**Trigger warning: Mention of suicide**

(Taeyeon x Amber)

February 1, 2015

I didn't want her to know. I've kept this from her for so long. I don't know if I can handle it much longer. I'm growing sick of the constant waiting...all the false hope. I want to give up.

-A

February 10, 2015

It's getting harder. Even with the help...even with the support. I don't think I can handle it...I can't.

-A

February 21, 2015

I ed up. I promised myself I wouldn't do this again but I did. I've relapsed far too many times. I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I wanted to cry but all emotions were gone. Oh god, there's...there's blood everywhere. I need to clean it. I need to clean it. 

-A

March 4, 2015

She found out. She saw all the marks I've made. All the jagged lines that decorate my arm. It...feels good. She was accepting...she wants to help me...

Maybe I will get better...

-A

.

.

.

.

.

"Hey!" She looked up from her journal and smiled when she saw her running to her.

"There you are, I've been looking for you."  She smiled again and put down her journal.

"It's not that hard to find me, plus I have a phone." The small girl just shrugged and threw her arm around the tomboy's shoulders. 

"What are you doing all alone anyways?"

"You know I like being alone," She said fidgeting with her fingers, "Plus it was kind of nice out so I just wanted to walk around."

"Explains why you weren't in your house." A faint smile spread across the tomboy's lips. "Yeah..."

Taeyeon noticed the journal set aside by the tomboy and pointed at it.

"You brought it?" 

"I bring this thing with me everywhere...it helps." She slipped her arm off her shoulders and rested her head on her shoulder instead.

"How have you been?" She asked checking up on the girl.

"Just fine," She said, "Why do you ask?"

"Just checking up, I care for you a lot, you know that?" She asked now looking up at the girl. 

"Y-yeah..." It felt odd to her. All the people in her life just seemed to drop her along the way. Having someone actually stick with her for so long was foreign to her. 

"And you know I love you a lot right?" 

"I love you a lot too," She said with a smile on her face again. "But did you know that?"

"You say it a lot so of course I know," The tomboy said. Taeyeon smiled and quickly kissed her cheek.

"Just making sure." 

She quite enjoyed her life with Taeyeon. For once in her life she was content and happy with where life was going. She stopped the self harm although thoughts of doing it come up in her mind, she goes to her instead. 

Her. 

Kim Taeyeon, the one whom she loved dearly. 

"Amber," Taeyeon called sweetly. The tomboy looked up from the book she was reading and was surprised with a kiss.

"Hey, what was that for?" S