JONGHYUN WATCHED the children play. A party was held in Donghae's estate for his oldest son's birthday. He is a godfather of his daughter.

He felt something was blocking his throat while watching the children happily running in the wide garden. Among them, he could see some of the children of his closest friends. Even their wives are there. Donghae's wife, Jessica was busy at the buffet table with Minho's wife. He saw Jungshin's wife, Sooyoung joined the two arranging the table.

He saw his buddies busy with their sons and daughters. Minhyuk was feeding his daughter her ice cream while his wife is talking to Yonghwa's wife, Seohyun. Minho was playing with her daughter in the swing. While Yonghwa, Donghae and Jungshin were at the swimming pool playing with their children. Yunho was seating near the pool with his very pregnant wife, Dara.

"Hey man, why are you sulking alone here?"

Jangwoo was already beside him passing a bottle of beer. He shook his head while looking at their friends. "Tsk, who would have thought those crazy men will be like this? They look looked fathers."

"They are indeed fathers." Jonghyun answered.

"Can you imagine yourself being a father, Jonghyun? It's scary, isn't?"

"What so scary about it?" He asked curiously. The thought of having children never entered his mind. Ah, it did, years ago... ! He should not think about that now.

"Well, it would mean taking a wife as well. Now there's the glitch. Finding a potential wife and mother of your children. There were lots of women in the world, but so hard to find a good one."

He laughed. "That's the result of you being a playboy. You have lots of women in your arms so you can hardly choose. Be careful, man, you might get them pregnant."

Jangwoo shook his head. "Nope. My mother told me many times that I could have hundreds of women but I am not allowed to have a bastard child. That is prohibited in our family. My mom is so friggin' conservative."

"I wish my father thinks like you do, man." Kyunhyun suddenly butted in, not aware that he was already near them. "Bastards. They're my father's specialty." He said in a cynical tone. "I'll leave first. I still have business to run. Just came here to greet the birthday boy."

"I'll go with you." Jangwoo said. "Jonghyun, are you going with us?"

"I'll stay here a bit more. Don't mind me." He said casually.

"Okay, man. See ya around." Kyunhyun said.

The two walked away and went to their friends to say goodbye. He was left seating alone in the bench and silently watching his surroundings.

"Hey handsome. What are you doing here alone?" He heard minutes later.

He smiled when Jessica sat beside him. He had learned earlier that she was pregnant again with her third child but her stomach is still flat. She was still so beautiful, a picture of happy life with her family.

"When will that baby come out?"

Jessica gently touched her belly. "In seven months' time, you will be a godfather again."

He chuckled. "Always the godfather, never the father."

Jessica peered at him speculatively. "Hmm, are you jealous with us? Well, you should be. It feels so good to have children, Jonghyun. So you should get married soon so you could have one."

He sighed deeply and shrugged. "And who will I marry?"

"You have lots of girlfriends, don't you like any of them?"

He shook his head. "Marriage never crossed my mind with any of them. Besides, my relationships didn't last long."

"What about Jiyeon? We all like her."

Jiyeon was the girl being linked to him nowadays but it had been two weeks since he last saw her and he did not have any intention of doing so. All women vanished from his mind. Except one.

"Jiyeon is a nice girl." He said evasively.

Jessica tapped his shoulder. "What's the matter, Jonghyun? Is there something bothering you? Tell me, I could help, Donghae and your friends, we could all help. We are just here if you wanted someone to talk with."

He looked far away. "I saw her again, Jess."

Silence.

"Yoona?" After a while, Jessica spoke calmly.

He nodded.

Silence was in between them again before she opened .

"Do you still love her?"

He clenched his jaw and did not respond.

He felt Jessica gently pressed his shoulder.

"You still love her." It was not a question this time.

He did not answer for a long time and Jessica did not left his side as if she was still waiting for his answer.

"She...she betrayed me, Jess. She...left me..."

He could hardly continue his words. His chest felt constricted. He never once did talked about this matter to anyone with the past years, but he felt a sense of affinity with Jessica because she was the one he had hurt before just to free himself to be with Yoona. More than anyone else, it was Jessica who truly understood his feelings.

"Do you want her back?"

He shook his head. "I wish I don't. I... I hate her... I do."

"But you still want her back."

He inhaled deeply. Again, it was not a question.

Donghae waved his hand to them in the pool. Jessica waved back and blew him a kiss. "Do you believe in destiny, Jonghyun?" She said moments later.

"No. We make our own destiny."

"Aha, spoken like the pragmatic businessman that you are. A relationship to you is always planned and calculated. Everything is business. It was like investments, you're taking care of them but not loving them. You were like that to me back then. You took care of me but not loving me."

His eyes became pained as he looked at her. "Jess... I didn't mean to..."

Jessica cut his next words. "No, just listen to me. I am not bitter, Jonghyun. I am very happy now with my husband. Donghae is my life now. Maybe God really planned to put your attention and interest to other woman to open another way for me towards Donghae's love and now that I know how it is to be truly loved and to love back in return, if I would have to choose now between you and Donghae, I would definitely leave you and be with him without any doubts."

"Jess..."

"Let me finish. Back then, I was so mad because you left me. But come to think of it, it brought goodness in my life and to you. I remember that day, our wedding day when you came to me and told me that you have fallen in love with another woman and it was her who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. You really broke my heart because that was what I've been longing to hear from you before, but another woman stole that precious privilege from me. I don't know her, but I knew that she must have been really special for you to give me up like that. I know how important the family's honor to the Lees but you threw it away for her. That very reason, I know, you truly loved her. And I also knew then, that no matter what I did, I’ve already lost you completely."

He stared into her sincere eyes. Guilt assaulted him all over again.

"Jonghyun, don't you see? You fell in love! Finally, you did! You had your one big chance to be truly happy. But why did she leave you?"

His eyes became blake.

Jessica continues her words. "I know why. It's because you also did to her what you did to me back then. You fail to show her how much you loved her. In my case, it was okay with me because you don't really loved me..."

"I did, Jess... I did love you..." He said.

Jessica touched his face. "I know, Jonghyun, but not the kind of love that all women dream about. You know, the passionate kind. Donghae loves me like that and I feel so lucky to be his wife. But Jonghyun,  I hope you won't repeat your mistakes before."

He shook his head. "I gave you up for her, Jess. That was my mistake."

She shook her head for disagreement. "No. You found love, but you blew it, Jonghyun. You missed your chance. I know that woman loved you truly. Every woman will fall for you. You are the stuff of every woman's dream. It's just that, every woman will also get tired loving you because you were so tough. You only give a fraction of yourself, but not the whole of it. That's why she left you."

He smiled bitterly.

"You got it all wrong, Jess. I loved her. But she left me!" He said defensively.

"Did you not betray her first? Weren’t you already in a relationship with her but also engaged with me at the same time? You were about to marry me if you did not just changed your mind for the last minute. Did you ever pause to consider how it was for her, Jonghyun? That you are going to marry me and making her just your mistress? No self-respecting woman would put up with that . I act