[T/W for: self-harm, depression, a little bit of blood] 

Hakyeon pounces on Hongbin, grabbing his arm and pushing the jacket sleeve up his arm in one smooth motion. Hongbin panics. Heart racing and palms sweating but he doesn't struggle – the thoughts race in his head, a steam engine out of control, but Hongbin tries valiantly to keep his face calm. He had been expecting this. Hakyeon always does this whenever he notices Hongbin wearing that grey jacket in the sweltering photo studio. Hongbin doesn’t ever wear jackets in the studio.

Calm down. He already knows. Breathe.

When Hakyeon finally manages to extract Hongbin’s wrist from the bandages, his breath intakes sharply and audibly, taking in the red angry cuts on Hongbin’s wrist. Hongbin doesn’t dare to look up – those lines quantify failure and he knows it.  It’s not like he hasn’t been here before. Hakyeon has confronted his stupid, stupid behavior more times than he can count and every single time, Hongbin just manages to everything up.

“Lee Hongbin. You told me you stopped.” Hakyeon’s voice starts to climb a few notches – the way it always does when he’s upset. The sharp, clipped ends of his words bite into Hongbin’s skin and his cuts start to itch. “Answer me you bastard.”

“I did. I really did stop. I’m sorry.”

Hakyeon literally drops Hongbin’s arm onto the table and glares at him. Hongbin quickly pulls down his sleeve and winces as the cloth rubs against the open wounds. “I’ve heard that so many times. Don’t tell me you’re sorry. What’s the ing point if you’re just going to keep doing it? Huh?”

Hongbin swallows painfully. “I don’t know what to sa –”

“You promised me.”

Then Hakyeon’s voice suddenly shifts to being uncharacteristically soft and – he’s hurting ­– Hongbin realizes with a jolt. He’s always hurting because of Hongbin. “You promised me that you wouldn’t do it anymore. You promised me five ing times. What happened?”

Hongbin’s throat tightens and the words have to claw their way out of his mouth. “My mom called last night.”                

Hakyeon looks up at Hongbin and his gaze softens, just by a little – the way it always does when Hongbin mentions his mom even though the last thing Hongbin wants is pity. “What did she say?”

Hongbin shrugs, trying to act nonchalant because he’s so damned tired of breaking down in front of Hakyeon. “Nothing m – much. Just the usual.” 

Memory of last night’s nightmare flashes through Hongbin’s head and he unconsciously starts picking at a fresh scab. It’s a habit – he doesn’t even know he’s doing it.

Hakyeon grips Hongbin’s wrist. “Don’t do that.”

“Wha –” Hongbin quickly retracts his hand. “Sorry.”

“Did she ask you anything?”

“I think – ” Hongbin drops his head onto the counter so he doesn’t have to see Hakyeon. He’s losing it again, his breaths don’t come out even no matter how hard he tries to calm down. “I think? I think she did? Yeah. Or maybe she didn’t. Don’t know. I keep trying – I keep trying to remember last night but I just can’t – I can’t – l don’t think I replied her even if she did ask me anything.”

Hakyeon lays his hand on Hongbin’s head and , soothing his shaking junior. “It’s okay. I’ll just listen to the phone recording tonight, okay? Don’t worry about it, I’m sure it’s fine.”

Hongbin exhales a long and hard breath to appease the monster within him. “You gonna come over tonight?”

Hakyeon doesn’t even bother checking his schedule. “I could.”

 “Okay. You can go meet Hyuk later and we’ll see if he’s okay for you to come over.”

“I see I got replaced, you insufferable brat.” Hakyeon scowls. “I even have your house key too. Could open the door even without your permission.”  

The both of them wait until a staff walks in then straight out after entering the pantry because Hakyeon is scary to his employees when he’s angry. It’s… an added advantage of being old friends with Hakyeon; being respected by everyone else in the company.

“But Kong!” Hakyeon whines (but Hongbin knows there’s a threat in it as well). “Don’t do it anymore. You always come over whenever your mom calls. Why didn’t you last night?”

“Sanghyuk.” Hongbin can’t help smiling a little at the mention at his name despite himself. “Couldn’t leave him in the house alone.”

“He makes you really happy, doesn’t he?”

I g – guess.” Hongbin scoffs sheepishly. “I actually… actually thought I was getting better because of him.”

The pantry fridge gives a small hum as they mull over the words hanging by their heads. 

“… Are you?” Hakyeon tries his luck. “Getting better?”

“The – The, um, heaviness is still there and I still think about what happened but – but I feel like I’ve found my purpose you know? Like, for once I… I actually know what I’ve been put on earth for. I’ve been learning a lot of things from Sanghyuk. Last night… Last night was just a fluke. I swear. I ed up. Wasn’t thinking, as usual. D – Didn’t mean to, um, hurt myself.”

Hakyeon nods.

“I understand. It’s all good. I’m proud of you. But –” Hakyeon stops abruptly. “Can’t you tell him so he can help you whenever she calls again?”

Hongbin’s eyes widen. “No. No way, hyung. Never. I can’t tell him. He already has enough to deal with.”

Hakyeon raises his eyebrows and Hongbin gives him a steady look. Hakyeon sighs and breaks eye contact, slumping into his seat. The only person he ever gives in to is Hongbin. (And Taek. But with Taek its mostly because his life is actually in danger if he doesn’t concede and also because his boyfriend is absolutely adorable even when he’s angry.)

“But you know I’ll have to tell Nakhun if he asks, right?” Hakyeon touches Hongbin’s arm slightly. “He already knows that I’m not telling him enough things. I can’t hide it anymore. I always cover up for you. He’s going to get pissed at me.”

“I know.” Hongbin nods in shame, tousling his hair in semi-frustration. “And thank you.”

Hakyeon places a hand on Hongbin’s knee. “You know I’m always going to be here right?”

 “Of course I know. I'm fine, I am fine. I’ll try my best, okay?” Hongbin picks at his nails. “– on’t like seeing you upset.”

“No, you mean, ‘Don’t wanna see Sanghyuk get upset.’ Clearly I’m not your number one anymore.” Hakyeon takes a sip from his cup. “Whatever. Do you think I care? I don’t care. Really don’t. I have Taekwoon all to myself anyway.”

Hongbin laughs and punches Hakyeon in his side. “Don’t be so bitter about it. Pretty sure you’ll learn to like Sanghyuk more than you like me.”

“Yes, I will be his new best friend. Just watch me.” Hakyeon shoots his cup into the trashcan and celebrates the goal. “Okay. Bring me to your magical boy right now.”  

Hongbin shakes his head. “I’m warning you though, you only gave your 20% the last time you met him and he already thinks you’re loud.”

“I’ll be quiet for once.”  Then Hakyeon stalks out of the pantry in front of him even though he doesn’t have a clue where he’s going.

Hongbin shakes his head. Hakyeon. 

[A/N: I am hellbent on refusing to hide this author's note under a small font and an inconspicuous color, because the main purpose of this story, the whole reason of writing this, was not only to make a show of my dedication to my otp but ALSO to: 

• Raise awareness for mental illnesses, 
• Raise awareness for the bad things that are happening in this world. 

Many of you might think that this story is fictional. And largely, yes. Our six precious boys are out there chasing their dreams, chasing the stars - no, being stars. But many people out there in the world do not even have the privilege of having dreams. This is where you step in, this is where I want to step in, as author pleading readers to help. 

If you have not heard of #HelpLeeJungHee, I suggest you click this link: http://netizenbuzz.blogspot.sg/2015/06/pann-woman-pleas-for-help-on-her.html?utm_medium=twitter&utm_source=twitterfeed

Lee JungHee is a mother of two who has, over too long, been put in danger by her husband. Both her and her children have been repeatedly and sold, together with others that are stuck in underground ion due to that man. 

There are many things that happen outside our happy bubble. Our lives do not exist on the internet, and definitely not on asianfanfics. If you don't care about the reality of things, the reality that slavery, that ion, that ography, that PTSD/anxiety/depression/self-harm are things that exist, then I don't understand why you are reading this fanfiction and I would very much rather you unsubscribe. I do not write to deceive - yes, i write to bring readers into another world, but I do not want you guys to be blind to the truth. To any truth.

Find ways to help. If you cannot find ways to help this case, find other cases to help. And if you are not in any capacity to aid financially, it is enough to spread the word, use the hashtag, and just keep this in mind: there are very real people out there suffering, and we are the only ones that can help.]