Sungmin’s POV

Oh my... What actually happened?! Why Wookie cry?? There is something wrong going on but what? What is wrong? What happened to Ryeowook until he cried like this?? My mind kept wondering what was wrong with Wookie while I drove to his house. I did not say anything and just do what Ryeowook wanted but hear his sobs makes my heart hurt so bad and makes me want to force him to say what actually happened.

When finally I parked my car in Ryeowook’s garage, Ryeowook immediately jumped out and ran into the house and I immediately ran to follow him. I can’t stand to not know what really happened.

Ryeowook’s POV

I leave Sungmin Hyung’s car and ran into my house and went straight to my bedroom. I opened my door violently and slammed the door shut. I sat on the bed, holding my cellphone that was never stopped ringing since I left Kyuhyun’s house and incoming calls more often now. But I have no intention to answer the incoming calls even though there have been 12 missed calls and 3 voicemail. Because I don’t want to hear anything from him.

I tried to wipe away my tears but fresh tears soon filled my eyes again, making my efforts in vain until suddenly a pair of warm hands cupped my face.

“What happened, Wookie?” Sungmin Hyung asked softly but I just shook my head; don’t want to talk about what happened.

“You want to talk to Yesung? I’ll call him and he will come soon if you need to talk to him.” Sungmin Hyung said and once again I just shook my head.

“Why don’t you answer the call?” Sungmin Hyung stubbornly asked me while pointing to my cellphone which still ringing. “Don’t try to avoid answering my question with shake your head, or with not say anything. I need an explanation. Yesung probably will not force you to answer and give you time to yourself but I am different with Yesung. Now answer me.” Sungmin Hyung added, he said it gently but firmly at the same time.

“I..I just..I just feel stupid now, Hyung.” I said between sobs.

“Why?”

“Because...I..I give him a chance.”

“What?!”

“I..I’m so…I’m so stupid.. Why do I give him a chance?? Why…why I give up just because his words?? This is all just nonsense.. And..and now I have to accept the consequences for trust his words.”

“Wookie, what do you mean? What happened exactly?”

I took a deep breath before I said my answer. “I saw..I saw Kyuhyun and a girl kissing.”

“What??!!! Are you sure?”

“Yes..Yes Hyung.. And it hurts Hyung when..when I saw them..my heart really hurts...really hurts until now.”

Sungmin Hyung immediately hugged me after hearing my words, and I just cried on his shoulder. Let the sadness and pain in my heart came out. Image of Kyuhyun and the girl kissing come again and again in my mind, makes the pain that I feel more painful.

I don’t know how long I cried.

I could not stop crying.

The only person who can make me calm and I most need now is the same person who made me feel this pain. On one hand I really want to see him and be in his arms but on the other hand I really don’t want to see or hear anything from him.

My cellphone finally stopped ringing now. Maybe he gave up, or maybe he finally realized that it was time to finish the game. Yes, certainly like that, all this time he just thought this was a game, he just thought I was a toy. Yes, I’m really stupid to think someone as perfect as he would really have feelings for someone like me, a broken man with a dark and cruel past also has the curse of always losing those close to him.

I pushed Sungmin Hyung gently, I don’t want to be a burden for him, to someone I just met even though we feel like we know each other for a long time but still I don’t want to make him have a hard time because of me. I took a deep breath, trying to calm down and wiped my tears. I suppress my desire to keep crying, I have to look and sound like my condition better now.

“Hyung, thank you for all that you do.” I said hoarsely.

“It’s okay, Wookie.” Sungmin Hyung said while my hair, like what my Noona usually did. “Wookie... I know you’re sad and hurt right now, but I think you need to talk to him.”

“No, no. I don’t want to talk to him, Hyung.” I immediately rejected the idea from Sungmin Hyung.

“Wookie…”

“Hyung.. Please, let this alone. I’m fine now, so don’t worry.” I said before Sungmin Hyung could say anything more.

After that we were busy with our own minds, but then suddenly interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. Sungmin Hyung and I just stared at each other, confused who is coming. Then Sungmin Hyung gives me a sign to just wait in my room while he would see who was coming and walked out of my bedroom. But my curiosity made me finally followed him and went downstairs too.

Sungmin Hyung gave me a sharp look when he realized that I had to follow him, he wanted to say something to me but in the end he just kept walking to my front door because the sound of the doorbell is more noisy and sounded really desperate somehow.

“Wookie!! Open the door!!”

I froze where I was when I heard his voice. I just stood there in the last step of stair while Sungmin Hyung who is already holding the door knob also froze and immediately looked at me with widened eyes—I knew I had the same expression with Sungmin Hyung now.

“Wookie! Open the door! We need to talk!!” Kyuhyun’s voice heard again.

Sungmin hyung asked if he could open the door or not by pointing with his free hand to a doorknob that he holds in his other hand and I quickly shook my head. I don’t want to meet with Kyuhyun.

“Wookie!! I know you’re home and you can hear me! Open the door! We need to talk!” Kyuhyun still call me and talk to me.

I covered my ears with my hands—don’t want to hear anything from him. I want Kyuhyun let me alone. I want him out of my life. Hearing his voice just makes my heart feel more pain and make my efforts to hold back my tears began to fall apart bit by bit.

“Wookie! Open—”

“Kyuhyun just go, can’t you?! Leave me alone!!! I don’t want to see you or hear anything from you!! Just go now!!” I shouted, interrupted him—I’ve been on edge to cry again now.

“We need to talk!! I will not go anywhere before I talk to you!” Kyuhyun yelled back to me.

“I will not see you!! Go away!! And goodbye Kyuhyun...” After I said that, I immediately ran to my bedroom. I threw myself onto my bed and buried my face into the pillow to muffle my screams of frustration and also my sobs that represents the pain in my heart. In the end I was crying like crazy until I fell asleep.

Dear diary, today I found something terrible. It’s not like I never suspected about this before, because even though he says he loves me and he was right beside me, I still feel he has a great distance from me. He says he loves me but...

But he kissed another girl.

It really makes me feel hurts when I see it. I really hope it was a bad dream or a misunderstanding between us. So I gathered my courage to meet him and ask him. But my world that firstly felt beautiful, instantly crumble into a million pieces. All my hope that it was just a misunderstanding vanished and he simply said that he had been with her for three months.

I wanted to scream and slapped him hard but I can’t. I could only stand where I was and cried. I loved him too much. Now what should I do? I really love him. He says he loves me. We have a wonderful relationship and I trust him with all my heart, but what now?? He kissed the girl. He cheated on me with another girl. He makes my heart shattered into small pieces.

And the pain I feel now can’t be explained in words…

I open my eyes, awakened from my sleep that actually can’t say to be sleeping because I felt worsen and exhausted now. My sleep was filled with words of my Noona that I read in her diary—makes me more feel down and sad. The pain she felt at that time and what I feel now is the same, but I did not have the courage to face Kyuhyun like what my Noona did to his boyfriend. I’m afraid to experience what experienced by my Noona. I also learn don’t expect anything because I don’t want to feel more pain when my hopes destroyed later.

I got up from my bed and felt a bit dizzy from too much crying. But I ignored the dizziness and slowly opened the sliding glass door that connecting my bedroom with the balcony and stepped out—I need get fresh air. I took a deep breath and look into my garden, seek calmness from it and to help clear my mind but then my heart clenched and then beating fast when my eyes met with a pair of dark brown eyes that I really know—make my feelings instantly into a mixture of pain, sorrow, and longing. And I just realized after I saw him that I really miss him, although only in the short time we were not together but I really miss him until this sounds weird and a little crazy.

“Wookie! We need to talk!” Kyuhyun shouted, sounding desperate.

But like before I just shook my head and immediately turned around, left the balcony and walked back into my bedroom and close the sliding door with the curtain. I sit down on my piano chair, trying to make my heartbeat returned to normal and try to figure out what I should do but my mind is disturbed by a soft knock on the door of my room.

“Come in.” I said to the person who knocked on my door.

“Wookie... Gladly you finally wake up.”

“Yesung Hyung?! I don’t know you’re coming. When are you coming?” I said, surprised to see his presence at my door.

“Sungmin called me and I immediately came here.” Yesung Hyung replied as he approached me and sat beside me. “He had already told me what happened today. Wookie, why you don’t want to talk to Kyu?” Yesung Hyung asked.

“Because I’m afraid also is it important to talking when it was clear what happened exactly?” I said softly, almost as whisper.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk to him?” Yesung Hyung asked again.

“Should I talk to him?” I asked back to Yesung Hyung.

“If I say you have to talk to him now, did you’ll talk with Kyu now?”

“I don’t think I would do it now.” I said with a sigh.

After that Yesung Hyung did not say anything else, he just accompanied me and I am busy with my own thoughts for a while.

“Hyung, can you do something for me?” I suddenly asked.

“Of course. What do you want me to do?” Yesung Hyung answered while giving a gentle smile.

“Could you make Kyuhyun go? Hyung, please bring Kyuhyun back to his house, can you?”

“Wookie. I’ve tried it before you ask me. And you know how stubborn he is. He does not listen to me at all.” Yesung Hyung said. “Wookie, I’m sorry but I think I have to say this, I can’t stand it anymore. Probably the best way now is you talk to him, Wookie. He’s been standing all day just to talk to you, and for your information it was almost raining.”

“Maybe if it rains, eventually he will go from here.” I muttered to myself, angry at how stubborn he is.

“Aish... You two really stubborn. I’ll leave you alone now to think again what would you do and organize your feelings. You know that I and Sungmin will support you, and if you need something, we will in the living room.” And then Yesung Hyung stood up from his seat and walked out of my bedroom.

I also stood up, slowly walked to the sliding door. I slightly opened the curtains and looked into my front garden and Kyuhyun was still standing there. I could see him clearly from my bedroom, he looked pale and tired. And seeing him like that makes my heart ache, because deep in my heart, I was worried about his condition. I know he still recovering and he needs a lot of rest now, instead of standing outside my house and wait there just to talk to me.

I sighed and leaned my head on the cold sliding doors glass and closed my eyes.

Please just go Kyuhyun...

Go back to your home.

Why are you doing this??

That thought kept recurring in my mind until thunder and rain drove me back to reality. The rain had poured heavily and I immediately focused my eyes to look for the presence of Kyuhyun, hoping he finally gave up and returned to his home. But then when I could not see him, I felt my heart a little shattered.

I hate myself.

Why do I have to feel like this? I hate how I unconsciously want and hope he will still be waiting for me there despite the heavy rain. I hate myself because I’m afraid of him. I hate myself because I was afraid to face the truth behind what happened today. I hate myself for losing him. I hate myself for having feelings for him. I hate how I unconsciously had little hope that maybe this is just a misunderstanding because he stubbornly waiting for me just to talk to me.

My eyes began to glisten, I’m really stupid. I know this is only going to make me feel more pain when in fact he was not there but I could not help myself to find him through the glass to the rest of my front garden.

“Stupid...” I mumbled.

But I quickly slid open the balcony door and down the stairs at the back side of my balcony. I ran to my front garden and quickly took his hand without saying anything to him and dragged him along with me to the stairs on my balcony and into the warmth of my bedroom.

I released my grip on his hand and I turned around, did not dare look at him.

“Wookie... I—”

“Don’t say anything.” I cut out Kyuhyun’s words.

“But you have to listen to my explanation!” Kyuhyun said, his voice sounded angry.

“I told you I did not want to talk or hear anything from you!” I said angrily as well.

“So why did you drag me here if you don’t want to talk to me?” Kyuhyun asked, trying to make me turned toward him by placing his hand on my shoulder but I brushed his hand from my shoulder and then I cover my ears with both my hands, afraid to hear Kyuhyun’s next words.

“Wookie, why did you bring me here? Is it because you’re worried about me? Wookie, tell me. If you don’t want to talk to me why you do this??” Kyuhyun asked again and succeeded in forcing me to turn towards him, but I closed my eyes and still cover my ears with both my hands.

“I don’t know!!” I shout at him. I have the feeling that complicated now. I tried to make myself believe that this is simply because I can’t let him out with a weak condition when heavy rain poured down but I know it’s only part of the reason behind my actions now.

“No, I know you really know why you’re doing this!” Kyuhyun said firmly.

“Even if I knew, it would not affect what I saw today! And now whatever I feel and think is not your business anymore!”

Kyuhyun hold my wrists and forced me to look directly at him.

“Of course it will affect me and this is my business as long as something to do with you.” He said as he bent down and kissed me.

Chapter 12!

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