AWKWARD
I'M GOING CRAZY.. BECAUSE OF YOU..(너 때문에 미쳐)
HYUNSEUNG POV
it's been a week already since Junhyung and me have stopped talking to each other, Our relationship grew even worse, he started ignoring me, he wouldn't even look at me and when we're together, he would sat far away from me. It hurt to see him acting like this; and I don't know why but I do not want him to hate me... *sigh* who am I lying, of course I know why...
I love him, and I know he loves me too... But why does it have to be so difficult... why can't we just be together? Why...
I glanced at kikwang and dongwoon, they both look very affectionate. I'm glad the misunderstanding between us is over, it was good for them... but, between me and junhyung .. now .. why we become so distant.
sometimes I'm afraid he would hate me. That's why I decided to stay away from him, so he won't get hurt when he sees me.
I sighed softly. My breath feels tight and heavy just because I was thinking about him.
"Are you okay?" doojoon asked me, I nodded.
"I'm fine" I said softly, Doojoon watched my face carefully.
"But your face is so pale, you better get some rest, I will tell manager hyung, you can't join our press conference today.." he said, sounding worried, I shook my head.
"Ani.. I'm fine" I said again, doojoon finally nodded, not wanting to force me anymore.
I lowered my face, my head aches and my body is very weak. It's been several days that I can't get to sleep; my mind is always focused on Junhyung, I want to apologize and explain everything, but... How could I do it if he doesn't even look at me?
"You sit beside junhyung, ne?" I just nodded. and walked to our seats, I stared at Junhyung who was already there and slowly sat beside him. He didn't look at me, I sighed and smiled bitterly, for some reason we became so awkward.
"Ufffhhh .. finally over .. " exclaimed yoseob with happy face while holding Doojoon's hand.
"Neh~ let's go to lunch"said Doojoon.
"Ani... I'll go home first. Just go without me, okay?" I said quietly, all eyes on me now.
"What is it? yahh, seungie-ah.. your face looks so pale! I told you that you should rest, but you're too stubborn" said doojoon hyung. I know he was worried, but just smiled at him.
"ani.. Gwaenchana"
"But..."
"Hyung I'm fine ... okay, you guys go to lunch, I will be waiting at home ..arasseo " I said reassuringly, Doojoon finally nodded. I glanced towards Junhyung who was also looking at me, his face looks worried, but why? ...
I'm too tired to care.
"Then we'll go first, hyung. You should rest and don't try to do something that makes you tired... we'll bring you some food later" said dongwoon still with a worried look, I smiled at him, then nodded.
I sighed when they've left me.
"I just want to be alone" I whispered to myself.
*****************************
Junhyung pov
What's wrong with him, he looked very pale, Could it be that he's sick? is he really ok?
"Hyung ...!" I startled, realize kikwang was calling me.
"Ah .. .. ne wae ..??" I asked nervously, kikwang looked at me annoyed.
"I've called you many times but it seems that you didn't hear me...your food will be cold if you don't eat it fast " he grumbled, I just laughed nervously.
"What's wrong..??" doojoon asked me, I shook my head.
"Nothing .." I replied, doojoon just nodded and turned to his food again.
I glanced towards kikwang and dongwoon, I was quite shocked when they revealed their relationship to us,
And who wouldn't be.. we knew he was dating hyunseung, but now he is dating kikwang... and dumped hyunseung.
Hyunseung... I was very worried about him at that time, but I was relieved when I saw his face. He seemed to be really happy with KIWOON relationship, so it means he's okay.... but .. why would he be okay? wasn't that his boyfriend the one who was taken by someone else? he should be mad, angry, sad... I'm glad he's not, but why was he so happy about that?
Huuuhh .... And again ..
It's been one week since we had that fight. We did not talk to each other, nor did he ever look at me, the awkward atmosphere between us is also increasing rapidly, I feel nervous when I'm close to him, I feel that I'm gonna hurt him and make him cry again.
And I know it's all my fault...
I hurt him, scolded him, accused him, I even forced him, I hurt him when I should make him happy, just because of jealousy... It's fine if he asked dongwoon to give him a kiss, because dongwoon is... was his boyfriend, but because of my selfishness I hurt him again.
Sometime I think that I'm the cause of their break up, I think it's becaus of me that Dongwoon and Hyunseung have decided to end their relationship,
and that means.. I've really hurt him, ahh .. how it ..
I didn't dare to see him, I felt bad when I saw his face that looks so sad, I was hurt when I saw him, but I never dared to apologize... well... I'm a coward .. it's absolutely right...!!!, I didn't dare to apologize, I didn't dare to face the reality that he will be more hates me.
I don't even dare to say that I love him, and if he would say something, I'll try not to hear it, because I'm afraid he'll say something that could hurt me, well..yeah.. I'm a coward.
I glanced back towards kikwang and dongwoon, they're all lovey dovey. Then I turnet towards yoseob and doojoon ..and of course ..they are more lovey dovey... I could see little heart coming trhough their eyes.
I sighed softly.
"seungie are you okay...??" I mumbled quietly
"Ne?" I gasped, when I that they were staring at me.
"Ani ah ... ehmm hyung .. could I go home first,.. I want to see hyunseung hyung .. " I said nervously.
"Ne ..alright.. " doojoon hyung said softly.
"Yapz .. he's taken care of you when you're sick.. now it's time for reciprocation .. " yoseob said with a smile, I smiled back.
"Ne .." I nodded and started to stand, but dongwoon hold my hand, I looked at him surprised.
"Ehmm ..we have to talk hyung .. " he said, and pulled me out, I turned towards kikwang, doojoon and yoseob who looked at us quizzically
"Well .. let me go .. " I said annoyed and pulling my hand from dongwoon, dongwoon turned and look at me.
"Hyung .. do you love hyunseung hyung? I mean, do you still love him?" he asked without strings attached, I was paused looked at him
"I ..."
"Just answer .."
"What do you want to hear?" I asked, annoyed. He broke up with Hyunseung, so my feelings on Seungie are none of his business. Seungie doesn't belong to him anymore.
"I want to hear an honest answer. Do you still love him or not?" he asked sharply, I clenching my hand to hold my anger.
"I guess it's none of your business .." I replied sarcastically
"It's my business .." I widen my eyes and looked at him sharply
"How it could be a concern of yours ..??"
"Because I don't want to see him crying and hurt Because of you again ..." he replied. I felt my anger mounting.
"what the hell.. do you mean ..??!!"
"Yes .. I don't want him to cry and get hurt again, if you love him, tell him you love him .. don't even make him cry like this .. you .. "
"Look who's talking. YOU are the one who made him cry ..how could you leave him and go out with kikwang?!" I replied sharply, dongwoon was silent staring at me, but shortly he smiled bitterly.
"So that's true.. what he said to me ..you are stupid .. very stupid and dumb and stupid again.. I want to kill you... no wonder he hates you .. no wonder he was always crying because of you .. no wonder he chose me than you .. " he said, shaking his head and walked away, I was stunned to hear his words.
"And .." I turned toward dongwoon who was talking without willing to look at me.
"You should know.. he never loved me .. he loves you hyung ..only you.. " he said quietly and went off.
I stood stiffly to hear his words.
"Hyunseung loves me ..??, how can ..??.. is that true ..??, he really loves me ..??.." I clenched my fists and stared at the sky.
if that's true..so ..My love isn't one side anymore..??, he loves me...! hyunseung loves me ... oh my god..!!
I have to make sure, I have to confirm it now.
I immediately stepped my feet, as fast as I could to see him, I want to see his face, make him stop crying, laughed and smiled at me again.
I'll see him and reveals everything to him.
everything... including my feelings ..
that .. I love him.
TBC
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Tsuki : I will update if you're not busy..okeweehhh ^___^
Zombie Tsuki: Annyoog~~~~ *waves hand weakly* Finally, friday... my favorite day.... I'm free... but the homowork is there again... well, I least I got 97/100 in my presentation :D and this week is gonna be easy... I see it... anyway, don't worry, just update and tell me. I'll make time, ;D
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