Hi guys, wishing you a belated or an advance Merry christmas depending when you are reading this lol. This is probably my last chapter. I hope I didn't not ruin the story...that bad ><. I know I need to work on the way I express some parts. I hope you'd continue reading my future fics. Cheers & have a great holiday! Happy new year~ :) 

"Wake up hyung, please..."

The phrase seemed to be the only thing Jongin has been programmed to say verbally. Repeated every minute, anxiety increasing with each saying. Hands clasped holding onto another frail one, the tanned boy prayed very hard like his life depended on it. Jongin caressed the pale & frail arm, mapping the route of the veins that were vividly visible, stopping when he reached the crocodile clip on the tip of the finger. It happened in a blink of an eye. Jongin last remember waking up to an unresponsive Kyungsoo after falling asleep while watching the latter as per norm. Things around the house was getting better with Kyungsoo being able to walk around more often than before & nothing else seems amiss.

 Unfortunately the older boy had another relapse & this time it landed him in a comatose state. Doctor’s diagnose concluded that cancer has spread throughout the whole body for quite some time leading to the relapse & have speculated that Kyungsoo was just habouring & enduring the pain, baffling Jongin. Everything was & seemed fine, he was with Kyungsoo almost every single minute & yet he could not have noticed anything wrong. Doctors have told Jongin to prepare for the worse as nothing could be done to salvage the situation & if Kyungsoo woke up, he'd be too weak to even leave the bed & further treatment would do no good to the already defeated body.

Jongin felt like his world has come crashing down. He felt helpless but still hopeful. Hopeful because he knew his hyung was strong to pull through like he always did but helpless because the tanned boy could not do anything, even money was not possible to help. He had braced himself for this situation to happen; Kyungsoo lying on his deathbed but expectations succumbed to the reality. All the tanned boy wants now is his hyung to wake up. To see those doe-like eyes & the pearly white smile between those heart-shaped lips. To joke around & cuddle watching the latest pororo episodes & just enjoying each other’s company. He looked at the tubes inserted into the body of his hyung who relied on the machines connected to the tubes for life. The mechanical beeping played in his mind like a daunting melody. He slumped back onto the arm chair & propped his elbows while covering his face, crying. He never felt so cheated in life. The borrowed time they had was almost used up. No one to turn to let out his sorrow. All alone. He did not want to lose his hyung. 

===

Where is it, where…FINALLY.

Luhan barged open the hospital ward. He did not heed the cry from his boazi who was huffing & puffing while trailing behind him trying to catch up, pleading him to slow down. Upon hearing the news a few days ago from Xiumin via Mr Kim, Luhan & Xiumin booked the earliest flight from Beijing to Seoul. Instinctively, he knew he had to be there for Jongin. No matter how the younger boy had appeared & seemed more matured, deep down Luhan knew how lonely, terrified & hurt the tanned boy must be feeling. It has barely been more than a year & he was back to the land he thought he had seen the last of. He was finally here after the few hours of non-stop flying & driving. The room was cream coloured, bright & had the nostalgic sterile smell.

 Luhan suddenly sensed the overflowing aura of grief of the room. There was the familiar back view of the tanned man sitting in one of the arm chair, crying over the body that was physically alive supported by machines. Tears started to well in his eyes as he walked toward the bed. Hearing the familiar beeping of machines, he could not control his emotions as hot tears fell & started sobbing. The walk from the door towards the bed felt painfully long & the room was now filled with the sound of two men crying; Luhan's & Jongin’s. The image of Kyungsoo lying helplessly seem like it was only a nightmare. How a year had drastically taken a toll on the younger’s body. Luhan felt back against a hot warm body. Why? Why him? Why Kyungsoo? Luhan thought to himself as he started to vent his anger against Xiumin's chest. The young boy was nothing more than a blessing, an angel in both Luhan’s & Jongin’s life. Why did he had to suffer such a terrible fate? Luhan wanted to wake up from this nightmare.

 Xiumin hated seeing people crying. He knew he had to come back after hearing the saddening news of Kyungsoo’s relapse. Although it was inevitable, he wanted Luhan to smile longer. The boy had finally lighten up, smiling earnestly. To see that smile indeed made Xiumin more grateful to finally have a goal to live. Entering the room after chasing his brown-haired deer, it struck him. The façade has caught up to them. No matter how hard Xiumin had wanted Luhan to forget, they had to face reality sooner or later.

It was a similar experience for Xiumin, having had the same incident happen a year ago after Luhan had broken up with Kyungsoo. Xiumin remembered how the latter had painfully let go of the one he loved. How much sacrifice & courage it took. A selfless act with a noble cost. The fact that Xiumin had fallen in love with someone he knew had not gotten over the sacrifice, felt like it was a sacrifice himself. All he could do now was to be there for Luhan. To try & make the latter happy & smile again through the façade again.  Xiumin forced up a quick smile towards Jongin who had looked up to see the commotion unfolding. What a way to greet each other after a year. Xiumin thought.

====

It was a depressing Christmas day. Kyungsoo still showed no signs of waking up from his slumber. Jongin kept his place by the bed side almost 24/7, only taking short trips to the toilet to relieve himself while Luhan, accompanied by Xiumin made daily visits. Jongin finally went home to get a change of clothes after much persuasion & relentless coaxing from Luhan, Xiumin & even his father who came down for a visit. After being forcefully threaten by the old man to have his guards drag him home, Jongin relented to only being gone for an hour with Luhan taking his place by the bedside. The tanned boy was escorted back to the shared apartment by Xiumin. Just like old times. Jongin thought, reminiscing of the time when his baozi hyung had escorted him for meetings & conferences.

 The house seemed empty, pitiful & lifeless. It has only been a week since he last saw the familiar surroundings but it now seem vacant & empty. The place now holds a vague & foreign feeling, gone was the warm & cosy atmosphere replaced by a cold & eerie one. Not wanting to waste his time, he rushed towards the toilet & began undressing himself.

 Hot water ran down his body, warming it up after all the cold nights spent at the hospital ward. He was reminded by Luhan to take a good scrubbing before returning. He did as he was told to, comforted by the fact that he finally had time alone to let his suppressed tears out. Tears were washed down along with the water. Again he felt it was unfair for Kyungsoo to be suffering. Why did it have to be his hyung? Why did the older boy even endured & hid the fact that he knew the cancer was getting worse? How did I even missed the signs?

After towelling dry & physically feeling much more refreshed, he put on some fresh clothes & made his way towards the kitchen to fix himself a drink. He looked over to the pororo clock, watching how the clock had remain ticking. He still had half an hour before Xiumin arrived to pick him up. The eeriness of the house did not seem to fade while Jongin scan across the area from the kitchen counter.  Looking around the house he decided might as well he did some cleaning while waiting, at least it will help him get his mind off. Thinking about it, when was the last time he actually help Kyungsoo clean the house? While he was in the living room rearranging the cushions, he noticed a piece of trash that seem to have been hidden in the corners of the sofa. He retrieved the peculiar & familiar yellow paper. The “trash” ended up being a piece of note that was folded up & well hidden at the corner of the sofa couch. Jongin carefully opened it up & read it.

If you ever feel lonely, I’m here. Mentally. I love you Kim Jongin.

Jongin felt his tears spilling down his face & a tear dropped onto the note. He desperately dried it off, afraid it would smudge the treasure find. He folded the piece of paper daintily & stuffed it in his pocket, mentally telling himself he needs to find a special place to store it. Quickly composing himself he finally left the apartment after receiving the call from Xiumin that the latter was already downstairs. Although relieved he was now going back to the hospital, he felt reality hitting him hard again.

Looking out onto the streets, Jongin tried to take in the surroundings. Everyone seemed to be covered in a layers of sweaters, trying desperately to keep warm in the freezing temperature. It was Christmas after all. The streets of Seoul were filled with couples everywhere soaking in the modernised version of Christmas. Shops all played the familiar Christmas tunes to further amplify the spirit. A modernised Christmas Jongin & Kyungsoo had never experience & would never will.

“Isn’t it funny how here Christmas seems like Valentine’s Day unlike back in the States?” Xiumin tried to end the silence.

“Well, I guess you could put it that way, hyung.” Jongin replied with a smile. A white speck seem to have caught the light & was slowly hovering down towards the ground. Jongin could not help but notice the white speck.

“Oh, it’s finally snowing!” Xiumin cried out happily looking up into the sky to the numerous specks now falling.

Our promise, once again broken hyung.

====

Jongin continued his now night routine of searching around the apartment for notes that Kyungsoo could have hidden. Each note brought back a sense of belonging & understanding, something that the tanned boy felt he could fall back on. He keeps them in a jar which Kyungsoo had decorated with nothing much but a Krong sticker. It was a birthday present the older had gotten for him during their high school days. The underlay of the jar's cover read: I know you'd find a use for this empty jar Jongin ♥.

How much work it was for Kyungsoo the have hid all the notes without him knowing. Jongin can never seem to repay all the things & wrongdoings he had done. Always falling short. Always a step behind his beloved hyung. He wiped his tears as he reread the note.

"Remember, when things were hard, I always turned your tears into smiles. Don’t cry in places without me. "

=====

“I- I’m sorry, I tried my best, we all tried our best but I’m afraid-“

“NO!” “HYUNG WAKE UP HYUNG JUST ONE LAST TIME PLEASE HYUNG” Jongin violently shook the lifeless body, not heeding the doctor’s pleads. This was not the way Jongin thought it would be. Luhan, Xiumin & a few other male nurses that were brought into the ward tried to calm & restrain the distressed man who was violently shaking the patient. It took all their effort to tear away the depressed man away from Kyungsoo. One of the nurses quickly injected a fluid into Jongin, significantly calming him down.

“No hyung! You promised! I promised! We’d fight it together! Hyung! Kyungsoo hyung! Hyu-“Jongin voice started to weaver. He suddenly felt light from the sudden shocking injection.

His eyelids felt heavy & he did not have the willpower to keep them open. The monotonous sound of the heart beat monitor was the last thing Jongin heard before the lights suddenly went out. His palms unclenched & a note that Jongin had just recently discovered fell onto the ground.

I know by now you’ve found some notes I’ve hidden around the house you sly fox. Life does not stop for anybody, even if I’m not there I’ll still love you.