Original Prompt: Sitiophobia

From: tumblr - peperoprincess

Note: Sitiophobia - fear of eating.

It was the sound of movement in the apartment that woke him, the noises too loud in his ears. Taeil groaned, rolling over to his side, blinking blearily at the wall of pale curtains that surrounded him. He felt like he’d been sleeping for days, and he could still use more. With the racket the others were making, though, it didn’t seem like that would be an option.

With a sigh, he eased himself up to a sit, closing his eyes tight against the wave of dizziness that rolled over him. At least Kyung had left the lights off, this time, and he didn’t have to immediately deal with the bright florescent glow.

The light from his phone, however, when he checked the time, wasn’t so kind.

And he had definitely slept through the day.

Before one of the group could come in to wake him, he extracted himself from the tangle of blankets, pulled back one side of the heavy curtain, and wobbled to a stand, head pounding when he moved too quickly.

Getting dressed was a workout in itself, trying to stabilize himself when his balance gave out and tried to send him falling into the furniture.

“Hyung! You’re awake!” Jihoon’s cheerful voice when he finally left his room was too loud, booming uncomfortably in his ears. He tried not to wince.

"H-ey…" His voice cracked, throat dry. 

"You sound awful," Kyung noted, pushing past him into the kitchen, "You look even better."

Taeil bit back his response, turning and slipping into the bathroom instead, turning on the tap and splashing water on his face. It was less than helpful in waking him, and what little made it past his lips tasted unpleasantly of the metal pipes it had run through.

"You’re awake just in time for dinner," The youngest spoke, quieter this time, smiling apologetically as Taeil stepped back out into the hall, "Everyone came over tonight, too."

Glancing past him to the living room where the others were laying out their meal, Taeil felt his stomach flip, a small grimace forming on his face, “Oh. I wish I’d known. I actually… was planning on going out tonight.”

He hoped the excuse wasn’t too obvious, but still felt bad about it when he saw the way Jihoon’s face fell. He didn’t want to disappoint the kid, but… he really couldn’t bring himself to stick around.

"What are your plans?" Asked Minhyuk, who was just returning to the living room from their small kitchen area, "Do you have a date or something?"

Taeil frowned at him, mouth opening before he could stop himself, “No!”

Damn. That would have been a good excuse, too.

"So what are you doing that you can’t stay?"

"…Errands."

"Can’t you do them tomorrow?"

Why did Minhyuk have to be so nosy? “No. I should have done them yesterday, actually.” Yeah. That sounded believable. “I’m really sorry.”

Jihoon nodded, a forced smile on his face, “That’s okay, hyung. Next time we’ll let you know first,” and then he was turning and joining the rest of them in the living room.

It was Minhyuk’s turn to frown then, and he headed to the door, grabbing his jacket and slipping on his shoes, Taeil blinking confusedly at him, “Well? Come on, I’ll go with you.”

"That’s… that’s okay, you don’t have to. Stay and …have dinner."

"I’m not really hungry. Besides, errands go faster with two people, right? Or at least they’re not as boring."

And so, thirty minutes later, he found himself wandering through the streets with Minhyuk in tow, trying his best to seem like he had an actual destination for his evening outing. The sun setting hadn’t slowed the bustle of people, groups of friends and couples chatting, laughing, disappearing and reappearing through the doors of restaurants and convenience stores.

Turning down onto another, even more crowded street, Minhyuk fell into step beside Taeil, nudging him with his elbow and pointing over to a busy food cart, a warm, delicious smell saturating the air “Want to get something to eat on the way?”

Taeil glanced in the direction the taller man indicated, and back, feeling queasy even at the suggestion, “I’m not hungry. Just woke up and all…”

"You know if there’s something bothering you, you can tell us, right?"

He tried to make his misstep less obvious, adjusting his jacket and holding his arms closer to his side, “Huh? I know, of course.”

"I’m serious," Minhyuk paused, obviously waiting for Taeil to say something. When he didn’t, he sighed, "We’re not completely oblivious, you know. We’re worried about you. Jihoon especially."

Taeil laughed, shaking his head even though the motion made him feel like he was scrambling his brain, “I don’t know why. I’m fine.”

There was silence between them for several minutes, as they continued to walk.

"Please don’t lie to me," Minhyuk’s voice was quiet, tired, when he spoke again, "You haven’t eaten with us in weeks, and everyone can tell you’re not in good condition. You’re not, like, starving, are you?"

"Do I have to eat with you to be eating?" It came out harsher than he meant for it to, "We’ve been busy, no one is in their best condition."

Taeil’s pace picked up, Minhyuk dropping behind, following him through the streets as the silence dragged itself out again.

He gave up on trying to give himself a destination, instead taking turns at random and winding his way deeper into the city, sometimes through empty streets and sometimes through streets so packed he had to push through the crowd, until he found himself slowing as he entered a park.

He thought, for a moment, that he might have lost Minhyuk at some point, but the light scuff of shoes behind him gave him away.

"It’s not your fault, you know," The other man’s voice was clear despite its volume, just above a whisper.

The words felt like a punch in the gut, knocking the wind out of him and stopping him in his tracks.

Not his fault?

"We should have been paying more attention. I don’t think anyone realized…"

"Realized… what? That I was killing him? That I was draining every last drop of blood out of him?”

The memory, fresh as an open wound, had the bile rising in his throat and the world wobbling and spinning around him.

Not his fault?

Some kid was dead because he’d been a little bit too hungry. How was that not his fault?

There was an arm around his shoulders right as he felt himself about to drop, Minhyuk supporting his weight and holding him up on unsteady feet like it was nothing.

"That wasn’t your fault. You were… still new. And exhausted. We weren’t paying attention. You couldn’t have stopped on your own.”

Taeil shoved uselessly at the other man, only to have to grab on to his jacket to keep himself from falling, “I could have. I could have and I didn’t.”

"No. You couldn’t have. That’s on us, not on you. If we had taken better care of you, at the beginning, you wouldn’t have even been in that position.”

They were sitting on a bench.

When did they get to a bench?

Taeil felt all his energy slipping away from him, elbows on his knees and hands barely supporting his head, Minhyuk still holding tight to his shoulders.

"Taeil… it’s our fault that happened. And now…” He sighed, “And now you’re not eating at all, and Jihoon thinks it’s his fault, because it was his idea to turn you, and Jiho’s barely holding it together because he’s supposed to be the leader. And none of that is your fault. We’re all just… really worried about you.”

He didn’t say anything, couldn’t have even if he’d wanted to. He didn’t feel strong enough to draw in the air and force it out as words. They probably would have sat there indefinitely, if Minhyuk’s phone hadn’t started buzzing in his pocket.

"…They got the couple from tonight back to their apartment," Minhyuk offered, squeezing Taeil’s shoulder lightly, "Do you want to head back now?"

Taeil could only nod, standing with Minhyuk’s assistance and taking a long moment to get steady on his feet again.

Minhyuk kept him steady as they made their way slowly out of the park, and flagged down a taxi once they got to the street.

Settled into the back seat, the protective arm remained around Taeil’s shoulder as he sagged into the leather.

"It’ll be okay. We’re here for you. We’ll do better."