“Aha! I win! Heck yeah! I knew it! Whoot, whoot!” Jongin cheered loudly, jumping up on the couch triumphantly as his Luigi avatar rolled over the finish line of the last lap. “Looks like you lost and have to tell me a secret,” he added, wiggling his in the air as he lept off the couch and danced happily in front of the television. You stared blankly, loosely gripping the controller as your mind started to melt with what you would have to tell him. It had been gnawing away at you since you had met him and realized that there was still innocence, harmony, and love in the world. You had wanted to tell him, but never wanted to scare him away as if it were your fault; however, now that you had the chance, you didn't quite know how to divulge it, but you knew you had to.

“What's wrong? Do you not want to tell me?” he asked, slowly stopping his joyous celebrating as he walked back towards you. You looked away. “Hey, hey, hey, no need to shy away. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to,” he cooed, grazing your cheek with the back of his hand gently. “________, what's wrong?” he urged, nuzzling his nose in your neck, desperate for a reply.

Before you could stop yourself or before he could comprehend, your lips were smashed passionately against his own as your fingers s slyly through his dark brown locks. You lost yourself in his scent and his warmth, not wanting to let go or be let go of as he linked his arms around your waist once he pieced together what was transpiring. You decided to take the chance and trust him with your darkest secret without having to think that he would at all judge you.

“Uh, what was that for? You just went from brooding in the corner of the couch to kissing me with a fire hotter than hell. Are you okay?” he asked, confused. “N-Not that I didn't like what just happened. I'm just... confused,” he muttered near silently.

“Well, I lost fair and square and I guess that was my way of gauging whether or not I could trust you. No one knows about this but me- not my parents, not my best friend, not my teachers, no one. I will tell you,” you shrugged as if your previous behavior were completely normal.

“Of course you can trust me. I guess, to be fair, if you speak now, then I will say something that no one knows about me either. Will that make you feel better?” he offered sweetly, making your heart ache with pain at how adorable and considerate he was. It tore you apart how you could depart from such a world as before to find someone like him and be accepted so easily. You hated how you needed a guardian like him, but you were glad that fate had finally decided to take mercy on you. You felt if you finally told him, maybe you would be a step closer to your own salvation and that was all you ever wanted over the last few years. You needed him to listen and help.

“Well, I haven't always been the perfect student that I am now. I've made a lot of bad choices in my life and one of them almost got me killed,” you began. He gasped, his heart racing as he predicted what you would say. He said not a word and let you gather your emotions before letting you resume. “Well, like I said, no one knows about this because I hid it so well.” Silence. “I used to be in a violent relationship and it almost didn't end with me alive. It was back in ninth grade and I was young and stupid- well, not stupid since I was still a straight A and B student- and I made the mistake of falling for this one junior guy who at first acted like I was his world. I fell for his charm and thought he was the most amazing thing in the world, but the saddest part is that I thought I was special. I thought I was going to be that girl that finally got the good guy and cut the good girl role and had everything her way. I thought that I was the best thing ever with this guy and that was the biggest mistake of my life.” Silence. You gulped and knew there was no turning back now that you knew you had led him on with the story. “Well, it started off nicely as all relationships do. He got me the best gifts and let me have fun. We would go on the nicest dates, ones that I didn't even know could happen. My heart would always beat out of my chest when he called or texted. I not only fell in love with him, but I fell in love with everything about him- his smile, his hair, his laugh, his eyes, his personality, his everything.” He nodded, not saying a word, all the while absorbing all the information you were giving him. You knew you were safe for now, but you had not gotten to the worst of it, the part that haunted you and made you hate yourself even now. “But eventually, it got bad. He would make me hang out with only his friends and then I would have to wear the most unflattering clothes because he thought that the others would become attracted to me. I couldn't go out with my own friends anymore. He made me lose them all because he said that he would leave me if I wasn't mean to certain people. He turned the entire school against me and most of the people that I held dear left me, but that wasn't enough for him. He wanted to break me completely so he eventually turned to hitting me. I would get black eyes, bruises, scratches and scrapes and I would have to hide all of them from everyone because I didn't want anyone knowing. Most of them have gone away, but some of them are still there, reminding me of my past and how stupid I was.” Nothing but wide eyes and his near silent breathing as he stared at you, face blank. “Well, one night, his birthday, he said that I had to spend the night with him and that I would have to please him. I had no idea what that meant, but I knew as soon as he conned my parents into letting me spend the night and he locked me up just about, I knew what that meant. He tried forcing himself on me and I refused. Long story short, I was lucky to come out alive. I escaped with tattered clothing and only one shoe with him sprawled on the living room floor of his room with a note explaining all the he had put me through taped to his back for his parents to find. I was then taken to the psychiatrist by my parents because I had said a recent death or something had traumatized me. Even with the psychiatrist, I had made up a hypothetical saying it was about my friend and how her pain was getting to me, but when he offered to do something about the guy, I said it was alright by then because I found out from his parents that they had shipped him off to military school for his transgressions. Even though it all straightened itself out, I still feel the pain. Some scars just don't heal,” you concluded, fighting back the plump tears that were threatening to break free.

As your vision blurred. All you felt was your body being consumed by a burning heat as if you were hugging the sun. Instead, an angel was hugging you, gently caressing your back and whispering sweet somethings in your ear as he nibbled softly. As you melted in his embrace, you knew that he did not intend to hurt you. Though you had fallen for the trap once before, you were now experienced and knew the aura of people like the one in the past and Jongin did not possess that aura. He was an angel, someone that you didn't think yourself worthy of just yet. You had not gone through enough turmoil. You couldn't have him and all his sweetness. He was not for you.

“Get off of me!” you shrieked suddenly as you shoved him away from you, not wanting to examine the look of utter hurt staining his face.

“________, what's wrong? Aren't you feeling alright? I'm not here to hurt you. It's me, Jongin. I'm not going to hurt you!” he screamed as you started to flail, hoping to keep him at bay.

“Get off of me! You're just like him and I don't want you! I hate you Kim Jongin!” you growled, still throwing your fists into the air with your eyes screwed shut. You didn't want to know that you could possibly be hurting the one that was sent to help you as you thought in the far corner of your mind. You put up quite a fight before your felt a sudden sharp pain in the back of your head. You blinked to see him hovering above him. You squirmed to no avail as he had your hands pinned down on both sides of your head. You continued to growl and hiss as if something had possessed you. Something had – the pain and fear of making the same mistakes that continued to act as phantasms in your present life.

“I'm right here. Although I am above you, I am not superior and I do not want to hurt you. I'm sorry for making you hit your head but I had to pin you down, but you were thrashing so much that you rolled off the couch to the floor. I apologize. Now, I want you to calm down or I will stay like this all night. As long as I am keeping you safe, I'm okay with that. Now, calm down until you can use your words and as soon as I deem you capable of doing that without throwing another fit, then I will happily let you go,” he explained with a calm voice. Despite your boiling anger, trivial as it was, you decided to calm down, his presence and authority somehow calming you.

“I-I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I guess I'm still not over anything that happened to me a few years ago. Some people can only stay strong for so long until they break and just repeating and replaying the same naivety and pain that they've caused themselves doesn't help. I don't want to be strong. I just want to lie down and forget everything and hope that I can find someone good again. I've been a good enough girl and good enough things can happen to me, yes?” you asked insecurely, prating almost incoherently, but he understood it all.

“Of course they can. More than good enough things can happen to you and they will, starting with me. I promise, I will protect you and try to make you happy again. You've done so much for me over the last few months a