Getting out of the house is always a battle between him and his courage. His fever had gone down rapidly after a night’s rest and now they’re on the way to the office again. He had hoped it would be easier on the second time but it still feels the same. He’s still a bundle of nerves, with a sort of electricity within him, going off every once in a while underneath his skin with nowhere to escape to. But he tries.

“I think Leo hyung’s in the studio today,” Hongbin says while picking up some paperwork on the way to the studio. “You okay with him?”

“Yeah.” Sanghyuk pauses for a short while, not because he doesn’t know how to answer the question, but because he does. Leo hyung should scare him for all the reasons in the world but somehow, he isn’t exactly scared. Fearful, maybe, but of something that isn’t Leo hyung.

“You sure?” Hongbin says, a mirthful grin on his face.

“I’m sure, hyung.”

“You’ve got your phone with you, right?”

Sanghyuk rushes to pull it out from his pocket. “Right here.”

“I might be moving in and out of the studio today. Not for too long, but just in case something crops up, call me.”

“I will.” Sanghyuk replies softly. “Um… Leo... hyung will be there though, right?”

“Yup. Let’s go meet Hakyeon hyung first, since Leo hyung’s schedule doesn’t end until 11.”

Hongbin’s hands are busy, gathering files and papers, but he doesn’t forget to look up to check if Sanghyuk is okay. It makes him feel so much better, especially since he always forgets to give a verbal confirmation.

They walk down numerous corridors, climb a couple of stairwells, brush past a few crowds, before they reach Hakyeon’s office. Hongbin, like always, keeps a close eye on Sanghyuk. He almost froze up once, when they had to pass by a staff shouting at an intern, but he doesn’t shake or think about hurting himself to forget about his fear. Hongbin notices, and tells him that he seems a tad bit calmer around people, which he, of course, doesn’t show any response besides ducking his head, grasping his book more tightly.

It’s not that Sanghyuk doesn’t agree with Hongbin. He doesn’t say anything because he’s concentrating so hard on not dissociating, or freaking out. Hongbin shouldn’t have to deal with him going bat crazy at any signs of life like a mentally unsound kid. And Sanghyuk definitely shouldn’t embarrass the very person that gave him a home to live in. He tries so hard to be normal that it feels like everything that normal isn’t.

“Hyung.” Hongbin speaks into the intercom. “It’s Hongbin.”

“Kong!” A voice so loud booms through the speakers as Hongbin gives Sanghyuk an apologetic grimace. “Come in, come in!”

The glass door makes a mechanical clicking sound and Hongbin pushes it open, Sanghyuk following close behind.

“Kong!” The man sitting at the desk screams before his line of vision moves to Sanghyuk. “Oh ho! Who is this? Is this the kid you told me about?”

Sanghyuk bows deeply and hopes that he doesn’t have to open his mouth for the entire duration.

“Yeah.” Hongbin puts his camera gear down. “Sanghyuk, this is Hakyeon hyung. Hyung, this is Sanghyuk.”

Hakyeon walks up to him and extends his hand. “Nice to meet you!”

Sanghyuk looks at it, not sure if he should take it or not, when Hongbin saves him in the nick of time.

“He doesn’t like physical contact, hyung. I thought I told you that already.”

Hakyeon hyung narrows his eyes in a way that spells one part disbelief, two parts suspicion. “No you didn’t.”

Sanghyuk feels Hongbin’s hands on his shoulders guiding him to the couch, then Hakyeon hyung’s following shout of, “See, see, see, you’re touching him!”

The whole situation is so confusing and odd that Sanghyuk is at a loss. He feels like he’s in a play, where he’s the only actor without a script. He has a feeling that Hongbin and Hakyeon talk like this on a regular basis. But it’s not unsettling in any way, which is good, considering how much of that he’s felt just in the span of an hour.

***

By the time they leave the office, it’s safe to say that Sanghyuk has eliminated most of the fear he had of Hakyeon. He’s loud, no doubt, but he feels a lot like an older brother. And perhaps, it doesn’t seem like such a bad idea to have Hakyeon as a ‘texting buddy’. Hakyeon made him promise in the office that he would reply his texts whenever they came, even with Hongbin’s protests in the background.

He doesn't know why it surprises him but it doesn’t even take 5 minutes after leaving the office for Hakyeon to text him, emojis and all. Hongbin tells him that he doesn’t have to reply immediately because Hakyeon types at the speed of lightning so he decides to text back when he’s at home and can spend all the time he needs to craft a text. It's the first real relationship he has established besides the one he has with Hongbin and he really doesn't want to mess it up with all the stupid things he says. 

Sanghyuk watches Leo do a solo shoot under Hongbin’s persuasion. He looks less scary when he has a theme to follow, but the very moment the photographer says “Okay! We’re done”, he shifts back to his regular expression. Bows a few times to the staff, then leaves with his hands in his pocket.

Leo hooks his arm around Hongbin’s shoulder as he passes, without giving any acknowledgement. “What do you want?”

“You’re free right? For the next three hours?” Hongbin says, hunching a little with the weight that Leo hyung is (purposely, Sanghyuk thinks) putting on his shoulders. “Hakyeon hyung told me you guys have a romantic –”

"Okay!" Leo's eyes shift around the studio. “I get it. Shut up.”

Hongbin gives him a -eating grin. “Can you stay with Sanghyuk for a bit?”

Leo suddenly turns his head back to look at Sanghyuk. The stare isn’t a hateful one, just sturdy and… neutral. Like he doesn’t think much about the issue.

“Whatever.” Leo hyung unhooks his arm and pulls two chairs over. They make piercing screeches that makes Sanghyuk flinch but Leo… really doesn’t care that everyone is staring at him. “But he has to sit next to me. The president from Pivotal is here.”

The last part is said in a hushed tone and Hongbin looks almost worried, but they both smoothen out the creases in their face before Sanghyuk can get a proper look. Sanghyuk wants to ask what Pivotal is, but he’s not sure if it’s his place. Maybe he should just stay quiet.

Somewhere behind them, someone calls for Hongbin and he quickly answers a ‘yeah’, before running off, saying a quick goodbye to him and Leo.

The air is awkward, almost frigid, now that the both of them are just… there. Leo just takes a seat heavily and pats the chair beside him, only a few inches away. Sanghyuk settles cautiously in it and spends the next few minutes just clutching his book, trying hard not to damage the cover with his anxious fidgeting.

Leo finally looks up from his phone. “You… gonna read it?”  

Sanghyuk flinches at the sudden voice and quickly opens the book. “Um… yeah. Yeah. Sir.”

Leo frowns without even trying to hide it and Sanghyuk momentarily wants to get away because he doesn’t know what he just did wrong. Not even ten minutes into this and he has already ed up.

“Don’t call me that.” Leo says and Sanghyuk can’t breathe. “Just say hyung or something, I don’t know.”

Oh. Okay. Leo hyung. No one here seems to want to be called Sir. Weird.

He’s a few chapters into the book when the set starts to displace itself. All the staff, including Hongbin, start to pack up and move out of the studio. Leo hyung doesn’t even look up but Sanghyuk watches them intently as they leave, watches how some of the female stylists are joined at the hip and everyone seems so… close.  Hongbin vaguely motions for him to check his phone and he does as a text comes in from Hongbin about how he’ll be back in about an hour.

The hour is almost up when someone walks into the studio, neatly dressed, cleanly waxed hair, nice shoes. He reminds Sanghyuk of his previous Sirs and Sanghyuk moves his chair just a fraction closer to Leo’s. Leo picks up on the fear quickly even though he looked like he was engrossed in whatever he was reading. He looks back and sighs the troubled sigh that Sanghyuk has learnt to be afraid of.

Leo stands up and Sanghyuk follows immediately, staring gingerly at the man. There’s a familiar confidence in his step.

“Does Hakyeon know you’re here?”

The man smiles in such a devious way that it looks as if a knife had carved a smile into his face under the lighting of the studio. “Ah, Taekwoon. Leo. The Supermodel. My favorite.”

The man waves for the scattered stylists to leave the studio and they do. The large space makes Sanghyuk feel so much smaller than he already does. He only hopes that Leo can do enough in his power to protect the both of them. The man continues walking. 

“Well, well, now who is this dashing young man?”

Sanghyuk wants to shrink into himself, wants to run away from whatever this is and from the lustful gaze that seems to be crushing his lungs. Then suddenly, Leo’s fingers are circling his wrist. He jerks, but it isn’t enough for Leo to feel through his emotion. Sanghyuk is expecting the grip to tighten until it’s an iron grip so he doesn’t know how to respond when they don’t. In fact, Leo’s face is all scrunched up like he’s on the verge of exploding from anger but his strength is controlled, light. He’s not hurting Sanghyuk just because he’s angry and that helps to calm him down, even if it’s just a little bit.

“Leave him alone, he doesn’t work under Hakyeon.” Leo says, a raging fire beneath the surface of his always too-thin skin.

“Oh,” He sticks his hands in his blazer pockets. “So who is he working for?”

“No one.” Leo hyung raises his voice.

“So I can sign him, then.” The man leans to the side to look at him and Sanghyuk jerks back to hide behind Leo’s back like a child. “He’s gorgeous.”

“You can’t.” Leo glares right at him, nudging at Sanghyuk to move completely out of the man’s sight. “But it’s not like you ing care, making underage models sign phony contracts, not even paying them a single pay check, exploiting their passion. You only think people don’t know how many lives you’ve ruined, how many dreams you’ve crushed because of money, selfish !”

“Oh, Taekwoon.” His voice takes on a sickly sweet tone, dripping with venom and honey at the same time. “You know I mean the best.”

Then he turns his attention to Sanghyuk and holds out his name card. “If you ever change your mind…”

Leo slaps the name card out of his hand and Sanghyuk watches as it tumbles onto the floor. “Get out before I call security. Now."

The man smiles smugly, turning to leave the set, a hurricane that leaves almost as suddenly as it came. “I’ll see you soon then, Taekwoon, at the show. Maybe then you’ll learn some manners. Wouldn’t want anything bad to come your way, would I?”

***

Leo and Sanghyuk try to fall back into a semblance of normalcy but it’s clear that everything was changed by the man’s appearance. So Leo makes small talk. Things like:

“How’s the weather?”

“Are you living with Hongbin?”

And other awkwardly horrible questions. But in the end, Leo finally asks when he accepts the fact that he can’t find a proper transition anymore.

“Do you want Hongbin to know about just now?”

Sanghyuk shakes his head.

***

“Do you want to, maybe, like,” Hongbin suddenly says in the middle of dinner. “Get a tutor?”

Sanghyuk looks up, mouth full. “Tutor, hyung?”

“Yeah. Like, you know, I’ve noticed you read pretty well and super quickly, too, if the book is any indication. Much faster than I still do. And if you start now and work hard, you just might be able to pass the CSATs in time to go to university with people around your age. I’m sure you’re pretty smart. It’s not too bad anyway. Just study, study, study. I mean, I didn’t really do anything and I got a pretty ok score. You don’t even need that good of a score to get into a university in the area. It’s not like they’re horrible or anything. But it’s okay if you don’t feel up to it, you know. I just – Okay, I’m going to stop talking now.” Hongbin finally stops to take a break. “How would you feel about getting a tutor?” 

Sanghyuk frowns unconsciously. “Like… a school teacher.”

“Yeah.” Hongbin finishes up the last bit of his rice and leans back in his seat. “Like a moving school teacher. He can come 5 days a week or 7 days a week or even like, once every two days. It’s all up to you, really. He’ll just come to the house to teach you… stuff. School stuff. Biology, and math, and literature. Things like that.”

“Do you want me to, hyung?”

“Stop.” Hongbin says in a measured voice. “Remember what I told you? It’s not about what I want for you. It’s about what you want for yourself.”

“Yeah.” Sanghyuk’s voice trembles, just slightly. “But hyung, you’re paying for it.”

Hongbin almost chokes on his own spit. “Well, um yeah. That too. If you’re asking in that sense, then yeah. I would like to get a tutor for you. Money isn’t a problem. I know it doesn’t look like it, and it’s not really in my job description, but I’m… pretty well to do. But I want to know if you’re ready or not. I won’t get a tutor if you’re not prepared.”

Sanghyuk looks understandably confused, scared, and conflicted all at the same time.

“Hyung, are you… are you going to be mad at me if I’m not smart?” Sanghyuk says softly, a tiny whisper in the vast scheme of space, but even then, the thought brings color to his cheeks and an odd humiliation that seizes his heart.  “If I’m not – If I don’t do well?”

“I’m not going to be mad at you, Hyuk-ah. Of course not. You could flunk everything and I wouldn’t even mind. As long as you’re happy.”

Sanghyuk never really knows what to say when Hongbin makes statements like these. No one has ever really talked to him like that before and it feels… nice, just that – he’s just not used to it.

The last time he actually got an education was when he was six, at the orphanage, and even then, he was in the same classroom as a couple of kids older than he was. He swallows to remind himself that he exists here, with Hongbin, in this house, which he sometimes forgets.

It’s not like he doesn’t want to learn. He really, really wants to know what it’s like to learn things normal kids learn. But it’s – it’s just. He doesn’t want to know whether or not he’s stupid. He might be – He probably is and he doesn’t want a test score to tell Hongbin that. There’s so much stress inside of him that he’s wishing earnestly for himself not to snap, physically and mentally. It’s just so scary, having to actually make a decision. It feels as if the room had been dry of air.

“You can take your time to think.”

Sanghyuk looks up and realizes that Hongbin… Hongbin doesn’t look expectant. Just – passive. Then the answer becomes clear, like he was looking at it the whole time, just through fog.

“I want to do it.”