"Taekwoon-ah! Get up already!" his mother shouted up to his room, waking up the sleeping boy. He turned in his bed and glanced at the radio alarm: 6:30 a.m.
A groan escaped his mouth and he pulled the blanket over his head. He didn’t wanted to get up.
"Only 5 more minutes...." he grumbled back sleepily while he closed his eyes again, slowly drifting back to sleep.

He consistently ignored his mother’s further calls and enjoyed the warmth of his bed. Well, as long as it lasted.
Suddenly he felt the nasty cold against his skin and the bright light of the sun blinded him.

"Get up now! Otherwise you won’t be in time for school.“ his mother snapped annoyed and looked at her son.

He returned the look over his shoulder with half-open eyes and noticed that his mother held his blanket in her hand. It was way too early for the boy to fight with his mother, to fight with her in general. He didn’t care about school at all and she knew it. But his mother didn’t let her son skip school when she was at home. Taekwoon knew that his mother didn’t have control over his actions when she was at work, that’s why he skipped school when she wasn’t at home. That happened quite often.

"Who cares..." he replied sleepily and tried to pull the blanket back to him, without success. His mother was used to these kind of mornings and kept the soft source of warmth out of his reach. She gave him a serious and slightly angry look. He sighed.

„Taekwoon I’m not in the mood to joke around anymore. Get your sweet out of the bed right ing now.“ she snapped with a growling undertone.

"Fine" he grumbled angrily as he pulled himself together and sat up in his bed. His hair was a mess and the look in his eyes could kill. His mother wasn’t impressed by his look and simply left her son’s bedroom.

Taekwoon got up and left his room after he stretched and took some clothes out of his closet. He went into the bathroom, which was right next to his room, took off his pajama and took a warm and refreshing shower. He really needed it. The morning shower relaxed his muscles and cleared his racing mind. Taekwoon wasn’t in the best mood for about six months now.

It was the 26th of October when the regular fight of his parents reached it’s . He remembers the day as if it happened yesterday. It was loud and he could hear things shatter on the ground and walls. The fighting screams of his parents were so loud, he thought they were standing next to him. It was horrible. Then, the front door got slammed shut and the sudden silence tore the air apart. His father had left. He never heard anything from him since then.

He went out of the shower, dried his hair and looked at him in the mirror for a moment - the similarity to his father was incredible. He looked like him in his younger years, his mother always talks it bad, says that his father was handsome but his character was awful. Taekwoon would like to know why his parents separated. His mother always says that his father cheated on her, that he was physically violent towards her. Taekwoon didn’t believe it. He knew that his father was against violence of every kind and also that he didn’t touched any kind of alcohol ever in his life. The black haired male was sure that his mother had been the one who cheated, he always drove around with men, came home late and drunk, yelled at his father for every little thing. His mother always assured her son that his father was the one to blame and that she was the victim. Isn’t the abuser often the one who maintains to be the victim? The only thing Taekwoon wanted was to talk to his father and ask him what has really happened. He trusted him more than his mother and he couldn’t believe that he left by himself without saying goodbye. But what if he didn’t liked Taekwoon anymore? What if he had enough of his son and lost his love towards him? What if he started to hate his son? What if his father has a new partner and they have a child? What if.. what if.. what if. So many questions that will be left unanswered. Taekwoon tried many times to figure out where his father was, but he was left unsuccessful. He was gone.

A knot build in his throat and his stomach starts to hurt, his heart ached painfully. He missed his father. He missed talking to him, playing soccer with him and so many more things that he missed every single day. He wanted him back. It felt like his father had died even though he knew that he was alive. But where was he? Where? Taekwoon didn’t know and his mother claimed that she was clueless as well. Something in his mind told him that his mother knew way more than she claimed.

   Taekwoon put on his clothes before he started to comb and style his hair. He had to go to school today and he didn’t want to look like the emotional mess he was. If the decision was up to him he would stay in bed every day and just get out of his bedroom to go to the toilet or kitchen. Why did he needed to go to school anyway? Whatever the school tried to teach to the students, Taekwoon could study everything by himself at home. Also, there were way too many people around him for his taste. He likes hanging out with friends but he didn’t liked being surrounded by dozens of people he only knew from seeing. He had always been a quite and shy person, especially when he met new people.

After styling his hair he brushed his teeth and went back to his bedroom to pick up his schoolbag and the stuff he needed for school. Then he went out of his room and right to the kitchen, that was  located downstairs. He was hungry as hell like every morning.

„Took you a while today“ his mother said as she put the newspaper aside and drank the last bit of her coffee. „I’ve made you breakfast.“ she pointed to the plate on the kitchen-table. „Make sure to eat up and go to school, Taekwoon. I’ll check if you went there.“ she said and her son nodded as he sat down.

She sighed „I mean it Taekwoon. I don’t want you to be kicked out of school. You’ve already missed too much. Pull yourself together“ she grabbed her back that hung on the chair.

„I’ll leave now, have to go to work.“ she said and left the kitchen „I know I repeat myself but go. to. school. I’ll be back late today, see you later! Goodbye!“ she left the house shortly after, leaving the boy by himself.

After the front-door was shut he mumbled a „Bye“ and started eating breakfast. Taekwoon liked it when it was quite but he also loved to listen to music. He pulled out his phone, opened the music folder and the music, singing along with it in between bites. Music gave him the feeling of being understood, as if the music could read his mind. He started singing at a pretty young age, he must have been around four to six years old. Today he is seventeen and trains his vocals almost every day. When he was a kid he always wanted to become a famous soccer player but after an injury that kept him from playing soccer, he started to dream about being a singer and making people happy with his music. His mother always says that he has to get a normal job, because becoming a singer is just a dream that he won’t reach, so he has to stop wasting his time. The only thing that wastes his time in his opinion was school. Taekwoon sighed. His mother was out pretty often and he didn’t see her that much. Even though she made him food and bought him the things he needed, he had the painful feeling that she didn’t loved him, that she was annoyed by him. Was it because of the similarity to his father? Taekwoon couldn’t tell and he was unsure whether he wanted to know or not.

The black haired male took a glance at the clock and sighed deeply: he needed to leave the house in twenty minutes. Last week he had to go to the principal. Taekwoon first thought was that he did something wrong. Well, he kind of did but not the kind of ‚wrong‘ that he expected. Taekwoon is threatened to be expelled from school. He sighed again. Why is he left alone with every single thing?

At the time when his father was still there everything was different. Taekwoon had a person to talk to about his worries and fears. He talked to him about his wishes and dreams and didn’t got laughed down. His father was one of the people in his life who supported Taekwoon, who wanted him to reach his dreams - whether it was becoming a soccer player or a musician. His father didn’t care, he only wanted his son to be happy and Taekwoon was happy. But now? His son was a mess with deteriorating grades and signs of a light depression. And his mother? She didn’t cared about him, his grades or whatnot. She only cared that they looked like a happy family on the outside, while at home she didn’t give a damn about her son. One day Taekwoons teacher Mrs.Lee called and talked to his mother about his deteriorating grades and unfocused and uninvolved behavior at school. His mother assured Mrs. Lee that it was just a phase of puberty and that he will be the old self again soon.

The only people left who actually care about the black haired male are his two close friends, Cha Hakyeon and Seo Eunkwang. Well, Eunkwang is going to move away soon so the real person left is Hakyeon, who he had known since kindergarten. Both male are worried about their friend and try everything to distract him and to see him laugh again. Even though it annoys Taekwoon every now and then, he is very grateful to have friends like Hakyeon and Eunkwang.

Taekwoon’s thoughts started racing again. He missed his father, he wanted him to be there for his son, to listen to him and to help him coping with the painful feelings that slowly tore him apart. He wouldn’t come. He wouldn’t listen to him. He was gone.

The knot in his throat dissolved itself with a loud sob while a tear ran down the boys soft cheek. He dropped his chopsticks on the plate and pushed it away. Taekwoon felt like he was choking on the air he breathed. He laid his arms on the table and put his head on them, crying in his arms. All the suppressed feelings are overwhelming him, leaving him as a crying mess.

Suddenly his phone started ringing, ripping the boy out of his current state. He looked up and wiped the tears away, while he looked at the display: Eunkwang. Taekwoon breathed deeply a few times and cleared his throat, spoke a few words to see whether it was audible that he cried or not and answered the phone when he was sure that he sounded close to ‚nothing happened’.

At first both male were silent, Taekwoon’s heart was racing like crazy. Eunkwang was the first to break the silence, he carefully asked „Taekwoon-ah?“

The person addressed breathed in deeply a last time, before he replied “Y-yes?“ in an audibly weak voice.

Eunkwang could hear that something was wrong, his friend sounded sad, strained. “What happened?" the boy asked immediately.

Taekwoon lied and said that he had just choked on his food and that nothing special happened. Eunkwang wasn’t dumb and didn’t believed his friend. Of course not, he knew Taekwoon way to well.

"Sure. Only choked on your food.“

Taekwoon sighed. Sometimes he hated that his friend knew him so well.
„Eunkwang, really, don't worry about me! I’m fine.“

„ ‚Don’t worry‘? ‚Fine’? Taekwoon-ah how should I not worry about you when you’re breaking apart more and more? I want to help you, please keep that in mind. I deeply care about you, and Hakyeon said that that he does, too. He’s standing beside me.“ Eunkwang said.

Taekwoon grimaced and his mind felt like it was blown. He didn’t know what to say and to his misfortune a sob escaped his mouth. A hand clutched over his mouth right after as tears start to roll over his cheeks again.

"Taekwoon-ah?" Eunkwang asked right after he noticed the sob.
Taekwoon didn’t answered and he couldn’t hold back anymore. Shortly after he left Eunkwang, who just heard ‚beep beep beep’ as a response.
The black haired male dropped his phone on the table, grabbed his hair and cried even harder. What hurts more than being left? Being looked into. He tried to assure his friends that he got better, he wanted to choke the worries of his friends. They still worried, and now even more than before. Taekwoon hated himself for worrying his friends.

He looked up and his gaze met the picture on the wall. It made the pain even worse. The picture was a photo of Taekwoon and his dad, both smiling and laughing and Taekwoon held the trophy he won at a soccer game in his hands. The photo is about seven years old, he was ten years old back then.

“I miss you so much..” he mumbled as he sobbed again, slamming his fist to the wall. “Why?!”, he asked with a trembling voice. “Why have you left me?!” he yelled at the photo „What the ing hell have I done to you?!“ he stood up and kicked the chair through the kitchen while more tears ran down his cheeks. „I don’t get it“ a bitter laugh escaped his mouth.

His cell phone rang again, this time Hakyeon tried to reach him but Taekwoon simply  ignored it. He didn’t wanted to talk to anyone right now. He wanted to be alone for now and maybe even for forever. He was alone. And it wasn’t satisfying at all.

After a while of anger and sadness the doorbell suddenly interrupted his thoughts and his gaze shot to the corridor and the front-door at the end of it. He furrowed his eyebrows und wiped away the tears. The cleared his throat, filled a cup with water and took a gulp as the doorbell rang again but this time, more furiously. He placed the cup back on the counter and left the kitchen. Taekwoon took a deep breath and opened the door.

As soon as he recognized Eunkwang and Hakyeon, he closed the door. Well, he tried to. His friends were faster and pushed themselves into the house. Hakyeon closed the door behind him before turning around to face Taekwoon. His eyes were red from crying as well as his nose. He still had tears in his eyes and his lower lip trembled hardly notable.

„Taekwoon-ah tell us what happened!“ Hakyeon said concerned „Please talk to us! It will help you and we want to help you.“

“Nothing.” Taekwoon shortly replied. “Now, get out.” He coldly added.

“Okay” Hakyeon said with a calm voice, Eunkwang looked at him confused „We’ll leave after you told us what is going on.“

“I don’t want to. Just go. Please.” Taekwoon looked at the ground, he couldn’t look at him. He didn’t deserve them. Tears wanted to fall again but he was fighting them back.

“Taekwoon-ah..” Eunkwang said softly. He could see that his friend was about to cry again.

Hakyeon sighed and took a step forward and hugged his friend tightly. “No matter what, happens Taekwoon, you’re not alone. Keep that in mind, you can talk to us at any time.”

Taekwoon started crying again and held onto Hakyeon’s jacket as he started to cry again. Hakyeon his back to calm him down, while he had to fight against his own sadness. He didn’t wanted Taekwoon to suffer like that. He wanted to see his friend laughing again.
Taekwoon was glad that he had friends like Eunkwang and Hakyeon. They were always there for him when he needed them and they will always be there. Taekwoon knew that and trusted them. He knew that he could open up, that they won’t hurt him.

“I miss my dad..” he mumbled into Hakyeons shoulder, who continued to his back.

“He didn’t leave because of you” Eunkwang replied as if he could read his friend’s mind. „He’ll come back to get you. You know that he loves and cares about you. You’re not the one to blame, Taekwoon.“

„But why did he left me?“ he asked sobbing.

“I don’t know for sure but you’ve said that you suspect that your mother cheated on him. I assume that’s the reason why he left. You don’t have anything to do with it! It’s not your fault.” Eunkwang tried to answer his friend’s question but like he said, neither Taekwoon nor Eunkwang nor Hakyeon knew for sure why his dad left.

“Mhm.. I know.. but.. maybe-“ Hakyeon cut him off. “There’s no “maybe”! Taekwoon you have nothing to do with it. Stop blaming yourself!”

“But-“

“Taekwoon, no! Don’t think such bull! It. Is. Not. Your. Fault. Got it?” Hakyeon again cut him off. He didn’t wanted his friend to blame himself when he didn’t do anything wrong.

Taekwoon nodded in response. Deep down he knew that he wasn’t the reason but his mind didn’t stop blaming him.
Eunkwang looked at his phone and sighed “Alright guys we have to go now. School’s starting in about twenty minutes and we have to walk about ten to fifteen.”
Hakyeon let go of Taekwoon and wiped away his tears while he smiled at him. „Come, we have to go.“ he said.
Taekwoon shook his head and answered "I don't want to go" before he went back into the kitchen.
Hakyeon and Eunkwang looked after him, before Hakyeon said “You cannot choose, you have to! And we’re gonna take you with us!“
"I can choose." Taekwoon replied shortly.
Eunkwang chuckled as he noticed the ‚mother‘-look in Hakyeon’s expression „As if you have a choice when Hakyeon’s around.“ The tanned boy went after his friend, took Taekwoon’s schoolbag and pulled him by the upper arm „You’re going, whether you like it or not!“  
Hakyeon’s tone didn’t tolerated any contradiction. Taekwoon hadn’t had another choice but to nod and obey.

Against his will he went to school with Eunkwang and Hakyeon, who smiled satisfied.

______________________________________________

Alright alright alright, here's the first re-written chapter!

I hope you enjoyed reading it :-)

Leave a comment and let me know whether you like it or not