Title [10/10]
A Snowflake's Wish

Okay so, your title :) It's not one that I've seen before, but it does seem a bit generic, but for me, there is really no problem with that, it's still unique, short and simple. Your title rings the call of something tragic, something dramatic, which relates very well to your story.

Before reading your story, I decided to try to interpret what your story was about. At first, I thought that the snowflake was something symbolic, since I've seen titles that have used personification before-- I never would've thought it to be literal, to be honest. A snowflake normally symbolizes fragility, and the first thing that came to mind was someone fragile, who made a wish.

It wasn't, of course, until close to the end that I finally realized the meaning of your title, and that it was very much literal and very fitting to your story. There are no grammar, punctuation or spelling mistakes either so well done :)

Foreword/Description [18/20]

First off, I would like to say that I like how your story fits very well with my review shop ahem ahem.

Anway, I really like your opening dialouge, since it mentions that everyone has wishes, everyone has dreams. It's very relatable and people tend to overlook that fact. For me, it's very inspiring and very captivating, so good job on that.

For the opening of your foreword, I would suggest that you change the beginning of the first sentence. Not a whole change, just a minor tweak for more impact, if you wouldn't mind :) Instead of the sentence:
After living his whole life being inferior to his older brother

I would suggest, 'After living his whole life in the shadow of his older brother...' etc., because I don't think that being inferior is the way to put the relationship between his brother and him. I reckon that Jongin worked hard-- hard enough that he is on the same page as his older brother, it's just that, the thing that's throwing him off is his dad's favouritism towards his older brother. Therefore, he isn't really inferior in terms of ability or status, he's just living in the shadow of his older brother. Do you get what I mean?

And also a minor tweak for the grammar in your dialouge: 'Snowflakes are summoned to the weak of heart.'
Might I suggest changing 'to' to 'for'? I reckon it sounds much grammatically correct since when you summon something, you don't summon for another person (does it make sense?) you're only summoning for yourself. You summon for something, you don't summon to something. I hope this makes sense because I'm tripping over myself trying to remember what my english teacher taught me. Haha.

Aside from those tiny, tiny speculations, I reckon your description and foreword is pretty much perfect! I also take note of how you don't use a character chart, which is remarkable, and also, recommendable because people don't normally follow their stated chart. So well done on this aspect! It was very well-rounded off, and I especially love your last sentence-- 'Wishes aren't enough'. Which is true. Wishes are only a human's intense desire for something to happen-- in the end, they are not reality. The theme of your whole story was pretty much well-summed up actually, now that I think about it. Your main theme of your story besides from death and having a new beginning is also finding happiness. Now that I think about it, your foreword actually portrayed that really well. Good job :)

Appearance [3/5]

Okay so firstly, I would like to commend your maker for her choice of ulzzangs on that poster. YEHET SORA AND ULZZANG PONY OHMYGAHHSSS. Yeah but anyway, I think that for me, your poster was just a tad bit too bright. I reckon it was much too light and I almost didn't notice that ulzzang Pony had white hair, because of the white background. I know that white and light is what is supposed to be portrayed here, but I would really want it to look... more pleasant to the eyes-- a bit more prettier and prim. You know, a bit of lace here and there and some tiny light grey details in different places. I know I have no right to be critiquing on the graphics because I'm not a graphic designer but hey.

Lol. But yeah, as said, I'm not really in the place to judge on this one, but it's all up to you if you want to change anything or not. If you don't already know, (God, I've been saying this to everyone who's gone under the Donut spectrum) I can't see layouts, backgrounds and hooray hooray, I've just found out that I can't see other types of fonts on other people's stories. So. YE. HET.

Spelling/Grammar [15/15]

Honestly, your story gave me the goosies why am I talking like J.Lo? and it is mostly because of your choice of vocabulary. It's very captivating, very poetic. On multiple times, while I was taking down notes while reading your story, I've written on some commendation about your choice of words. It paints such a nice picture for your mind's eye to paint and it gives you every bit of feeling and emotion-- you can feel the cold that Kai felt, all throughout the story. It was chilling. I also like chapter 6, wherein winter was ending, and the picture being painted now with your words are vibrant colours, instead of grey, heavy angsty colours-- resembling a renewal of life and attitude.

If you did have any punctuation, grammar or spelling typos, then lucky you, you have managed to pass the Donut Grammar Nazi radar. I've found absolutely no flaw in your story as regards to spelling and grammar, and it was all due to your amazing vocab. I've noticed that you've used all sorts of mediums to express your thoughts into one chapter such as metaphors, similes, personifications-- these are the things that make the story an absolute gem-- that extra effort you put in to make the story much more enjoyable for your readers.

OH AND MUST I JUST SAY HOW CLEVER YOU ARE, MISS? YOU HAVE A THING FOR WORDS, DON'T YOU?

Someday I hope I'll understand things such as love and loss like humans do because everything will eventually end, won't they?

, you are clever. The only issue that I have with the punctuation there is the spaces after and before the brackets. It's something that I don't particularly approve of. I would suggest that you take off those extra spaces, but since you are so awesomely clever, I won't mark that off your points. You have really outdone yourself on this one.

Plot [13/15]

May I just say, the drama, the angst and all started from the. First. Sentence. Of the. First. Chapter. Woah.

I think your story didn't really have much of a plot, more of a theme. Because a plot would be like a track going from A to B. Yet your story was made up of something flowy-- something that taught life lessons and the way you've ended it seemed as if there was a long way to go still, for Jongin. It was those kinds of endings that would put your reader to thinking of what his life could be like from there on in. I think that instead of a fictional, novel-like story that had a definitive, detailed plot, your story was more of an experience being related, and it might also be because I've noticed that you've kept your first person point of view the entire time.

Your plot consists of mainly Kai trying to find his happiness yet having to push people away from him the entire time until a sudden reality shift hit his face and wakes up from it. The letter that Hana had written out for Kai though in chapter 5 was very, very heartbreaking. It made me just sit there for a whole minute, wanting it all to be a joke. But I must say, the fact that Hana confesses after she dies is quite cliche. It's what all awesome authors do-- make their readers feel so helpless. It gives the reader a lot of feels.

I especially like your chapter 4 though. You have a very nice, climactic scene going on there. From when Jongin is talking to Sull-hee about Hana's father being a memory, then having Hana herself become a memory not too far after. You've really hit the nail on the head on this one because to be honest, I just see a lot of people out there write about their characters having a traumatic experience such as death yet react so poorly to it. I like how you've described his emotions well, and how he learned from it.

Your story, I've also noticed, is that you've been pointing out how defective and how ty humans really are, having no clear reasons as to why we do things, why we feel things, or why we think things the way we do. We just do. Because we're human. It's very realistic. I think it's very realistic and dramatic. Too much for a fanfic haha. That's a good thing though :)

There are a few cliche things here and there such as Jongin's family's case-- having his father's favouritism pointed towards his brother and not him, but as cliche as it might be, some people tend to forget that handling these kinds of things and writing about them actually needs more sensitivity and needs to be handled with more fragility as people normally think. You've handled it well and I commend your for that.

Characterization [17/20]

Okay, so first, we'll take a look at your main character. Kai. You've handled him with care and sensitivity, I sense. It may seem as if he's a very complicated person to understand, but in reality, he's just lonely. He just wants to be noticed for once. I must say, I identify quite a lot with this character. No matter how much you try to please a certain person, they will always have their eyes on someone they deem to be better than you, not taking into account your efforts. Okay, that's all I want to say before I go all mushy on you. He is a frustrated person, having been neglected by his parents his entire life, living in the shadow of his older brother. Relationships with everyone seemed to be going haywire. In my opinion, he's a guy who knows that he needs-- maybe even wants help in his life, yet when people try to reach out and give him that help, he pushes away, thinking it's for the best for everyone around him. In short, he's his own worst enemy. His character development in the last chapter though provided a good enough closing for the reader.

Now, for your main OC, Sull-Hee. I reckon she was more of your main character. She is very much innocent and that innocence was well projected. It's shown that she's like a child, yet at the same time, she is very much serious about doing her job. That was the only thing she was generated for-- to make the person she's serving as happy as he possibly can before her time was up. She believed that every story has an ending and she craved to understand why people do what they did. She's a very well-rounded character. I see no flaw in what you've written with her.

Anyways. His dad. He is... I just... His dad. His dad. Such a ing . I have so many negative feels for that dude. But as I've mentioned in my last review, it's good that you've made us hate the antagonist, now make us understand the antagonist. Now, I know that there wasn't enough time to get to know your characters, so to speak, considering that your story is exactly a full-fledged novel, just a short story or perhaps, a drabble, but I feel that the father is just too important to be left as a side-character that is two-dimensional-- by that I mean that they have a clear personality category that they would fit into, it's just that they need a bit more depth. A bit more reasons as to why they do things. We've known now that the father has obviously swung to the extreme in terms of favouritism, but the questions that raise in my mind are questions such as, why do they favour Jungmin more than Kai, when Kai is clearly trying? Or is it because Jongin thinks he's trying his best, when really, he hasn't reached his optimal level? A parent should look out for both of their kids, because they should know that when one slacks, he should be right there to help bring them back-- unless of course, they truly are a lost cause--  they should be helping them because in the end, they represent their family name, their family honour and . So there HAS to be some kind of reason.

Hana, the family and the brother etc are all side-characters, I sense. They are others who care about Jongin whom he's possibly pushed away at some point, and those who aren't strong enough to stand up for him. They are all quite two-dimensional, which is fine, since they are all side-characters (maybe with the exception of Hana, who has more depth) but can I just say. I really, really wanted Kai to end up with Hana. LIKE OHMYGOODNESS I WANTED HER TO BE RAISED FROM THE DEAD.

Flow [7/10]

To be frank, your story's flow was quite fast. And that could be understandble to a point, because what you've laid out is practically just a short story-- a drabble, and that is expected. The only issue that I had with it was that big time jump from chapters six to seven. I feel as if things have to be mended in between those chapters. Your flow was very, very fast and realistically speaking, not ideal. I feel that there has to be more juice between those twenty years, because I'm still stuck in the last chapter, which was only beginning to recover from the dark, angsty mood. It's quite hard to suddenly switch the feel of the story. It's stories like these that me up so bad.

But having said that, your pacing was still better than most. Not taking your huge time jumps into account, it is above average. The least you could've done was mention the amount of time that has lapsed since the last event, which is what you have done.

So, good job!

Overall Enjoyment/Reviewer's Note [5/5]

AND WHAAATTT. SULL-HEE????? ON YOUR CHAPTER TITLES??? I JUST WENT BACK A MOMENT AGO TO CHECK THAT I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ANYTHING THEN WHATTT??? DUDE MY HEART JUST DID A FREAKIN FLIP WHEN I SAW THAT. UGH YOU CLEVER LITTLE .

I absolutely LOVE the 'diary' entries at the end of each chapter that you had. They were absolutely beautiful and poetic.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT, THAT OLD WOMAN IN CHAPTER SIX. I WAS THINKING THAT WHEN KAI ASKED FOR HER NAME, SHE WOULD SAY SULL-HEE. I would've died.

Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed your story. It made me smile, yet at the same time, it has made my heart hurt. You are very clever and talented. It's nice and refreshing to read stories such as yours. Awesome job.

P.S. I was reading this while with my sister and mum. Throughout the whole thing I was just like,

Grand Total [88/100]

Reviewed by: AwesomeDonut ❆ ❄ ❅

Well, I hope you're not too offended. Remember, upvoting is not a must, but very much appreciated, so if you were satisfied with the feedback, please do so no pressure :D
And remember, these are suggestions for your improvement.
I hope you go far and wide with your writing my donut. Good luck :)