Title [10/10]
Blood Vengeance

Oh my goodness. Okay. I love your title. I am sooo into these kinds of stories. The title just sets the theme for all that drama, angst and shiieeettt. Whoo. But okay, reviewer mode on, I actually disagree with what you said. It wasn't exaggerated. For the most part, it suits your story pretty perfect for it. I mean, all of that bloodshed started from the. First. Chapter. But anyway, this title is awesome. It has the proper grammar and punctuation, with the capital letters on the first letter of the two words, it is eye-catching and for me, it would be something I would definitely open up and read. Good job.

Foreword/Description [12/20]
I have to say, your foreword is alright. A lot on the unbelievable side though, and I find that your introduction just revealed the whole entirety of the history of your story. I would've preferred it more if you reserved at least a chapter or two just for the revealing the history. I actually see quite a number of grammar errors but I'll leave that for the latter parts. I have to say though, the dialouge was a bit interesting, but the part in the middle where you practically spelled out your plot kinda ticked me off. Okay, let me be blunt. I might be making a big deal about this, but that's because it is quite a huge deal. Your foreword and description are the ones that attract and reel people into reading your story. It is one of-- if not, the-- most important part of a story.

If I may, I shall suggest a few things. I think one of the things your foreword is lacking is some mystery. Your foreword doesn't leave the people hanging for the first chapter, since you give them the history of your plot right there. It doesn't leave them asking questions, such as, why does she want revenge? The only question it did leave me was, why did you call EXO, 'Hottie'?

So, anyway, my suggestion is, go light. Leave your dialouge there, because I think it's fine. Like this, dear:

"For the rest of my days, I'll hunt you until the end. You will always be my prey.

I'll chase you. I'll raze my future just for you.

You’ll get what’s coming, reckless man!"

He was her first love; he was everything to her. How could he betray her? Jiyoung couldn’t forgive him.

"I can't let any of you go because you have all kept this secret from me!"

"Soon, I will kill all of you!"

Now, I left out the part of where it said Sehun was plotting it with her. I think that would be quite a fine twist, and revealing it instantly would be such a shame, because it leaves the reader asking, "Why on earth would Kai's best friend want revenge and kill someone?" Haha, I know I said that you should leave the reader asking questions, but we want them to ask the right ones for the right things. I hope you get what I mean.

Appearance [5/5]
Again, I won't judge much on this. I didn't even realize you were using a red font on your foreword until I copied and pasted it here. My laptop's got something wrong with it so I might not even be able to see your background or whatever layout you got so please forgive me haha. Your whole setup was perfect though. Foreword and descriptions must always go 1.) Foreword/Blurb, 2.) Character charts, 3.) Author's note then 4.) Credits. So well done and good job :)

Your poster is good too, so no harm done on this.

Spelling/Grammar [7/15]
Well hello there, cutie from Malaysia ;D

I am sorrynotsorry about the low score, but I am putting your second language issue into account. Funny enough, there was little to no spelling errors, I noticed. So props to you or the SCAYT for that, because I commend you for the effort.

I have to say though, I literally stood up from my laptop and took long breaks while reading your fic because, coming from a Grammar Nazi's viewpoint, I just could not read with all those grammar mistakes. Sorry. I do understand what you were trying to convey and express, and I think it would've worked wonders if only your grammar was all correct. I'd hate to say, but your sentence structures were messed up and most of your punctuation were out of place, such as, when the people think, I absolutely did not realize it until I think to myself, 'Hmm, this sounds like a dialouge.' And from there on in I have to assume that they're thinking, besides from those times that you say so. I won't correct you on grammar, because there is quite a lot that I can point out. If I did have anything to suggest, it would be on your foreword, but your foreword is fine.

May I just ask, if you are in Malaysia or some place else, is it compulsary to learn English?

Putting all that aside though, for someone who's second language is English, I commend you for the effort.

Plot [10/15]
You plot was... WHOO.

IT IS... SOMETHING ELSE. Now, I don't know if that's a good thing. I am honestly not sure myself. As I said earlier, the history of your plot is quite clear to me now. But I was really sort of disappointed that Jung Soojung kinda oh I dunno, died on the first chapter, because I think it would've been mighty fine if the plot actually revolved around her. Like, if Kai actually loved her a lot he would like, search for her and then Jiyoung would be keeping her captive and she won't let her go until he's probably done something or like, begged on his knees and eaten some sort of weird fruit that'll make you poop indefinitely for the rest of your life but I'm rambling. You don't have to take that seriously.

But really, I thought your story (so far) is really really far-fetched. So, just because Soojung stole Jiyoung's boyfriend, Kai, she's... gonna kill her? Psh that is like, the most obvious thing to do Nicole, like duh, you should do that when you next imaginary boyfriend dumps you. It's quite an unbelievable storyline, but as it progressed to the next chapter, I could say it made quite a bit of sense as to why Sehun suddenly decided to jump in with her.

One of the really funny things I spotted though, were your two titles for the chapters.

Chapter 1: The Beginning.

Chapter 2: It Finally Begins...

AHAHA sorry, but I would suggest that you would be a little bit more creative with your choice of titles. Haha just pointing out the minor details here.

Your plotline is one that is not as common. I don't see it often. Though you might do well to point out that your main character has some sort of mental illness. I think it would be more logical, interesting and unpredictable that way. Because you mentioned that she was a sweet, innocent girl, realistic story rules are: you must stick with your character type. Or, as the story progresses (or even in the beginning of the story) you could mention that she has mental illnesses. You could state that she has an OCD. That would be the most logical since, she is eternally literally obsessed with Kai.

But other than that, as far as my experience, I have seen this kind of plot before, but it is quite unique for you to choose this kind of plot. It's hard to handle and I admire your effort for trying it out. I wish you the very best.

Characterization [14/20]

This is one of the things I go hard on as well, because I have quite a number of pet peeves in characterization. The first and foremost, is that I do not particularly favour character charts. Why?

Because most times, they are never followed.

And I'm sorry to say, your story was just one of those cases. If you mentioned that she was innocent and sweet, you cannot have her running off and killing someone in the first chapter. I agree with your author's note at the end, I think you should've put off that killing scene till the third chapter. I can see that her friends can recall what she was before. But it kinda slams the overnight personality shift in my face. Personality shifts do not happen in one night. Unless, of course, as mentioned she has an OCD or some sort of other mental illness. I can also see, your character seems to have innocent thoughts, yet her actions speak other wise. It's quite confusing, really.

As for the side characters, ugh. Kai is a total jerk. Hey, this is a good reaction from me okay? Don't take it the wrong way. I'm just venting right now. I hate hate hate hate hate playboy characters. (This is all in a good way my dear, you have done absolutely nothing wrong and everything right) But I can also see his conflicting emotions. As for the Sehun and Soojung, they're pretty one-dimensional, but that's alright, that can be expected of side-characters. Oh and... I read something that kinda threw me off.

Kai said that he wanted Jiyoung for his body right? And to clear this up, from what I have read, Jiyoung is a sweet and innocent girl.

THEN BAM, she's wearing a dress that shows off her curves and radiates her womanhood in full glory. That, miss, is not the way to go. Stick to your character charts or twist it, add a few things.

If you had mentioned that she had this catty, feisty attitude from the beginning, I would've absolutely loved this character. Because let's face it yo, Queen Mc as the main character is not your usual cup of tea. And it's even more spice since she's practically a freakin sadist. I mean like, no for me but throw me a story with gore I can and will shower myself with it. The more gore the better.

Flow [5/10]
Let me be sharp. Your flow was too fast. Wayyy too fast for the first and second chapter.

I was prepping myself for some adventure and full-on action (the action part, I did get by the way), but I thought the flow would be more... even.

Now, I understand that your story is somewhat of a suspense story, seeing as those genres seem to match up with action and thrill, I can know that the flow can be stretched. But so far, it has been stretched a lot. There are so many things going on in one chapter. I be reading about how he's kissing his new girlfriend then WAPOOT. She's got a bullet through her head.

WOW.

I would say, the only time that a fast flow is acceptable is when it's action-packed. Good on you for bringing that up. You showed the dark theme to it, right from the beginning and kept its flow throughout the whole thing so far.

Overall Enjoyment/Reviewer's Note [3/5]
I apologize a bit for the low scores. Please do understand that it's mostly because you touched on some of my sensitive areas in writing, and let's face it, you did ask me to go hard on you.

Okay so, one more thing. If I may, could I just ask, why are they called 'Hotties'? Not just EXO-K? Or EXO-M? Or just EXO in general. I would say that EXO sounds a lot better that Hotties.

Edit: I just saw that you posted your third chapter up. Sorry, I only got to read a bit today because I have to do some reviewing for the exams tomorrow but so far so good! I like how you sort of twisted the thing into a kind of dream, because it just adds to the feeling of the story. Remember, the attention to detail is valuable. It lights the story up. And I like how you do that ^^

Grand Total [66/100]

A/N: SO... now you guys see what I'm like, I hope some of you will rethink it before you tell me to go strict on you. I try my best not to tread on people's toes but I can't help it haha.

Well, I hope you're not too offended. Remember, upvoting is not a must, but very much appreciated, so if you were satisfied with the feedback, please do so no pressure :D
And remember, these are suggestions for your improvement.
I hope you go far and wide with your writing my donut. Good luck :)