That night at the hospital is one of the worst nights that Sanghyuk has had in a while. 

Sanghyuk never ever wakes up screaming or crying – not since he was a kid – but tonight is different. He wakes up drenched in sweat and gasping, seeing all the shadows in the room that isn’t there. It’s different this time. Why is it different? He throws the heavy covers as far away from him as he can. Calm down, he tells himself, but the more he tries to calm himself down, the louder and harder his breath sounds, the more his heart races away desperately in his chest like it’s afraid of slowing down.

His mind is slipping in and out of the dream even though he’s awake. Sanghyuk closes his eyes to get rid of the images in front of his eyes but when he opens them – Moonhyuk is standing right in front of him. And then Sanghyuk sees the knife and ropes. He sees Soojin standing outside his ward and Jooncheol joins him. His nightmares have finally met. 

Sanghyuk slams his shaking hands into his ears and screams because Moonhyuk is actually talking to him. It’s no longer a figment of imagination this time – this time it’s real. And it’s in front of him. 

“You’ve been a very bad boy, Sanghyuk-ah.” Moonhyuk whispers.  “You need to be punished. Soojin and I will take good care of you. Jooncheol hyung too, definitely. You need a lesson.”

At some point Sanghyuk tries to get up but ends up falling off the bed, IV ripping out of his arm with a sharp pain that he doesn’t notice. His tears fall continuously down his cheeks and he’s so scared that he only just manages to make it to the corner of the room. 

The ward is starting to morph into Soojin’s bedroom and Sanghyuk just screams louder because it’s the only thing he can do. He doesn’t know what he’s saying, just “please”s and “I’m sorry”s. Then reality seems to take over a little bit and Jooncheol walking slowly towards him starts to fade away. 

"Hongbin hyung," he whispers hoarsely, pressing his back harshly into the walls, hands still covering his ears. The lack of any sort of immediate reply makes him repeat frantically, "Hyung! Hyung, please! HYUNG!"

A hand touches him and Sanghyuk flinches violently, moving further into the corner than was thought possible. It’s a nurse – it’s not Hongbin. They’re all going to hurt him. Sanghyuk pulls his arm away and curls into a ball, every muscle in his body tense. The doctors and interns and nurses start to gather around him.  

“Hongbin hyung!” Sanghyuk screams again as loudly as possible but the people around him refuse to give way. “Go away! I want Hongbin hyung! Hongbin hyung! Hongbin hyung!” 

Sanghyuk’s breathing starts to get even more erratic as the people around him start to look more and more like Jooncheol and Soojin and Moonhyuk. Sanghyuk pushes himself against the wall with his feet but there’s hardly any more space for him to move in. The walls are squeezing in on him and the people – the people – were they – were they laughing? They’re all laughing at him, they’re all laughing at how scared he is. The panic rises in his chest. 

“Hongbin hyung!” Sanghyuk shouts in distress, his voice hoarse. “Hyung!” 

The door slams against the wall as Hongbin barges in. “Get away from him!” 

Sanghyuk opens his eyes in time to see Hongbin shove through the crowd of doctors. The mass of people disperse as Nakhun rushes in behind Hongbin to push all of the staff out of the ward for a scolding. 

Hongbin crouches down in front of Sanghyuk and places his hands on Sanghyuk’s cheeks. “Sanghyuk? Sanghyuk? Are you with me?” 

Sanghyuk grabs his head – he can feel a headache coming on – as the tears soak through his clothes. “Hyung, get me out of here. Please, please get me – get me out of here. I can’t – Hyung. Please. Please. Please.”

Hongbin pulls the boy in for a hug and even though Sanghyuk’s knees are still pressed to his chest, Sanghyuk manages to lean into the embrace, sobbing into Hongbin’s chest loudly. 

Hongbin interrupts Sanghyuk’s “hyung please”s coming out in hiccups. “Sanghyuk, I need you calm down for me. Calm down. Breathe, okay?” 

Hongbin Sanghyuk’s hair, wet with sweat from his ordeal. Sanghyuk tries to breathe through his tears and blocked nose, tries to forget his nightmare. The delusion – or was it from memory – of Jooncheol walking towards him flashes by once but quickly disappears as he focuses hard on Hongbin’s heat in front of him.  

“Hyung?” Sanghyuk’s lets out a small sob, voice cracking over every word. “Please don’t make me.” 

Hongbin knows exactly what Sanghyuk is trying to tell him – please don’t make me stay here – and lets Sanghyuk out of the embrace because it’s hot. 

Sanghyuk misinterprets the move as Hongbin walking away and he loses it, clawing desperately onto Hongbin’s arm. “Hongbin hyung, please. Please. I need – I need – I’ll stay. Sanghyuk’ll do better. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, please, don’t leave. I can’t go back – I can’t –” 

“I’m not going anywhere, okay?” Hongbin squeezes Sanghyuk’s hand. “Let’s just get you on the bed. Can you stand up?” 

Sanghyuk wipes at his face and stands up, holding tightly onto Hongbin. 

Sanghyuk lies down on the bed but refuses to get under the sheets because they’re heavy and they make him feel trapped. He hates being covered with blankets unless he’s under control. Or being blinded. It reminds him of too many painful things – like being tied up and blindfolded for hours on an end. It was a punishment used more than once and all his Sirs figured out after a while that it was the thing he was most scared of. They used it to break him. Sanghyuk can feel some parts of his clothes sticking to his skin because of his tears and it’s almost embarrassing. Hongbin gets up to pour a glass of water and he isn’t even walking out of the ward but Sanghyuk’s eyes follow him everywhere, body tense. 

Hongbin passes him the glass and Sanghyuk quickly gulps it down, feeling his throat sting and burn. The pain is suddenly made aware to him, his muscles screaming out from being on the edge so long. 

“What happened?” Hongbin asks, concerned, soothing his flat palm across Sanghyuk’s arm after he gets a silent permission to. 

Sanghyuk revels in the solidity and heat of Hongbin. He always feels so warm, like a fire behind a glass window, and Sanghyuk feels icy cold against his touch. Hongbin is warm. Like fire, warm fire, never vicious. Hongbin is safe. Safe. Trust. 

“They were in here.” Sanghyuk whispers and breathes in wetly. “I was scared.”

Hongbin rubs his thumb over the stiff muscles of Sanghyuk’s arm in silent guilt. “I’m sorry. I never should’ve went away.” 

Sanghyuk shakes his head, tears threatening to spill. He closes his eyes to let the feelings of anxiety and humiliation subside. The fluorescent light shining through his eyelids make him see red and warmth. 

“What are you thinking about in there?” Hongbin says gently, voice seemingly softening the hard, thick hospital air. 

“I’m –” Sanghyuk takes some time to think. Not to think about what to say but whether he should say it at all. “About what I’ll do when you leave me. About how I’m still so scared.” 

Sanghyuk’s cheeks burn up and he hopes his voice is blending into the air too because it’s the first time he’s talking about his feelings without being told to. He feels like he’s messing up, feels like he really shouldn’t have done that, but he has. And Hongbin – Hongbin has told him that it’s okay to mess up, right? He won’t be punished for this – he can’t be punished for obeying. Or maybe he can. The person who owns him can do whatever they want to. 

A tired smile lights up Hongbin’s face. “I won’t be leaving anytime soon. I’m also not planning on kicking you out of the house unless you want me to kick you out.”

Sanghyuk manages a shaky, rigid smile. 

Nakhun opens the door slowly and Sanghyuk actually lets out a whimper, trying to keep calm. 

“It’s just me.” Nakhun raises his hands up in the air. “I need to reattach the IV.” 

Nakhun is surprised to see that Sanghyuk is not screaming or thrashing about anymore, just huddling at the corner of the bed staring wide-eyed at him. Nakhun takes a step towards him and Sanghyuk tenses up, like a tightly coiled whip that will lash out if touched. 

Hongbin puts his hand on Sanghyuk’s knee and Sanghyuk flinches but leans into the touch after realizing that it’s Hongbin. 

They wait until Nakhun does what he needs to do as quickly as he can and then they’re alone in the room again. 

“You’re going to have to stay here then we can leave in the morning, okay?” Hongbin absentmindedly fixes Sanghyuk’s bangs. 

Sanghyuk's body surprises him by not turning away. Somehow, even though it scares him because its his own body and he's not even aware of it, his subconscious has already latched on to Hongbin as safe. He almost, almost, indulges himself in the touch but quickly catches himself. He shouldn't. 

“Okay.”  

“Hospitals , huh?” Hongbin tries not to show it but he secretly wants to see Sanghyuk agree – or disagree – or do anything that reveals something about himself. And then very slowly, Sanghyuk gives a half nod on his own accord, and Hongbin tries hard not to smile. “I know. I hate them too.” 

“Do you – Do you, like, think you could – stay in here tonight?” Sanghyuk asks carefully, digging into the side of his thumb. 

“Was planning to. Didn’t even have to ask.” Hongbin smiles, pulling the blanket up to Sanghyuk’s hips, arranging them so they’re loose. “Go to sleep.” 

Sanghyuk is exhausted but it doesn’t mean he’s sleepy. Every part of him is wide awake, firing and ready to run, but he closes his eyes anyway, reminding himself that Hongbin is right next to him if he ever needs someone.