Bardo
Déjà Vu
a loud screech could be heard and people were screaming and shouting. when I looked up, baekhyun's car was right in front of me. crashed by a big truck. it was inches away from me. I didn't care if I was actually about to die.
"BAEKHYUN!" I gave a loud high pitched scream that was hurting my throat as I ran to baekhyun.
I looked into the window and baekhyun is bleeding profusely. he was unconscious and I started wailing and screaming as I kept banging the window. I tried to opened the door but it was stuck as it was squashed.
people had called the ambulance while others tried to open the door. I looked around for help and I realized-
the flowers were scattered into character on the grass was:
"will si yoon marry baekhyun?"
that's why he called mum mother in law. and then that random kiss. and that I love you. I screamed again and then I broke down and cry. people started comforting as soon as they realized. comforting doesn't help. all I need you to do is to save baekhyun.
the ambulance come 5 minutes later and then they took baekhyun away. I was on the ambulance and I held baekhyun's hands.
"I will marry you baekhyun. wake up and let's get married" I said, putting my face on his tummy and still crying.
he died as soon as we reached the hospital. the doctor tried to save him but he couldn't be save.
"I'm sorry, but we could not save him. his organs were damage so badly by the impact." the doctor said.
byun baekhyun is dead. my boyfriend is dead. we were suppose to get married. he was about to be my husband. how am I going to survive without him? how can I? take me instead.
"and... this is something we found in his pockets" the doctor passed me a wedding box. I started tearing as soon as the doctor left.
I opened as I put on the ring.
"I do" I forced a smile to myself.
baekhyun's mum and dad brought me to their house and told me there was something baekhyun left for me.
I went into his room, the familiar scent lingers in my nose.
I saw a box on his bed.
"for si yoon"
I sat on his bed as I put the box on my lap and opened it.
there were tons of printed pictures of us since we were from high school till now, tied up together in a ribbon. there is a letter inside too.
"dear si yoon,
the moment I saw you I know it has to be you. I have never fell in love until I met you. when you receive this means I have already proposed to you. I am writing this letter so when we grow old together, I want you to know that I have loved you for a long time. today is the first day we got together. I really love you and I'm sure I won't regret anything. you're my first love, and i hope you're gonna be the first and last one. I might be inexperience at dating, but I know I have loved the right girl. I hope we can last forever, because it all counts all you. I hope this letter won't go to a waste, because it's really precious to me. if you're reading this, were gonna have two kids. boy first, and then a girl. the boy's name should be byun baekyoon, and the girl's name should be byun si hyun. I don't know, we'll decide again when we get married. let's study hard together! anyway, i think writing on letter is more meaningful, since it's a hard copy. its cooler. haha. love you forever, my wife <3
love, byun baekhyun your future handsome husband"
i read it in my head as I cried. he wanted the one and only letter to be the most important and meaningful. no wonder he never written me a letter at all. all he did every year was to send me a long text, a crazily expensive present and a dinner.
I went to baekhyun's funeral the next day. I cried so much that i couldn't anymore. my eyes were extremely red and puffy that I could barely open my eyes. I was sick and tired. in less than a day, I turned from the most happiest girl who was about to get proposed by the best boyfriend ever, to a completely wrecked up person.
"si yoon," someone called me.
I turned around slowly.
he slightly jumped at the sight of me.
"hakhun," I greeted him. he was the friend who was beside baekhyun on the first day of school when I first saw baekhyun. he wasn't a really friendly person to be honest. he seemed really quiet and awkward around me. this is probably his first time approaching me, first.
"you know..." he said as he sighed. I looked at him. "baekhyun.... he wouldn't have died if he didn't forgot about the flowers"
"what do you mean?" I said, frowning.
hakhun's pov
*flashback
"hey hakhun, can you get all the flower petals? i'll promise I get you a drink later!" baekhyun shouted across the park as he was picking up flower petals.
I nodded my head. we were collecting as much flower petals as possible. my good friend baekhyun is finally proposing. baekhyun and his girlfriend, si yoon had gone through so much together to become who they are today. to be honest, I really envied them. baekhyun and I had been friends since elementary. si yoon was the one and only girl he always talked about to me. after they were together, baekhyun slowly neglected me for his girlfriend. well, I'm not trying to say I'm gay, but I felt a little lonely and left out because I don't have a girlfriend like him. I'm not as cool and good looking like baekhyun, but at least he's a really good friend. these days, we only talk occasionally, and he told me weeks ago that he wanted to propose to his girlfriend, that's why we are here today.
also, one reason, is because I get really awkward with girls. i feel like they are really scared of me. once, I had a crush on a girl in middle school. one day I , and she cried because she thought I was bullying her. from then on, I never go near to girls.
I passed the bunch of flower petals as baekhyun used them and arrange them into a sentence.
"will si yoon marry baekhyun?" I read.
"we better pray that there'll be no wind today" I said.
"oh ! I forgot the most important thing" baekhyun jumped as he said quickly.
"what is?" I asked.
"flowers... I can't believe I forgot that!" he panicked.
"don't worry. I could get it for you-"
"no it's okay. I'll get it now. she likes this specific kind that it doesn't sells it just anywhere."
"is it far? just forget about it! didn't you say she's coming already? you won't be able to come back on time!" I said.
"I'll be back before she reach. I can rush" he said as he ran away before I could stop him.
*end
there was nothing I can do. I didn't even told him to be careful. if I told him that, maybe he'll take note when he's on the street.
"I'm sorry, I thought I could stop him.... I feel like I should tell you this... because if I would have tried to stop him he wouldn't have left. or if I told him to be careful he might have been more caution on road"
si yoon's pov
he died just because of a flower.
"it's not your fault..." I mumbled as I thought back.
*flashback
it was our first anniversary. I felt someone covered my eyes.
"guess who am I?" baekhyun said childishly. I smelt a really unique and nice flower scent.
"my bacon" I said, "that flower smells good" I pushed his hand away.
"oh... I was at the flower shop and the owner told me to get this because she said it was unique and rare and they don't sell it elsewhere" he said as he showed me the bouquet of flowers.
"wow, its as pretty as it smells" I said as I took it from him. "thank you," I gave him a kiss on his cheeks.
"happy first anniversary, babe" baekhyun said as he leaned down and kissed my lips. I deepened the kiss.
"when you propose to me, you better get me this flower. it's amazing," I said casually.
"I will." he said as he ruffled my hair
*end
how could he remember something so long ago? I wasn't even being serious. I shouldn't have said that.
I caused baekhyun's death. I'm sorry, baekhyun.
I didn't sleep for days. I didn't eat for days. all I did was thinking about baekhyun and then cry. look at our pictures and then cry. my parents were all also grieved and they barely slept or eat either. how am I going to survive for the rest of my life?
it was on the news headline as it wrote "boyfriend wanted to propose to girlfriend but died at that spot due to a car accident"
and apparently he was not speeding or driving wrongly, instead the truck from the side line sped and didn't see the red light and ended up crashing into baekhyun's car, where both vehicle halt in front of me.
why did baekhyun had to die when the truck driver did not die when the driver is at fault? why?
baekhyun's family sued the truck driver and he could not get a death sentence. instead, he was only at most to be in prison for life. that does not make up baekhyun's death and my life.
my life is ruined. screwed. hopeless. the car should just hit and kill me as well. at least I could be together with baekhyun and I don't have to suffer all this pain. not only I suffered pain, but guilt as well. that's it.
I left the house quietly and walked up to the top floor.
what did I get to deal with this, it's unbearable and I cannot live anymore.
I walked to the edge of the building and stood still, bringing my hands to the back, closing my eyes as I have my final fresh air. it does not feel good when baekhyun is not with me.
baekhyun is my life. without him, I can never live.
I opened my eyes and look down.
if I die, I wouldn't have to suffer and I could be with you again.
but I was afraid.
I love you, baekhyun. we'll meet again. I'll promise you.
I closed my eyes, took a step forward. and black out. I don't feel any pain. and then everything just fade off.
am I dead? am I in heaven?
I am back! an update for halloween! actually, one reason why i update is bc i update my ipod and it failed so it wiped out everything including my stories! i was so scared but i remembered my laptop backed up before updating so i manage to restore my backup... (even ive lost all my musics and apps) and i took at least a few hours to get it done! so the tip of the day is never update your iphone :-p
anyway about the story, i know its a little messy for now. i decided to update every week, and then edit from there when i go on hiatus. so bear with me! I will try to edit this chapter by next week, so sorry!
happy november! d-25 to my birthday :-)
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