide I much rather date Luhan.”

You snort, his words still causing your stomach to flutter.

Kris opens the door and you move forward, your eyes widening as you take one step outside, your shoes immediately sinking in snow. You feel Kris’ warmth on your back as he closes the door behind you two and steps forward.

      “How is it?” he whispers from behind you, his breath close to your ears.

There’s heavy snow on your feet and on the bushes and trees. It should be dark and messy but it isn’t. The backyard is brighten up with light. There’s lanterns everywhere and the lamp lights that haven’t been working for almost two years are actually working, illuminating the backyard even more. You raise an eyebrow, trying to sound calm and collected. “I’m guessing this was Luhan’s doing?”

Kris nods, “Yup. Reason why he threw the cream on your face. He didn’t want you to become suspicious.”

      “I was already suspicious,” you mumble.

Kris grabs your hand and pulls you along then and you feel your fingers trembling. “This is so cheesy,” you think out loud. Kris leads you both to the metal bench in your backyard. “I thought you girls liked cheesy?”

You make a face and he laughs. “Can you at least appreciate it? I did pretty well in my opinion, though it was Luhan’s idea.”

You sit down on the bench at the same time as Kris, and you both immediately jolt up because the metal bench is freezing. You guys look at each other and grimace.

      “Let’s just do this standing up,” you mumble.

Kris nods, and now you can clearly see how anxious the boy is. His eyes flicker all over the place, his body is tense, and his hands are rubbing against each other. You feel yourself swallow a knot in your throat, and despite the weather, you begin to feel yourself start to sweat.

      “We should date,” Kris blurts out then and his lips are quivering in a way that looks like he’s about to cry or just run away in embarrassment. You are taken aback by the words even when you are expecting them.

Kris shakes his head, “Wait, no.” You frown at him. “That’s not how I practiced,” he mumbles and his hands start trembling as much as yours. He takes the flowers from your hands then and you pout as the fake roses are taken from your grasp.

He looks at you and smiles, rather awkwardly. “Sorry, I need them, but I promise I will give them to you again.”

You stare at him, trying to contain a smile. This is such an awkward encounter.

Kris clears his throat and then he pushes the flowers out to you with both hands. “Hana,” he says before you can take the flowers again, which makes you immediately retract your hands. You have no idea if you’re supposed to take the flowers or not. You laugh then, because you can’t help it. Kris huffs, “Oh come on, take this serious.”

You bite your lip for a second to hold in more laughter. “Yeah, sorry. Continue.”

Kris clears his throat again. “Hana,” he begins, “I have liked you… for, like, a really long time.”

You want to break into a huge smile and maybe , despite feeling butterflies in your stomach.

      “I hope it’s okay but I hope I can be your girlfriend,” Kris says and you blink at him and then you try to contain your smile again at his mistake. “You want to become my girlfriend?” you ask, cheeks pink because of the cold and how embarrassingly amusing this whole thing is.

Kris blinks and then he jumps up in surprise, “Oh, god! I messed up! I meant to say, do you want to be my girlfriend?”

You laugh and he watches you with a small and nervous smile. You shrug your shoulder then and Kris pursues his lips.

      “What is that supposed to mean? No or Yes?” He asks.

You grab the roses from his hand then and hold them tightly. “You know I’m going to say yes; however, I want you to admit something and apologize.”

Kris’ shoulders slump. “Please don’t let it be something stupid….”

You gasp, “It is not something stupid. It’s something that is very crucial to me.”

      “Which means that it’s probably something that you’re holding against me,” Kris mutters. “You can’t take what I say serious, Hana.” Before you can defend your point, Kris speaks again. “Go ahead. Tell me. What is it?”

A huff escapes your lips. “Remember that day at the Ice Cream shop? Luhan had just gotten here. That day, you said some pretty mean stuff to me.”

Kris stays silent. He hates that day. Mostly because you had gone out with Chanyeol and he felt at fault because he thinks he pushed you to go with Chanyeol. Yet at the same time, he felt like he was wrongly accused of hurting you. He thought he said the truth, in a way. You are naïve and you do get attach to people easily. He didn’t necessarily lie. Though he knows he made a mistake, but he would much rather die than admit his mistake.

      “You still remember that?” he mumbles.

You snort, “Um, yeah. It kind of stuck on me since it happened.”

      “You can’t take what I say seriously, Hana. I thought you would know that by now,” Kris groans. He wants this part to disappear and that way you two can skip to the part where you say yes to his proposal and you two kiss and go inside holding hands as an official couple. Besides, it’s really cold in here and the last thing he wants is to stay outside any longer, no matter how romantic it might be. But then again, if it is for you, he might as well handle the cold.

      “Well, I took it seriously,” you pursue your lips. “What you said that day really hurt me, Yifan. It was really messed up. What was that you kept talking even when I told you it was enough. You were a and I think I deserve an apology.”

Kris gapes at you. This was not what he was expecting. He groans, “Why are you doing this to meeeeeee?”

You frown, “Because I refuse to date you without a proper apology.”

Kris gasps, “That is so messed up! Are you going to deny me the title as your lover because I refuse to apologize?”

You shrug, brows tense. “Maybe.”

He gasps again and his broad shoulders slump in a way that makes him seem like a giant pouty baby. “That’s not fair. Besides, what I said that day was not a lie.”

Kris realizes that what he said is a mistake the moment he sees your face contort into one he does not ever want to see again. Angry Hana is not a nice Hana.

      “You made me cry,” you grit out.

He sighs, “Hana, come on.”

      “You called me dumb and naïve and you said I grew too attach to people. Not to mention, you said we were nothing but acquaintances and that you regretted kissing me.”

Kris frowns, “Well, when you put it like that, you’re making me sound like the bad guy.”

You roll your eyes, “You kind of were. You called me a bunch of things and you made me feel bad for liking you when you also liked me but refuse to admit it because you’re a wimp.”

      “I am not a wimp,” Kris hisses, “It’s just hard to admit that I like someone. I struggled with that!”

     “Does that mean that you have to bring me down, too?” you scoff. “What I hate is that you said all that for no reason because you liked me. It hurt me really bad, Yifan. I spent hours thinking that maybe I misread you, that maybe you really hated me.”

     “I don’t hate you,” Kris says, “I could never hate you. Quite the opposite, actually.”

You smile, “Awesome! Then just say sorry and we can move on with our lives.”

Kris groans, “I think that’s unfair. Even if I hurt you, I feel like you deserved to hear the truth. You do fall too easily in love with people. You’re naïve and dumb when it comes to social relationships and you let people step on you- like Chanyeol. He totally played with your feelings and you still let him into your life.”

You scoff, “Well, he isn’t the only one that played with my feelings. It took you this whole year for you to realize that you liked me and the whole time you were teasing me back and forth.”

      “Now you’re just picking a fight,” Kris mutters, slightly irritated because he will not apologize for that. He thinks the past should be put behind and that you two should focus on the future. Even if you were hurt, he thinks that you should really try to get over it. “Can’t we just move on? Can’t you just forget that happened? Like, get over it?”

      “Not until you say sorry for hurting my feelings when you actually liked me but refused to admit it.”

Kris huffs, “I’m not saying sorry.” He has too much pride and ego. He will