Chapter 12: My love for you

Listen 2 SHINee – 화살 (Quasimodo)

 

 

~Recap~

 

 

She raised her head and took a deep breath as exchanging glances to me. I can see her tired eyes accentuate her small face. Sweat covered her forehead.

 

 

For the last time she look at me with a soft look.

 

 

“__-ssi…”

 

 

~End of Recap~

 

 

“We’re really sorry, we’ve done our best.”she said as leaving me dumbfounded.

 

 

I can hear a gasp from behind me, but I couldn’t care less.

 

 

My mind feel like it’s stop working. The time seems stop tickling. My surrounding seems stop moving. A heart seems to stop…but not mine, other heart is.

 

 

“__-ah…”I can feel Dongwoon’s hand supporting my limp body. Far away, I could hear Jonghyun’s mom faint sniff.

 

 

Dongwoon suddenly hug me tightly, unable to know why I look over his shoulder.

 

 

A bed with a covered body just rolled out from the surgery room, I immediately struggle to let go from Dongwoon’s grasp. “Don’t __-ah.”Dongwoon faintly said as i still trying to break free from Dongwoon’s grasp.

 

 

When he loosing his grasp, I immediately break free from him and run to chase for Jonghyun after giving Dongwoon an apologetic look.

 

 

~~

 

 

I was sure he was bring here, but I see no sign of him.

 

 

“Jonghyun-ah…”I muttered in a barely audible voice.

 

 

“__-ah, he’s gone. Let him go.”I sharply turn my body to the source of the voice.

 

 

“He.Is.Not.Dead!”I said through my gritted teeth.

 

 

“Yeah, he’s not dead. That’s make you better?”Dongwoon said as walking to me while I took a step back each time he stepped closer to me.

 

 

“Why are you being like this? You’re his friend!”I said, tone getting higher in the end.

 

 

“I know you’re sad, but doing this just make you hurt yourself. Saying all the lies, when the truth is…he’s already gone.”Dongwoon said as i covered my ears, trying to ignore his words.

 

 

“Please __-ah. I’m begging you. We all lost him, not just you. But behaving like this after he’s gone is not right. It’s like you’re trying to deny the reality.”Dongwoon said as i drop my hands at my side and hung my head low.

 

 

“I’m s-sorry.”I stuttered as he start to hug me warmly. I can feel my tears starting to burst as he hug me tighter.

 

 

“Ssh, don’t cry. Don’t cry.”he said as hugging me tightly and caressing my hair. But I couldn’t do anything other than cry now. All of this were just too much for me. Even though I couldn’t change anything that happening right now, I still cry my heart out.

 

 

“Dongwoon, i-i..”was the last words I said before darkness consume my consciousness.

 

 

Dongwoon’s POV

 

 

“Dongwoon, i-i..”she said faintly before falling down on my arm.

 

 

I put aside my panic feeling before I took a deep breath as swiftly carring her in my arm, bridal style.

 

 

I quickly run to the front before meeting Dr. Jung on my way. She immediately help me lay __ down and she said she’ll take care of her before bringing her to  E.R. I carefully trailed behind her.

 

 

~~

 

 

“She was just too tired. Everything that she thinks make her mind go overworked and she just need some rest here. If she wakes up today, she may come home tomorrow.”Dr. Jung said after examining __. I just sigh in relieve that she don’t have some serious illness.

 

 

“You should rest too Dongwoon-ssi. You must be tired after helping the Kims on Jonghyun’s funeral.”she said as walking out from the room.

 

 

I just notice I’m still wearing my funeral outfit. Yes, just this morning Jonghyun is buried down to his future home.

 

 

__ must be feeling so sad that she miss Jonghyun’s funeral.

 

 

After changing to some comfortable clothes, I go to sit beside __’s bed.

 

 

I held her cold hand in mine and gently caressing it with my thumb.

 

 

“Please wake up __-ah. I got to accomplish my promise to Jonghyun.”I softly said as staring at her angelic little face.

 

 

~~

 

 

It was about midnight when is can see __ slowly waking up. Her big eyes fluttered open as looking around the dim room.

 

 

She bring her hands to her head, maybe feeling slightly dizzy.

 

 

She give me a questioned look when she finally realize my presence on the room.

 

 

“Where am i?”she said as sitting on her bed.

 

 

“You’re in hospital. Been unconscious since yesterday.”

 

 

“Then I must be missing Jonghyun’s funeral.”she said as her eyes getting teary at the word ‘Jonghyun’.

 

 

“__-ah. I’ve got something for you.”I said as handing her Jonghyun’s letter. I always keep it with me since the day he gave it to me.

 

 

“What is it?”she said as examining the plain white envelope.

 

 

“Just read it, i’ll call the nurse for your condition.”I said as raising from my seat as letting go of our interwinded hands.

 

 

Before stepping out from the room, I took a last glance to her as giving her a reassuring smile.

 

 

Your POV

 

 

After Dongwoon out from my room, I solely open the white envelope.

 

 

Opening the paper I can recognize the handwriting. It’s the one thing i remember from him.

 

 

“Jonghyun…”again, i feel like crying whenever I said his name.

 

 

(The letter)

 

 

To: __, my love

From: Jonghyun, your best friend

 

 

Hi __-ah, if you’re reading this letter, I probably can’t be by your side anymore.

__-ah, I want you to take care of youself when i’m gone, i want you to live happily and found your love in this life.

__-ah, i got to say, the only things that keep me fighting for my life was you.

I feel so shamed when I can’t even tell you that I love you with the rest of my heart.

I just like the starlights that hidden behind the cold clouds.

Because in the end, this painful confession will end in tears.

__-ah, even if I can’t have you, I will always love.

If there are a place that I can be so I can look over you, I’ll always be there.

Because you’re my everything.

I do many things for you, but you still won’t realize my love.

But I can’t blame you for this.

At least I know, the one that you love will love you back with his heart.

When you already happy and doesn’t even remember me, please just remember my love for you.

__-ah, I just want you to know by this letter that you were never be a burden to me.

Even if it’s hurt and it bring me tears.

I will still love you __-ah.

 

 

By the end of the letter, I finally realize that tears already pour down my cheeks.

 

 

How could I be so stupid! All the smile that you flashed for me, all the effort that you do to make me laugh is just waste for nothing.

 

 

How could I be so heartless to him. He was the only one that would accompany me when it’s dark and cold. He was the only one that would lead me to light when I’m lost.

 

 

Jonghyun…

 

 

For the first time in my life I realize that I always need you

 

 

And from now on i’ll try to not to cry over you.

 

 

Because your love for me will never deserve my tears.

 

 

I’ll continue my life that you left with all the love that you give.

~~

 

Huaah! finally comes to an end...

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