School was almost starting for other kids. I knew this because Suhyun was getting ready for high school. He had a new uniform, (with a tie!) a new backpack and books. His mum, Mrs. Lee, was busy ironing the uniform when I went over that afternoon.

They guys were out for a talk show and since Mama had been sick for the past week, Kyungsoo asked Mrs Lee to watch me for the day. I was sitting on the couch while Suhyun was out with his little brother and dad. That uniform was giving me this intense look.

“So, have you received your uniform yet?” Mrs Lee asked while carefully folding the ironed shirt.

“Oh, I don’t go to a public school…” I mumbled embarrassedly. She gave me a confused glance before starting ironing the pants.

“A private school then?”

“No uhm… I am home schooled. Kyungsoo’s manager usually stays behind with me after sending the guys off to work. He taught me every subject!”

“So it’s not even a proper teacher?” She couldn’t disguise the surprise in her voice, but it was fine. I was used to this, anyway.

“Well, he is a good teacher but… no.”

“But why? Are you too sick to go to school? Is there something wrong with you?” She turned the iron off and carefully sat next to me, rubbing my back in a way of encouraging me to tell her.

“No, no! I am perfectly healthy. I have a weak immune system but that’s not the main reason… Kyungsoo is actually too afraid of letting me go to school. I don’t really know why since he never told me but… It’s been this way since forever so I don’t question it anymore…” I sighed. Uncle Jongdae had tried yet again to convince Kyungsoo to let me go this year, but the answer was still the same.

“Oh… Well, I could talk to him, if you want to. Help him see that there’s nothing dangerous about going to school…” She kept on rubbing my back, flipping the hair out of my face once in a while too.

“Actually, Mama tried in the past. And Uncle Jongdae tried every year. But I guess Kyungsoo is just that traumatized and doesn’t want me to. It’s not that I know less than the other kids, but I just wish I could have more friends my age…”

She nodded in agreement, sighing as well.

“I’m sorry to hear that, sweety.”

“It’s okay… I have my uncles! They can act my age sometimes” We both chuckled at this.

I spent the day playing with Suhyun in his room and later in the day, I had dinner with his family. It gave me this weird vibe I was definitely not used too. A dad, a mum, and their two kids. When I had dinner at home, sometimes it would be just me and Kyungsoo. And he wasn’t even my father.

I made my way home around 11pm. I just had to walk a tiny bit so I didn’t need company, but Mr Lee still watched me from their house’s front door until I went inside, just to be sure. I waved him goodnight before entering and closing the door behind me. Kyungsoo was already back, sprawled on the couch snoring lightly. 

I moved closer to him and crouched down, sighing to myself. I didn’t blame him for being so protective. I could never blame him for anything. He gave me everything I ever needed or wanted. He was the best father figure I could ask for. But I couldn’t deny the fact that he was keeping me away from everything. And I hated that.

I poked his nose and he jumped up, sitting upright and blinking furiously. I just hugged my knees closer and watched him slowly wake up.

“Can I go to school with Suhyun?” I whispered, watching his reaction closely.

He didn’t quite react at first, he just stared at me. I was surely in for rejection.

“Do you want to?” He sighed almost in defeat, pulling me next to him on the couch so he could fix the random strings of hair poking out from my ponytail.

“I really do. I want to make friends really bad.” I never broke my eyes away from him but he seemed not able to do the same. He kept dodging my stares.

“Just give me some time to think about it, okay? It’s a brutal of a change so I need to … just…” He held his breath and instead of finishing his sentence he pulled me into a hug, gently rubbing my back. “You’re growing so fast… I feel like it’s almost over…”

I blinked in confusion but decided not to question him, simply wrapping my arms around him too. He seemed like he needed the support and honestly, his hugs were the best.

“Can you tell me why I never went to school?”

To my surprise, he sniffled, pulling back from our hug and cleaning his cheeks with both his hands. So he cried on my shoulder? I didn’t even notice. The sight was just painful. I hated seeing him sad or depressed or tired or frustrated. I hated everything that wasn’t a blissful smile on his face. And he hadn’t done that in a while…

“Some other day, okay? For now let’s just go to bed…”

I nodded slowly, slightly disappointed. Although I was itching to know why I was at his care, why was I never allowed to step a foot out of the house by myself, why couldn’t I go to school. But I guess it wasn’t my time to know and I would just have to accept it. If he wasn’t so shaken up for whatever reason, I would surely pressure him into telling me everything right now. But he looked so broken and vulnerable…

I made him stop on his tracks by pulling his sleeve gently, mumbling, “Can I sleep with you today?” to which he answered that yes, I could. I didn’t even need to ask.