Chapter 9

Taeyeon

I suddenly wake up from another nightmare. This time I dream about GD. He’s hitting me over and over again. I can’t breathe. He puts his hands around my neck and squeezes. There’s sweat all over. I look around the room and notice it’s just me. It’s almost four in the morning. Great, I can’t get anymore sleep. I start stretching and put on my hoodie and sneakers. I need fresh air. I walk outside and sit down on a bench near the building.

The bench is old and made of stone. I sit down and feel the cold against my body. I put my hands down on the bench and look up to the sky, 

“Mom? Are you there?” I start to say, “I don’t know what to do Mom. I’m so scared. You said you’ll always be there when I need you well I need you now. Please show me a sign.” I close my eyes and feel the quietness of the night. There’s nothing but silence. I start crying again when all of a sudden I feel arms around my shoulders. I open my eyes and look up.

Sehun.

“Hey what are you doing out here?”

“Oh hi, I couldn’t sleep. I like to come out and talk to my mom. Want to sit down with me?”

Sehun takes a seat next to me and rests his hand on my knee. We sit there together, neither of us saying anything. I like sitting here with him. It’s peaceful out. I look up and see him looking back at me. We share a smile. It’s one of those smiles that let you know everything will be ok. I head back to my room after spending most of the morning with Sehun. We didn’t say too much but didn’t have to.  I take a shower and get ready for my eight a.m. English class. I’m never a girl who puts on a ton of make up or wears flashy clothes but for some reason today I want to dress up and look nice. I consider myself a pretty girl. I’m 5’5, black hair, brown eyes, a soft complexion.

I blow-dry my hair and start putting soft curls in. My long black hair is easy to curl and I love how it shapes my face. I put on some black eye shadow, black eye liner and bronzer. My skin is naturally pale. Satisfied with my hair and makeup I go to my closet and start rummaging through my clothes. Finally I find a pair of Guess black skinny jeans, a white fitted tank top and a Chanel black blazer. I take one final look at myself in the mirror; pickup my Chanel purse and books and head to class.

It’s a short walk to class and for some reason I have the biggest smile on my face. I make it to class with still five minutes to spare and take a seat. I’m getting my papers out and trying to prepare myself for my oral presentation when Sehun comes to sit right next to me,

“Morning beautiful.”

I laugh, “Good morning. Thanks again for last night.”

He takes a sip of his coffee and I wish it were me his lips touched, “You’re very welcome but no need pretty girl.”

I can feel his eyes looking at me, staring. There’s a hurt expression on his face as if he wants to tell me something but instead holds back. I don’t know why he keeps looking at me like that. I’m not complaining by all means but it makes me nervous and shy. My whole body feels like Jelly. I don’t know why he has such a powerful effect on me but it’s making me feel like a little girl again.

“You look beautiful today but I’m sure that’s never a problem for you.”

“Sehun stop!” I lightly slap his arm and things are starting to feel comfortable again. “I’m not that beautiful.”

“I’d say so. You’ve been beautiful since you were in diapers Tae.”

“Sehun you’re making me blush stop.” I look back in his eyes and inside I’m crying for him to come back to me.

“So what about having breakfast with me today?” Sehun suggests.

Surprised at his question I don’t want to make it seem I’m too eager. “We’ll see.” Sehun stares at me again, “Why do you keep looking at me like that?”

He takes another sip and smiles, “Because you’re my pretty girl, onlu me.” That was his nickname for me when we were younger. It always made me feel special.

“Sehun stop, you’re embarrassing me."

“Trust me this isn’t anything. Just have breakfast with me.” The grin on Sehun’s face is priceless, I roll my eyes and nod my head yes.

“Alright see you after class,” he said and makes his way to the back of the room to sit with Kris. I look over and give Kris a wave. I turn back around and smile. I love having both of my favorite guys back in my life. They’re the missing pieces in my life and I slowly start to feel complete. I take out my phone and start to text the one person who I know will help me figure this out:

Me: Tiffany! 911!

Tiffany: What happened? You okay?

Me: Yeap! But Sehun asked me to go out to breakfast with him! Should I go??

Tiffany: Oh you two! I always knew you guys would find your way back to each other.

Me: You are NOT funny!”

Tiffany: Sweetie just go meet him and have fun!

Me: I don't know...

Tiffany: If you don’t then you’ll never know.

Dr. Kangta arrives to class and looks at all of us.

Me: g2g update you later babe!

“Alright class let’s get started, shall we? Miss Taeyeon please come up front and present us your piece.”

I slowly get up from my desk and start walking to the front of the class. I feel nervous and anxious to present my piece especially with who is in front of me. The task was to write something from the depths of our souls. We needed to release our deepest secret. I had a hard time with this assignment because I wasn’t sure how deep I wanted to go but, in some ways, I wanted him to know how I still feel. I love my creative writing class, It’s the only time I am able to express myself and my counselor thought it was a good class for me to take, and It’s an easy A. I want to be a writer, but business came so easy to me as well. I remind myself that I can do this and maybe Sehun won’t know I’m talking about him. I take a deep breath, turn around and start presenting my piece:

“The nights grow dark and cold as I remember how you smile. I remember all of our times together. There’s not a day that goes by when you’re not on my mind. You save me every day and I owe you so much.” I pause, taking a deep breath. I look up and see Sehun staring at me. “It was us against the world. You were my first love; my best friend but when the darkness knocked on my door, you left me alone. How could you leave when I gave you every piece of me?” 

Keep going Taeyeon. “ I told you things I never could tell anyone else. The night you left, I felt like you took a piece of my heart and I would never get it back until you came back into my life. Why did you come back? Why didn’t you ever try to contact me? Do you know what that did to me? Did you know what I did to myself? Years of silence, but then out of nowhere God gave you back to me. I can’t look at you without crying. The memories will always be in my heart. I saved you once; can you save me now? Can you save me from the darkness and bring back the light?”

There’s a weight that’s lifted from my shoulders. I feel better. A smile comes on my face as I look up and see everyone staring at me. Usually this would freak me out, but I’m calm. I feel his eyes on me and the sadness in me consumes my body. Sehun.

The way he looks at me makes me wonder if he knows I’m talking about him. It’s obvious and I think that’s what I want. We look at each other for a brief moment before I go back to my seat and hear Dr. Kangta congratulating me on my wonderful presentation.

The rest of class goes by in a blur and the next thing I know Dr. Kangta dismisses class. I get my things together and walk out to meet Sehun in the hall. When I get out in the hallway I notice Kris standing next to Sehun. 

“Hi Kris,” I wrap an arm around his waist and put my head on his chest. He’s a good five inches taller than me. He’s very attractive with his blonde hair and hazel eyes. I give him a quick squeeze and look up innocently at him, 

“Want to come with us and get breakfast?” I see his face scrunch as he’s thinking about whether or not to come.

Kris was really affected when I pushed them both out of my life. When his parents died he didn’t have anyone either until the Oh family's adopted him. Since that day, Sehun and Kris were brothers and best friends. Each time Sehun would come around, Kris would stay home. I didn’t understand why he avoided me but Adam said not to worry about it. I don’t remember how we became friends but once we did, it was an instant friendship. Kris helped me through a lot and always said that one day I’d be his sister. I thought that we’d be okay since we’ve talked and hung out a few times. But I know he’s scared like me and doesn’t want to get too close. I still hope he feels the same way. He looks down and eyes me with some resistance. Even after the few times we’ve hung out, he’s still feeling weird around me. I don’t blame him but I hope things will be ok soon.

“Only if you pay,” He replies.

I start laughing and take his hand in mine. It’s comfortable to be around him. As we walk ahead, I can feel his smile. We start walking over to the café in silence. I nudge Kris in the arm, 

“So what’s going on with you and Jess?”

“Ha ha real funny, I’m still mad at you.”

I pout, “I know you are and I’m really sorry.” I stop and turn him toward me. “You know leaving you was the hardest thing, but I had to do it. I wasn’t the same Taeyeon you knew and loved.”

“Love,” He said.

I look up at Kris, “Huh?”

“You said loved. I still do love you Tae. Just because you pushed me away doesn’t mean I left. I was just waiting for you to stop being a and realize it.” His voice was soft.

I feel the tears coming down from my eyes and jump into his arms. He holds me tight as if letting me go would be the biggest mistake. I whisper how much I miss him and that I am sorry. I promise never to leave him again and I can hear his breath hitch. I got the easy part of the way, now It’s time to get back Sehun.

“So touching you guys, now can we please eat, I’m starving.” Sehun pats Kris on the shoulder and we walk toward the cafe.

We make our way to the counter and put in our orders. I order a strawberry ice cream with hazel nuts, Kris orders a muffin and Sehun orders a breakfast sandwich. We find a table in the corner of the room and take a seat, 

“Alright so here we are,” I say, 

“I’m really sorry you guys for being such a .”

Kris smiles and eats his breakfast. Sehun looks at me but doesn’t say anything.

“Sehun...” I start to say.

Sehun interrupts me and I see him smiling. “Tae it’s been a long time and the times we’ve hung out have been great.”

“Yeah I know..." I’m waiting for him to tell me everything is a mistake and he doesn’t want to see me again.

“Let me finish.” He takes a bite of his sandwich. “It’s been a long time and I just want to say I’m sorry. I knew that leaving you would be the biggest mistake of my life. I regret it every single day and I wish I could take it back. But you scared me back then. You weren’t the same and I was too scared to try and break through to you.” 

He takes my hand into his, “I just want us to be friends again.”

There’s the key word, friends. My silly notion of us having our own happily ever after goes down the drain.

“Yeah I agree, friends.” I feel the pain in my heart again but ignore it. I should have known better, he doesn’t think of me that way. We start talking away and catching up on what we’ve all been up to. Time goes by so fast and it’s almost noon.

“Alright guys I got to go to work. But I’ll talk to you later, ok? I said.

“I’ll text you later,” I smile.

“I’ll be waiting,” Sehun replies.

The walk to the counseling center isn’t too far away. It gives me some time to think about the past few hours and how my life has gone back to the way I want it to be. I have my best friends back and I’m happy. I finally get to the counseling center and put my things down on my desk. There’s a beautiful array of pink and white lily’s sitting on my desk, 

“Oh my God what is this,” I softly say. I open the note that’s attached to the bouquet:

To the love of my life. I hope you have a great day today. I’ll be thinking of you. Can’t wait to see you tonight.

Yours,
GD

My heart races. My hands are clammy. I look around the room, but no one’s here except for me. What the is GD doing? Slowly I close my eyes and taking in a few deep breaths. I tell myself GD doesn’t control me anymore. I’m free from him and I need to move on with my life. I throw the letter away. I can’t believe he has the nerve to do this. Nothing is changing and I don’t want him back in my life. I look at the bouquet in disgust. There’s nothing GD can do to make me forgive him. I take the bouquet and throw them away.

“Now is that how you show your appreciation?”

I look up and see GD staring at me. I start panicking and remember I’m on campus in the counseling center with people all around. 

“GD, go away. Don’t send me anything because nothing will change.”

He put his forearms on the ledge and leans in closer, “You will be mine again,” he whispers.

I hate him. His eyes are dark and scary. I can’t believe I wasted my time with him. I regret each moment and want nothing to do with him. 

“GD I will never be yours again. Now please leave before I call security.” I can’t help but notice the smirk on his face as though he doesn’t believe me. I pick up the phone and he starts to back away. 

“You’ll be back.” He leaves and I sit back down in my chair. I can’t deal with this bull anymore. I get to work and try to forget about him and our little encounter.

There aren’t any students this afternoon and work goes by so slow. I’m so bored and can’t wait to be done. I finish making all the copies I need and all the confirmations calls are done. I help run various groups we have on campus, but today isn’t very eventful.

“Taeyeon?”

I turn around, “Oh good afternoon Dr. Boa, how are you? Do you need anything?”

“No sweetie, but you didn’t get the message huh?” She laughs. 

“What message,” I slowly said.

“I cancelled all the appointments today because I’m on call at the hospital for my mom. I knew it wasn’t a good idea to be here when I had to be ready to go at a moment’s notice.”

“Oh gosh, no I didn’t know. I hope your mom is okay. Do you need anything?”

“No sweetie I’m fine but go home, do something fun today and we will reconvene at our next session.”

I start getting my things together, “Sounds good. I’ll keep your family in my prayers.”

“Thank you Taeyeon, that’s very sweet of you.”

I give her a quick hug and text Jessica to tell her to meet me for some girl time. When I get to my dorm, Jessica is waiting for me on my bed, 

“So you mind telling me what the hell is going on,” she asks.

My hands run over my face and start shaking my head, “Sehun wants to just be friends.”

“Well that’s better than nothing Tae.” Jessica’s tone seems hopeful but how can I picture my life with Sehun when all he wants is my friendship.

“Yeah I guess.” I sit on my bed and pull my legs in. “I want him to know how much I miss him.”

Jessica comes closer to me and puts her arm around me. “Let it work itself out babe. It’ll get there.”

I sigh. “Thanks for being here for me.”

She gives me a hug, “Always doll.”
I groan knowing that she’s right.

“Alright you are right. But can we get dinner I’m so hungry!”

* * * 

After dinner Jess and I decide it’s time to have some fun and to forget about all the drama. We walk to a nearby bar that is an all time favorite in town. It’s a bar and grill with TV’s all around playing all the major sport games. The patio is huge with tables and an outdoor bar. As we walk-in, I notice the bar is packed. We see Sehun and Kris playing darts. He’s here. I must have stopped breathing because Jessica starts laughing at me before leading me to the bar.

“Let’s do a quick shot!” I nod. I can’t get drunk but a few drinks won’t hurt. 

“Bartender two lemon drops!”

“You can’t let me get drunk, Jess!”

“Yeah we can’t get you drunk.” We both throw our heads back and laugh.

Last time I got drunk, it was my freshmen year, I was so mad with the world. I hated everyone. I tore my room apart. I nearly attacked Jessica. It was a bad situation and poor Jessica had to watch me break down so since that night, I have not drunk a drop.

The bartender brings our shots with some sugar packets. We pick up the glasses, the top of our hand and pour some sugar on, “Alright ready?”

“Ready!” We clink them together, the sugar and take the shot. The alcohol goes down smooth.

Jessica grabs my arm and pulls me toward Sehun and Kris. “Come on!” 

I freeze and pull my arm away. I scratch my head and point over to the TV. “Um don’t you want to watch the game?” Jessica wasn’t taking no for an answer. She takes my arm again and we walk over to the guys.

“Anyone up for a fun game,” Jessica walks over to Kris and puts her arm around his waist. I get shy again around him. I wish he would tell me he wants more. I’ve been thinking about how good we can be together. I look at him. He’s wearing light jeans with a ralph lauren white sweater and a black polo underneath. He always looks good. His hair is a little messy, I love when it’s like that. 

Sehun finishes his beer before walking over to me. Please, do not sound like an idiot. He puts his arm around my shoulders and brings me close to his body, 

“Hey you.”

“Hi.” I rest my head on his chest and close my eyes. He’s perfect. This is perfect.

“How was your day?”

“Better now.” He kisses the top of my head before going back to his game with Kris.

The rest of the night we’re laughing together and playing darts. It’s fun hanging out with everyone. We drink a little more but nothing crazy. Jessica and I take another shot before killing the guys at darts! The bartender calls for last rounds and we decide it’s time to head out before it gets wild. Sehun pays for our drinks before we head out. I watch as Kris and Jessica hold hands and walk in front of us. 

Sehun pulls me toward him again, “I think they’d be good together. He can’t stop talking about her.”

“Jess too, she likes him.” We walk out together when I feel my phone vibrating in my back pocket. I pull it out and see it’s a text message from GD.

GD: Having fun? You can try and hide from me but I’ll find you.

My body tenses. He’s here. I look around trying to find him. I know he’s here. I feel him. 

“Hey what’s wrong, Tae?” I turn back around and see Jessica holding onto my shoulders. Kris and Sehun are both looking at me. I don’t know what to say. I start shaking and hand my phone over to Jessica. She reads the message from GD but doesn’t say anything. 

“Hey it’s okay. Let’s go.”

We start walking back to campus when I feel him. I knew it. He’s never going to let me go. He’s never going to stop bothering me. 

“Taeyeon!”

I hold on tighter to Sehun and can’t turn around. I can’t face him.

“GD, leave now.” Jessica yells.

“Jiyong not tonight man. You’re drunk. Just walk away.” Sehun pulls me in closer.

“Oh I see what’s going on Sehub, you ing my girl?”

“She’s not your girl anymore. Just get out of here.”

“Is that what you want Taeyeon? You want me out of your life?”

I need to do this. I need to tell him again. He won’t leave me alone. I look at Jessica and she gives me a nod. I turn around and look at him. His eyes aren’t his anymore. I don’t know who he is but I don’t want him near me. I need to be strong and stand up for myself. What he did to me isn’t my fault. 

“GD, we aren’t together anymore. I don't want you in my life. Please leave me alone.” Sehun pulls me back toward him and doesn’t let me go. GD backs away and doesn’t say anything before leaving.

Jessica comes over to me and hugs me. “See you can do this. Just be strong.”

“You’re right. I can do this.” GD will not run my life anymore. I will get over him and move on with my life without him.

Kris walks Jessica back to her dorm. We give each other another hug before parting ways. Sehun takes my hand and we walk together. The silence between us is comfortable. I need it. I don’t want him to ask questions. Not tonight. When we get to my room, he looks at me and moves a piece of my hair from my face. 

“You’re so beautiful Taeyeon.”

“Sehun,” I bring myself to him and rest my head on his chest. I love this feeling. I love being so close to him. I feel his heart beating. 

“Thank you for tonight. You’re always saving me.”

“And that’ll never stop Taeyeon. I’ll always be here for you.” He rests his chin on top of my head and we stay like this for a while longer.”