It was the worst night of JR’s life. It was disgusting, discomforting and wrong in every way. He knew he would never see the manager the same way again. He would never think about ual intimacy in the same way ever again. He was scarred for life.

He couldn’t sleep that night, especially with his manager snoring in the same room. He hated the manager for what he made him do, and just thinking about him made his stomach churn.

He went into the hotel hallway, not wanting to spend another second in the same room as the manager. He knocked on Minhyun and Aron’s room, hoping they would let him spend the night with them. No answer. They were probably asleep.

He went up to Baekho and Ren’s room, and he heard noises that indicated he was probably not welcome. He sat in the hallway, rubbing his forehead in frustration.

He didn’t sleep at all that night. He just sat there in the hallway, staring blankly at the walls, trying to get the disturbing images of the manager out of his head. The next morning, it was Minhyun, the early bird, who was the first to notice him.

“Jonghyun-ah, are you okay?” he asked as he knelt down beside JR.

JR shook his head.

“What’s wrong?”

JR put his arms around Minhyun and buried his face in the taller boy’s shoulder, “I’m tired Minhyun,” he said softly.

Minhyun patted JR’s back, not really understanding what was wrong with JR. “Did you sleep at all last night?”

“No,” JR said. “Can I please use your bed?”

“Sure,” Minhyun said, taking JR’s hand and pulling him up from the floor.

JR managed to get an hour of sleep in Minhyun’s bed by the time the others were up and ready to go to their next schedule.

“Want to tell me what was up with you this morning?” Minhyun asked as JR got ready. “Why didn’t you want to sleep in your room?”

JR shrugged. He knew he could not tell Minhyun the truth.

“Did manager-hyung yell at you again?”

JR nodded, thinking it was a believable and sufficient explanation to why he had acted like that. He couldn’t tell the truth, and this seemed like a good lie to cover it.

Minhyun sighed and looked at JR sympathetically, “I wish he would stop doing that. Look JR, we’ll switch places. I’ll sleep in the same room as manager-hyung. You can sleep in here with Aron.”

“Thank you,” JR thanked to Minhyun sincerely. “That would mean the world to me, Minhyun. Thank you so much.”

The day dragged on. JR could barely concentrate on the Chinese lesson, his head too occupied with the obscenity of the night before. They went to their next photo shoot and fanmeeting and he was still acting different then usual: very glum and reserved. The other members noticed this, and all of them believed that he was like this because the manager had yelled at him the night before. None of them expected that it was something else.

They finally they arrived at the interview venue where they met up with Jason.

JR had almost forgotten that he had started liking Jason. Seeing for the first time in many hours made him forget for a moment the nasty things that had been occupying his head. He smiled when he saw Jason waving at them from afar.

The interview happened, and when they finished, Jason whispered in JR’s ear, “your manager kept calling me all day yesterday and last night. I turned off my phone in the end. Today, he stopped calling. Looks like he gave up!” Jason said cheerfully.

JR faked a smile, but inside, he was bombarded with disgusting memories of his manager. He tried to stop thinking about it, but he couldn’t, and he couldn’t act like he was okay anymore. He excused himself to go to the bathroom where he just washed his face and rubbed his head, leaning over the sink sulkily.

Jason had followed him, it seemed, because when JR, turned off the tap and turned around, he saw Jason at the door.

“Something’s up with you,” Jason noticed. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” JR said, “just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Obviously. You have bags under your eyes that even the make-up can’t hide,” Jason said. “So why didn’t you sleep properly?”

JR shrugged.

“You don’t want to tell me?”

“I’d rather not,” JR shrugged, feeling bad for saying that to him. He didn’t want Jason to think that he didn’t trust him, but he really could not tell him.

“It’s okay,” Jason said putting his arms around JR’s shoulders, “I understand. I just came to ask you if you'd like to spend the night with me again. We have schedule tomorrow morning together anyways, so it would be convenient. Plus I have a video game I wanna show you.”

“I’ll have to get permission from the manager,” JR said, dreading it on the inside.

“I’ll ask him for you,” Jason said, “I just wanted to make sure you were okay with it.”

JR nodded. He was certainly okay with it, but the manager probably wasn’t.

When Jason approached the manager to ask permission, JR stood to the side. JR hadn’t talked or even look at the manager since the previous night. He heard Jason ask very politely, and the manager answered with straight ‘no.’

“Why not, ahjussi?” Jason asked.

“I said no! Don’t complain,” the manager scowled.

“But… why not? We have schedule tomorrow, early morning together. It won’t make a difference if…”

“No! I don’t want any of the NU’EST to spend extended periods of time with you. You will corrupt them. Now off and stop playing with their heads.”

Jason raised his eyebrows at how rude the manager was suddenly being, but it made him stop talking back to him. The manager scowled at Jason before walking off, and Jason turned to JR with a curious expression.

“Did he say anything about the prank call to you?” Jason asked JR, “From what he said to me, I have a feeling he knows.”

“No he didn’t,” JR lied, but it came out more hesitantly then he would have liked

“Odd,” Jason said looking at JR suspiciously.

Just then, Jason’s manger came to notify him that the van had arrived. Jason nodded and told manager to give him a minute.

“JR, you’re hiding something right?”

JR looked at the floor silently. He didn’t want to lie again.

“Look,” Jason put his hand on JR’s shoulders and leveled his eyes with the leader’s, “if you want to talk, call me tonight, okay? Talking always helps, little brother. Don’t keep everything inside. If not me, talk to one of your members, okay?”

JR nodded. Jason gave JR a quick hug before pulling away and waving goodbye.

----------

When the members and the manager got back to the hotel, JR wanted nothing more but to collapse onto what was originally Minhyun’s bed and go to sleep. He was so exhausted, deprived of sleep the night before.

When JR stopped at Aron’s door, the manager eyed JR curiously.

“Jonghyun, that’s Minhyun and Aron’s room.”

Minhyun was the one that responded. “It’s okay hyung, we’re switching for tonight. Aron needed to talk to JR about something so…”

“No. I need to talk to JR,” the manager said. “Come on, Jonghyun.”

JR’s heart stopped. He froze in place and then shot Minhyun and Aron a pleading look. He wouldn’t be able to handle sleeping the same room as that man again. He didn’t want to talk to him, to look at him, to breathe the same air as him.

“Hyung,” Minhyun pressed, trying to help JR, “just for tonight. Aron really needs to talk to JR.”

“I think what I have to say to JR is more of an interest to him,” the manager said, glaring at JR threateningly.

“It’s okay Min,” JR said to Minhyun as Minhyun opened his mouth to complain.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, manager-hyung obviously has something important to tell me,” JR said, his heart dreading it.

When the manager closed the door to their room, he turned to face JR. JR gulped as he looked up at the manager, who looked at him condescendingly.

“You didn’t tell anyone about last night, did you?” he asked.

“I swear I did not.”

“Not Minhyun?”

“No. I told Minhyun you yelled at me. That’s it.”

“Know if you tell anyone, Jason’s out.”

“I know that.”

“Why are you trying to run away from me tonight, huh? First you wanted to spend the night with Jason and now you’ve switched places with Minhyun? Have you decided not to keep your side of the bargain?”

JR’s jaw dropped. “W… what? I already fulfilled it! I gave you what you wanted last night.”

“The bargain was you give it to me every night until we leave China.”

“No!” JR yelled, “no. I won’t.”

“Fine then, say goodbye to Jason…”

“I’ll call a e for you and I’ll pay her however much it takes,” JR offered desperately, “please, hyung. Don’t make me do it again, please?”

“It’s a lot more arousing with you,” the manager said, making JR’s stomach churn.

“Hyung, please,” JR begged.

“It’s not like I’m you for crying out loud! I’m not violating your body at all goddamnit. Stop acting like a baby. It’s not hard. You won’t have to swallow this time.”

JR felt his breathing go heavy. Anger welled up inside of him, and he wanted nothing more but to run away as far from this disgusting human being as possible. When he saw the manager take out his phone threateningly, he remembered Jason.

He considered letting the manager do it, letting him call the CEO. Letting Jason be kicked out of the band. Pledis would probably claim that it was done because Jason was being “disrespectful” and they would blow this disrespect way out of proportion to make this decision more justifiable. Jason’s name in the entertainment industry would be tainted. All because JR refused to give the manager what he wanted for that night.

As those thoughts ran through JR’s head, he decided that he was being selfish by refusing. He dropped to his knees on the floor in submission.

Just before the manager had begun to undress, the door knocked. The manager scowled, and JR let out a sigh of relief.

It was Minhyun.

“Can I talk to JR?” Minhyun asked the manager when he opened the door.

“Make it quick,” the manager sputtered before going into the bathroom and slamming the door.

Minhyun entered the room and walked towards the leader. JR was seated on the floor at this point, bewildered, confused and angry.

“JR, did he yell at you again?” Minhyun asked, kneeling down beside him again and patting his back.

“No, I’m fine,” JR lied.

If there were one thing that Minhyun was good at, it would be reading people. He knew that something was terribly wrong with JR, and he would not just ignore it. “Come on, you’re not staying here tonight,” Minhyun said, pulling JR up.

“I can’t,” JR said pulling his arms out of Minhyun’s hands. Minhyun did not give up though. He took JR’s hand and forced him up, and this time JR did not resist. All he needed was this push from Minhyun to decide against what he had decided to do.

“Hyung, JR’s sleeping in our room!” Minhyun yelled loud enough for the manager to hear in the bathroom.

JR was happy Minhyun forced him out of the room, but he dreaded the consequences. He felt his heart contract in his chest at the thought of Jason being told off. He hoped dearly that the manager would excuse him, just this once.

As Minhyun dragged JR into their room, he looked over at JR with concern. JR was expressionless. There was something dead in his eyes. It looked like all life was drained from him. Never had the manager’s yelling done much to him. Sure JR was easily wounded, but never as much as he looked now.

“JR-ah, tell us what’s wrong,” Minhyun pressed when they were in the room.

At this point JR could not handle it anymore and he burst into tears.

Minhyun and Aron, thankfully, didn’t interrogate him about the reason for his tears. They simply sat with him and comforted him.

Even though he was exhausted, and his body was drained from energy because of the lack of sleep he had gotten the past two days, he still could not physically bring himself to sleep that night. He was anxious, worried, scared. He blamed himself for not resisting when Minhyun pulled him out of the room. He should have stayed. It struck him that he might have failed Jason, that he betrayed him.

He closed his eyes and pretended to sleep, just so that Minhyun and Aron would not worry anymore. He knew that if he stayed awake, they would stay awake with him. They had schedule early next morning, and JR did not want to be responsible for their tiredness.

“Is he asleep?” he heard Aron whisper to Minhyun.

“I think so,” Minhyun said softly.

“Is he going to sleep here every night from now on?” Aron asked.

“I’m certainly not letting him stay alone with the manager anymore…”

“Okay,” Aron said, clearly regretful for it.

“Come on hyung, you can’t possibly be sad about that,” Minhyun said.

“I’m only sad that I won’t be alone with you anymore for this trip. I mean, I really…”

“We’ll have nights alone, hyung. But JR is a lot more important than our romance,” Minhyun said.

“I know. I’m sorry. I was being selfish.”

JR heard them kiss and cuddle, and minutes later they were asleep.

JR hated doing this to them. He knew he was burdening them with his presence. He felt useless, and such a strain to everyone around him. To Minhyun and Aron, to Jason and even to the manager. He knew that Aron wished JR wasn’t there, and Minhyun probably did too. He knew that he had let Jason down, and so even Jason would wish JR didn’t exist.

He himself wished he didn’t exist. He prayed he could just disappear. Nobody wanted him, not even his closest friends.

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I'm almost done with the next chapter, so it will be up very soon! Tommorrow maybe :)