Title [3/5]

I didn't completely understand the title. Primary means the most important, an adjective. Secondary means the follow-up of something primary, also an adjective. "The Primary; The Secondary" doesn't really make sense because it just says the adjective, nothing else. It wasn't very appealing to the eye either.

Description/Foreword [6/10]

Again, it doesn't make much sense. You talk about primary and secondary as if they are nouns. Maybe some research? Your story is so far very confusing, but I hope you will clear it up as I read on.

Characterization [19/20]

In the first chapter, I was extremely confused with all of the character's relationships with each other, but in the second chapter, you cleared up the confusion. I only have one question now– who is Krystal? In real life, Krystal and Jessica are siblings, but it seems in this fan fiction, they are friends. You should describe this more in the next update.

Plot/Originality [20/20]

I don't think I have ever read a fic like this, so I applaud you for this. It was very different from what I usually read, and it's a refreshing difference. I really like it, though. Instead of being the usual cliché romance stories, this is more of a sibling love. I admire you for doing such a different plotline.

Mechanics (Grammar, Spelling & Punctuation) [2/5]

Your use of words was very different. At some points, I had to actually stop reading and search up the definition of a word. I spotted many grammar mistakes in this fic, though.

I almost choked on the kimbab in my mouth when the vibrating phone buzzed in my ear; vexing the placidness in our dormitory – I almost choked on the kimbab I was eating when my phone vibrated and buzzed in my ear, vexing the placidness in our dormitory.

In this situation, you cannot use the semicolon. A semicolon is only used for a relating sentence supporting another sentence, then you combine it together. But, "vexing the placidness in our dormitory" is but a sentence fragment– a comma will work better in place of a semicolon.

Reader's Response [4/5]

I scrolled down to the comments section and a lot of them were "update soon!" or their feelings on the chapters. I was surprised that many of them felt the same things as me. You just might want to adjust the title or the foreword to make it less confusing for a first-time reader.

Overall Enjoyment [9/10]

I really enjoyed it. It was just a bit confusing with the grammar and the whole primary and secondary events. Overall, it's a great story and should be more famous. The ending was a cliffhanger, too. Cliffhangers are something readers pretend to despise, but will have them begging for more.

Total : 63/75