Thunder rumbles just when Hongbin walks out of the building and it’s hard not to think that an omen. Work was horrible today, as it has always been. Hongbin really can’t wait to get home and curl up in his couch to sort through his pictures. He lets out a deep sigh and wipes the water off his glasses with his sleeve.

Hongbin looks up to a soaking figure running towards him. That person couldn’t possibly be much older than him – younger perhaps. But this was a rundown neighborhood. Junkies and drunkards and es are teeming everywhere. What would a kid be doing in a place like this?

Hongbin definitely isn’t the type to interfere into things that aren’t any of his business. In fact, he’s more often than not the first to sense trouble and walk the other way. But he remembers that one cousin he had that ran away when he was 8, that one cousin that made his parents worry about their parenting, that one cousin that made his relatives pray for his safety every day, and a decision seemed clear.

“Hey!” Hongbin shouts, stopping in his tracks.

The kid stands still and even from this distance away, Hongbin can see him shaking.

“Do you need help?” He shouts, the rain almost drowning out his voice completely.

The kid doesn’t move and the thought that it might just be an inanimate object that he mistook for a boy momentarily flashes through Hongbin’s mind.

“Hey kid, do you need my help?” He slowly run-walks towards the figure until he’s only an arm’s length away.

“I don’t – don’t know.”  The kid slowly backs away and that’s when Hongbin realizes that the kid doesn’t even have shoes on.

“Why don’t you have shoes on? It’s cold out.”                     

Silence. The white noise of rain.

Hongbin frowns and he thinks he sees the kid flinch. “You can’t be in this storm. My house is just a few houses up the hill. You can stay there until we get you back home tomorrow, ok?”

Hongbin’s teeth chatter involuntarily and he can’t imagine how cold the kid must feel. He watches as the kids’ eyes shift wildly like an alert deer, contemplating his choices like it was a matter of life and death.

“Do you want to die or do you want to take this risk and trust me?” Hongbin shouts a little too loudly but he swears he didn’t mean it and ignores the violent flinch that preceded.

“P – Please.” The kid has never met his eyes, not once, and Hongbin finds it weird. 

Hongbin wants to shout in frustration but that would scare the kid away so he just takes a deep breath. “Just follow me ok?”

Hongbin reaches out to put a hand on the kid’s shoulders but the kid doesn’t react, neither does he step into the shelter of the umbrella.

“I’ll – I’ll – I’ll follow behind, sir.”

Sir?                                                                

Hongbin ignores it. “Okay whatever. At least take the umbrella.”

He holds out the umbrella, even at the risk of his camera getting wet.

“I couldn’t. Pl – Please.” Hongbin doesn’t miss the painfully obvious display of discomfort on the kid’s face.

So Hongbin walks as quickly as he can up the hill, feeling terribly bad that he’s using the umbrella alone. He glances back occasionally and the kid is struggling to keep up but he knows that if he doesn’t get home quickly enough, both of them might be in serious trouble.

***

“We’re here.” The kid still doesn’t look up but how is it even possible to be so rigid and shaking at the same time?

Hongbin ignores the drunk man sitting at the counter – doesn’t even give a greeting (never does), and climbs up the stairs. He looks back at the kid after he reaches the first landing to see him swaying on his feet, eyes fighting to keep open, so Hongbin runs back down.

“!” Hongbin reaches out to grab him as the small frame almost topples backwards but the kid immediately backs up, inches away from falling off the steps, eyes wide in panic and – what even is that emotion – fear?

“Oh god. Are you okay?”                                                                  

“Yeah – I – I –” The kids’ eyes flutters shut and his body falls limp as Hongbin curses, dropping the umbrella, hand shooting out to catch him by the waist.

“Oh my god oh my god oh my god.” Hongbin looks around for help but no one is there but the drunk receptionist. He takes a deep breath to calm himself down from the million thoughts running through his head. He has never been in this situation – or anything close to this – before. Hongbin carries the kid in his arms and stifles a gasp as distinct ribs pressed hard against his chest. He’s too skinny. He shouldn’t be so skinny. What the hell is happening? Ok Hongbin you have to focus. Focus. Climb. Just climb.

He pushes the door to his apartment open, careful not to let anything come into contact with the extremely light (definitely too light to be healthy) boy in his arms. Hongbin puts him down on the bed in his room, water dripping everywhere, but it’s no time to worry about cleanliness now, he reminds himself. Hongbin runs his fingers through his hair, pacing back and forth.

What in the world is he supposed to do now?

Was he supposed to strip the boy of his clothes to dry him? Or was he supposed to just – Hongbin looks down at the shivering boy and bites down on his lip. He runs to the toilet to grab towels and an extra change of clothes from his wardrobe.

Hongbin rushes back into the room, taking note of the wet puddles so he can wipe them dry later. He takes a deep breath to steady himself and reminds himself that I need to do this as he turns the lights down to the dimmest setting. Slowly, he peels every article of clothing off the boy, (closing his eyes at parts he really shouldn’t be looking at) wiping him down gently with the towels then dressing him up in thick clothes again and tucking him properly into bed.

He lets out a breath of relief he didn’t realize he was holding with his hands on his hips as he stares down at the figure of the young boy on his bed, thinking about everything he was going to say to him tomorrow. It isn’t until he shivers that he realizes he too, is soaking wet.

***

It’s 5.30am and Hongbin is still up at his laptop, filtering through his photos. He has twice the workload seeing as that damned boss of his keeps trying to pile projects on him so he can’t go to sleep until he’s done. Well, technically he can’t go to bed because there is an unknown boy in his bed that is too skinny and too jumpy and too… insecure? He’s sure that if that kid wakes up to another man in his bed, he’s going to freak and Hongbin is not sure if he knows how to handle that.

Hongbin s around for his phone through the pillows and searches through his contact list. He's left with no choice. 

“Hakyeon hyung, I’m not coming in for work today.”

He braces himself for that familiar shriek. “What – ”

“Okay yeah that’s it. I'll get back to you. Bye.”                          

He rubs his eyes and crunches his neck, standing up to make himself another cup of coffee when he realizes that the boy is awake. On the floor. In his living room. Kneeling.

Hongbin stops in his tracks, heart almost jumping out of his chest from the shock, staring dumbly at the hunched figure because he has no idea what to do.

“You scared me.”

“I’m sorry, sir.” Hongbin didn’t think it was possible but the boy’s head ducks down further.

Sanghyuk can smell the expensive fabric softener in the shirt he’s wearing. His clothes, he thinks, over and over, these are Sir’s clothes. The knowledge means nothing to him. He can smell part of the house in them, and the thought of wearing the clothes of someone who will end up hurting him should have repulsed Sanghyuk – but it doesn’t. Be grateful, be grateful, be grateful he reminds himself.

“Um…” Hongbin says hesitantly.

“Sir,” The kid replies, eyes not looking up from the floor.

“Could you please, um, stand up?” This situation was awkward and uncomfortable. This is not what he imagined introducing himself to the boy would be like. He expected everything (rebelliousness, cheerfulness, hostility) and anything but this.

There’s a pause and the boy rises gracefully to his feet, still not looking up.

“I’m Lee Hongbin.” The tension still hung in the air so he continues, trying to break the ice. “I’m - um - 22? I’m a photographer working for a magazine. What’s your name?”

“Sanghyuk, Sir. Han Sanghyuk. I'm 17, Sir.”

“Nice to meet you, Sanghyuk.” Hongbin almost extends a handshake but he’s not sure if Sanghyuk is ready for skin contact yet. “Um… Would you like breakfast?”

“If you think it’s necessary, Sir.” Sanghyuk says, stoic.

Necessary? Since when was eating not a basic right anymore?

“I’ll go prepare breakfast. Just… wait for me here, alright?” Hongbin awkwardly walks off to the kitchen, bewildered by how odd the boy was.

***

Hongbin comes out 10 minutes later with two bowls of porridge with the kid still standing at the exact spot, hands by his side, head subserviently cast downwards.

“What are you still doing there?” Hongbin tries to sound as gentle and non-accusatory as possible but he’s not sure if he’s good at that.

“You told me to wait, Sir.” Sanghyuk replies and Hongbin doesn’t think he’s trying to play smart.

Hongbin rubs his face with his hands. “I meant – Okay never mind. Just come and eat, alright?”

Sanghyuk walks quietly to the table and sort of hovers before starting to sink to the floor. Hongbin jumps up and grabs his arm. Sanghyuk wants to flinch but doesn’t because don’t you ever dare flinch from me you belong to me you are nothing how dare you flinch you worthless piece of .

“No one um – kneels. Not in this house.” Hongbin’s voice snaps him out of his thoughts and Sanghyuk has to remind himself that Hongbin is Hongbin. “Please, just sit down.”

Hongbin is not Moonhyuk. Hongbin is starting out nice. Moonhyuk was cruel from the start.

Remember the differences, Sanghyuk. Remember. Before you get punished.

Sanghyuk sits, letting out a shaky breath. Except his hands are facing upwards on his lap and he’s not even looking at the food. Hongbin can’t even get angry because Sanghyuk just looks so small and vulnerable. He feels like Sanghyuk is hardly his own person anymore, needless to say a teenager.

“Please eat, Sanghyuk.”                

Sanghyuk does and Hongbin starts to think that maybe Sanghyuk wouldn’t know how to and wouldn’t do anything he wasn’t told to. 

The boy slowly picks up his spoon and digs into the thick porridge. Hongbin starts eating too, thinking of ways to start a conversation. A few seconds later, however, Hongbin notices that Sanghyuk only eats right after he does and he feels the sides of his lips pulling downwards. 

“You can eat freely, you know that right?” Hongbin says, forcing a smile. “Your food is getting cold.”

So Sanghyuk eats. And he eats like someone is going to take the food away from him, shoveling porridge continuously into his mouth and scrapes the bottom of the bowl when he’s done. Sanghyuk suddenly feels so hungry all of a sudden, like his stomach finally knew what it was like to finally be at least half-full. His brain is screaming out for more but he bites his tongue.

“You must be really hungry, huh?”

Sanghyuk doesn’t look up. “Thank you, Sir.”

“Um,” Hongbin starts and strangely enough, Sanghyuk tenses up. “You don’t have to call me sir, you know. I'm 5 years older than you but it's alright - just call me hyung.”

“Yes Si –” Sanghyuk pinches his thigh, twisting the flesh until it starts to burn. “Yes hyung.”

“You’re really formal for a kid your age, you know.” Hongbin eats, swallows, and then glances at Sanghyuk. “Why were you out in the rain last night anyway?” 

Sanghyuk almost jumps out of his chair, sinking to his knees and starts to press his palms and forehead against the floor.

“I’m sorry Sir.” Sanghyuk gives in to his instincts; suddenly Hongbin is Moonhyuk and Moonhyuk is Hongbin and ohmygod he can’t tell the difference anymore. He’s dropping into a space of his own. “I ran away from my previous owner because it was so, so – You can do whatever you – you want with me, I swear. Just – Just – Just don’t make me go – go back. Don’t send me back – please.”

“I’m sorry, Sir”s just keep buzzing at the back of his head, in his ears, every fiber of his body, and Sanghyuk isn’t sure what he’s saying. His lips are just moving – they never stopped – but he doesn’t hear himself because he knows what’s coming next.

“Stand up. Sanghyuk, stand up right this moment.” Hongbin says sternly and with a voice so commanding, Sanghyuk can’t not hear it.

Sanghyuk rises to his feet, his entire body shaking and he doesn’t know how to make it stop. He thinks about everything he did wrong ever since he came to this house – wetting the floor, sleeping on a bed he did not deserve, not waking up early enough, eating so quickly, disobeying sir – and maybe if he weren’t so messy, so repulsive, then –

“Look at me.” Hongbin lifts Sanghyuk chin until their eyes meet.

The world is suddenly sharp – clear to Sanghyuk and his brain miraculously is able to tell the difference between Moonhyuk and Hongbin. Hongbin has well-defined lines. Hongbin has strong eyes and double eyelids. Hongbin has curly hair. Hongbin’s forehead is covered. Hongbin has thin lips. Moonhyuk doesn’t have any of those things. And Sanghyuk forces himself to tell the difference. He can’t mess up again.

But he can’t stop shaking because he knows that this is just the start. The start of the ruthless ing and the hours of no release even if he begs and begs and begs. It’s going to happen. He knows all of that but he forces his eyes to keep still even if his stomach is flipping and food is rising up his throat because Hongbin hasn’t told him to stop looking.

In the darkest part of his mind, he wonders if this man is looking so intensely at him because he has some sort of interest in blinding his toys. Sanghyuk doesn't think he can live without his eyesight.

“Calm down.” Hongbin says softly, placing his hands on the boys’ shoulders. “Breathe, Sanghyuk. Close your eyes. Just breathe.”

Sanghyuk doesn’t close his eyes but Hongbin waits until Sanghyuk starts to calm down, until he’s not shaking anymore. “I need you to be honest with me, okay? You don’t have to tell me everything so just tell me if you feel uncomfortable and I’ll stop, okay?”

Sanghyuk almost starts to panic again because what the hell is he doing but catches himself right before he goes off the edge. “Okay.”

“Where are your parents?”

“I don’t have parents, hyung.”

Hongbin realizes that Sanghyuk is using “hyung” as a title and not as a term of endearment but if Sanghyuk isn’t freaking out then he supposes everything can’t be that bad. Except everything is getting complicated and he knows that something big – something wrong is going on here.

“So who were you with before you, um, ran away?”

“My owners.” Sanghyuk’s voice drops to a whisper so soft, Hongbin almost didn’t hear the next part. 

“What… What did they do? To you.” Hongbin doesn’t want to hear the answer but he does at the same time.

“They – they touched me. And – sold – and – and took – they took photos. A lot of – A lot of photos.” Sanghyuk is still looking into Hongbins’ eyes. 

ography? ? Kidnapping? What?

Hongbins’ knees go weak but he clenches his jaw because he can’t not be strong right now. Hongbin wants to think that Sanghyuk is lying. That this is all just a cruel joke conjured by a group of bored teenagers. But the emptiness he saw in the boy’s eyes –

“Okay, well, I won’t send you back. I promise. I’m so sorry they did that to you.”

Sanghyuk doesn’t say anything but looks at Hongbin’s eyes. In that moment Sanghyuk feels like dying. Because Hongbin is so undeniably beautiful (the most beautiful person he has ever seen) and he is nothing. Because Hongbin’s eyes look like the sea right now and he feels like he’s drowning. 

“We’ll stop talking about it now. Can I hug you?” Hongbin knows that startling the kid would be the worst thing to do right now so he makes a mental note to inform Sanghyuk of everything he’s about to do before doing it. 

Sanghyuk tenses up a bit but nods, almost yearning it, but at the same time still knowing that he doesn’t deserve it. Hongbin pulls the boy closer to him and wraps his arms around the kid. God couldn’t they at least feed him?

“We’ll figure this out together.” Hongbin says.             

Sanghyuk is in between dissociating and staying present because he's so scared when Hongbin lets go (because his skin is starting to burn and itch) and he couldn’t be more thankful. He doesn’t think he would ever be comfortable with skin contact ever again but as long as it doesn't hurt, then he guesses that it could one day be bearable. He doesn’t have to think about how Hongbin might – or will hurt him, because at least for now he can enjoy the fact that Hongbin is not being cruel, even if it’s just for a little bit.